Weigh in archives

I took a really excellent kickboxing class Saturday morning.

Well, it was technically "cardio kickboxing," which means there weren't any real drills or heavy bags used but! But! It did incorporate lots of punches and kicks and the instructor went around the room during certain parts with punching pads for us to hit. All of my months of Turbo Jam paid off, though, as I was amazed by how well I was able to keep up with all of the punching drills when she increased the tempo. I showed off a bit - Does anyone else do that during a class or am I the only egomaniac doing that? - and I'm still kinda paying for it. Ouch.

I told Scott last night that I am looking forward to getting into better shape so that I can stop hobbling around on Sunday from Saturday's workouts.

The gym is having an awesome training deal, so I figured, why not? For $79, you get three personal training sessions and all that fitness evaluation stuff, which, I'm sorry, really should be part and parcel to the whole gig, not included as elements as though you'd pay for them on their own. I don't know if I'll commit to working with a personal trainer on a regular basis - we'll see what finances allow - but for the price it's another way to keep me working on making lifting a permanent part of my routine.

I'm still recovering from a tough week, physically. My period was especially tough, and I was especially exhausted throughout. I'm hoping to bounce back some this week. Whew.

Posted by Erin at 09:20 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

Tonight I celebrated my love for my boyfriend.

After seeing Kenny Rogers with his dad and stepmom, sister and grandfather, he pulled into the Long John Silver's so we could each feast on a plank of fish. My love for these greasy, pedestrian, deep-fried fish of joy knows no bounds, and we don't have them in the city.

(We were in the 'burbs tonight.)

He knows how much I adore LJS and every time we have the occasion to pass one, I always let out a sigh of desire. Like so many things, the food at LJS does not settle well with my stupidly sensitive body, but we split a meal and I'm feeling no worse for the wear. At least not yet. Totally worth it.

The Turkey Trot 8K was fabulous - it was cold and and snowy and windy but I ran 11:30 miles and Scott was out there cheering me on for the entire hour - and so was the rest of my weekend. I got a facial, took another Hot Bod class, had a quasi-personal training session with an instructor at the gym after no one else showed up for the Tread Train class, saw Kenny Rogers and went out for karaoke. And I managed to lose another pound.

I have to admit that the highlight of the holiday was the plank o' fish.

I'm a little sore from yesterday's Hot Bod class - the weightlifting class, which brings my total for last week to TWO lifting classes - but I'm going back in tomorrow for another one. I am bound and determined to make lifting a priority. I know that as the older I get, the more beneficial it is to my body. Since vanity clearly does not spurn me on, my health should. I just have to keep that in mind when I'm ready to pull my hair out over it.

I'm also going back to spinning this week after being absent from it for six months. I imagine I might want to die afterwards. I'll let you know how it goes.

Posted by Erin at 10:52 PM | | filed under: Weigh in

I don't really have much commentary about the whole weight-loss thing. It's not driving me or torturing me too much. I said I'd document it here every Sunday and I'm keeping my word!

The cold weather has been doing me in. Running outside in the cold is a bitch when you're not properly geared up for it so I did break down and buy this hoodie in the aqua color. I couldn't help it. It's soft and pretty and ... soft and pretty. And came highly recommended at last week's winter running clinic. I also bought a couple of LED's for when I go running, which I've also used when walking the dog. I get a couple of curious looks from passersby, but rather that than be hit. I also invested in some running tights, as well as some waterproof mittens, all in the hopes of keeping myself warmer out there. Thursday is the Turkey Trot 8K and I'll be out there with bells on and, also, warmer clothing.

Today I broke down and rejoined my old gym, though at a different location. It's not that I need the motivation necessarily, but I don't like working out in the cold and am less likely to work out very hard at home. It's not that I plan on not running outside - especially after investing in the new gear - but it can't be my sole source of exercise. In the summer that was OK since the warm weather was conducive to having it be so. But now? Well, not so much. I took a quick tour and it's just gorgeous inside. I forgot what it was like to belong to a nice gym.

Tomorrow I'm taking a "hot bod" class. I'm always looking for an excuse to get myself working with weights since as we all know, I think weight lifting can suck it.

I'm excited to have a gym to go to again. It's right off one of my "L" stops and a short drive from home. Parking isn't too insane and there's a lot they're renting out now, too. I think tomorrow I'll hit the sauna after the class. A nice indulgence.

Posted by Erin at 05:58 PM | | filed under: Weigh in

... four to go.

I hate measuring portions, and I'll tell you that Friday night I was in such a foul mood - my Treo died on me, and I had to buy a new one - that I overate waaay too much when I got home from work and skipped my run. I had a peanut butter sandwich, some leftover lemon-pepper shrimp and pasta, a No-Pudge brownie and some frozen fruit. Out of hand, seriously. I just kept heading back to the refrigerator, grazing. Then I went out and had a couple of drinks, adding to the fiasco.

Other than that, not a bad week. I don't always make the best choices when it comes to dealing with stress, but I've learned not to let it slide me completely off track. I take my knocks and get back up again. Tonight, however, after the running clinic I'm headed to, I'm making food for the week. Soup and a couple of casseroles. I want to have stuff prepared. Friday night was the result of a crappy mood and a lack of preparation. I'd like to not repeat that.

Posted by Erin at 05:11 PM | | filed under: Weigh in

So I've put on some weight.

Not a lot - I'm weighing in at 145.5 right now. Seriously, it's not a lot. I'm not freaking out or starving or binging or reacting to the change by taking desperate measures or laxatives or a toothbrush to my throat - though of course none of those things are things to joke about and I am certainly not doing so here.

Don't get me wrong. I'm just illustrating, albeit with much hyperbole. Because, you know, that's what it immediately seems to feel like when you gain six pounds. An exaggeration of the situation. My clothes aren't particularly tight, though I imagine in subtle ways I'm not exactly noticing, they don't fit as neatly as they might have six pounds ago.

That wrinkle in my pants? Yeah. Maybe that might not have been there without the six pounds.

But still, it's six pounds, and in my world, six pounds tends to be a short hop to 20. I wish like hell it didn't, but it's true. If I put on six pounds in six weeks, that's a sign. I did some examining and there's no doubt about it: I have not been as healthy as I'd like. One too many cocktails, or french fry sides, or yummy chocolate something-or-others. One too many days without consistent running or some kickboxing. One too many days adds up to six pounds.

As an experiment, to gauge things, as it were, I went back to portioning my food out and weighing it against the Weight Watchers POINTS scale and holy smokes - clearly I've been mistaking a half-cup for a serving the size of a basketball.

It's a mistake anyone could make, obviously.

See, what I don't want, what I really, really, really don't want, is to become complacent about the state of my body but at the same time, I don't want to lose my shit over six pounds. But I acknowledge my body's comfort zone, and while I'm OK in the mid-140s, I can examine my behavior and know that this current weight is not the result of genetics as much as it is the result of cheese.

Good cheese, but cheese nonetheless.

So this week I've started some religious counting and monitoring and weighing, just to stop this thing from escalating to a place where I don't want to be, where I don't feel healthy and productive. There is a small bit of vanity, sure, but I'm starting to really embrace the fact that I'm a woman of a little extra girth. I really am. But there is a line in the sand for me where my looks are concerned.

More than anything, I am the Queen of Slackdom. I will give myself so much slack that it seems pointless to rope myself up at all. If I don't crack the ol' whip on myself now and again, I'm liable to find every reason in the world why I deserve to have that cheeseburger. I will reason that the fact that I woke up is enough.

So my goal is to lose the six pounds. I do not know how long it will take. I would love for it to take, you know, a day, but it won't. My weigh-in day for myself is Sunday, and I promise to document it here.

This is the bitch part of maintenance. What to do when you're maintaining by the seat of your pants. Why you have to make tough choices for yourself in order to stay at a healthy place for yourself. It's not fun to do this. I really enjoy my little bacchanalian moments. But they've gotten a smidge out of hand recently and it's time to call a time out. Or I'll roll around in that stuff like there's no tomorrow.

And let's be honest: at a certain point, you start to realize that the choices you make now really do determine the quality of your tomorrow.

Speaking of quality, you all must go read Anne's latest post if you haven't already. She's a lovely woman, and I love what she has to say on just about, well, everything.

Some recipes coming tomorrow. And finally that product review. Stay tunes.

Posted by Erin at 03:53 PM | | filed under: Random , Weigh in

OK. Well, that was before I drank a bunch of Gatorade this morning, and before I could get a decent picture. But there you go. I finally, after so, so many years, broke the 140 mark.

When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was, I'm sorta ashamed to admit, incredibly excited. But you know what? I've been training hard this week, and carefully watching my diet, and my body responded. And considering all of the treats and drinking and fun of the past few weekends, it's sorta amazing.

Now I'm going to go eat breakfast, which includes my boyfriend's cheesy eggs and sausage.

Posted by Erin at 11:55 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

I decided that I really should just take a picture because, you know, what the heck? It's all-new low!

I had to sharpen and futz with the contrast so you could make it out but there you have it - 140.5. It's all rather anti-climatic, to be honest. Despite having been at this for as long as I have, you'd think I'd know that a marching band wouldn't appear in my bathroom as soon as the number on the scale set. Still, part of me hoped for at least some confetti.

I'm kidding. Totally kidding.

I'm not doing anything too differently, though I keep pushing myself just a little bit more with each workout. I'm working on speed during my runs, which may be helping things along. Other than that? Hell, my boyfriend and I ordered pepperoni pizza for dinner the other night. My diet honestly can only attribute to so much. I keep a clean diet, to be sure, but I honestly haven't been paying that close of attention.

Anyway, it's a nice thing to see.

Posted by Erin at 10:20 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

I'm just going to keep categorizing my weigh-in posts and say "screw it" to the table. Updating that thing is a pain in my ass. If you want to see my latest weight-loss progress, just filter all of my posts to only read the "Weigh in" ones.

I started a new job this week, and when I get home, the last thing I want to do is sit at my computer.

I'm a Web content editor for the Chicago Sun-Times so all of my time is spent tinkering on the Internet. On our site, of course, but nonetheless, I've just not been inclined to do my usual futzing online, writing blog entries. If I owe you an email - which is likely - I'll write back soon. Promise!

I made mention recently that this new job will likely bring me two things: weight loss and more money. More money because temporarily my social life is going to take it hit and weight loss because I'll have less time for my usual nightly snacking. Even when my intended schedule hits, I won't be at home during the hours when I'm most likely to be prowling my kitchen. I'm kidding a little bit about this, though all of the extra walking I'll be doing will help as well, since I'm not driving to work anymore, but it was something I observed.

I started doing my new Turbo Jam DVDs this week. The Fat Blaster is kind of cracking me up in how it's marketed as a "secret weapon" in my "fat-burning arsenal." For as much as I would like to believe that 30 minutes of bouncing around with the lovely Chalene, which includes four "turbos," will "melt off the fat," I'm inclined to believe that what it will do it get my heart pumping just enough in a short amount of time if I'm pressed for it.

So I have a new "want" and I'm ordering it this week. Someone on my Flickr stream has pictures of her lunch in hers and I thought it was the absolute coolest thing to carry my lunch to work: the Bento Box Laptop Lunch System. I always, always pack a lunch. I can never justify spending $8 for lunch when I can just make it myself and know where it's coming from. I've been using a case for four or five years now and I've needed to replace it for some time now. What I really like is how you can perfectly portion everything out, and for someone who tends to get a little heavy handed with her portions, it works out perfectly.

Plus, hello? How cute are they? It's like grade school lunches all over again! I will probably order the "whimsical" colors.

Yesterday morning I ran three miles in the very hot, muggy weather and I am not doing that again today. I think I clocked about 11-minute miles, which shocks me considering how hard it was to get though them. It's been hotter than Hades here in Chicago. Still, I wanted to get in a run. Today, however, I'm staying inside.

Posted by Erin at 07:43 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

It sorta dawned on me that I hadn't updated in a couple of weeks so I just stepped on the scale and here was what I got.

I'm starting to become less and less self-conscious about discussing All Things Menstrual. After all, this is a health-related blog, too, and I can't be the only woman out there wrestling with this beast. It's a very real health problem that I have to handle and for months now I've tried a million different things to help ease the bloating, cramps, mood swings, etc. Last month I gained six pounds worth of bloat. It was awful. I was miserable and uncomfortable. This month I drank a ton of water and took these every morning for the last three days after breakfast. By all accounts I should have been more diligent about taking my calcium supplements, but I slagged off on that.

I found some information on Yoga Journal for some remedies, too. Email me if you guys are interested in me posting any of this stuff here. I'd be happy to share.

Anyway, so here it is, the day before my period, and I'm not feeling as uncomfortable as I did last month. But yet still uncomfortable. It was nicer last month as I was off from work and could totally lounge. I don't feel like I'm as heavy as I was last month, but I wonder how much of my weight is all water bloat. If all of my calculations are correct, at least two-to-three pounds of it is. And seriously? I've been tracking for months now using this site. Which all of you ladies should be doing. If for no other reason? Next time you go to the doctor you'll actually be able to answer what was date of the last day of your last period!

One of the worst parts about all of this that in addition to being a walking bloat bag, I'm also exhausted and just want to take it easy. And some strenuous exercise would probably help things immensely. Ah well. More walking/jogging with the dog. And hopefully no more 3 Musketeers bars. No joke, on Tuesday I had one during the workday and then my boyfriend and I split one later that night.

Posted by Erin at 09:12 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

Again, not an official weigh-in (last week's I think I have yet to record), but what the scale read back all weekend.

I'm going to attribute this to harder workouts. I didn't miss a work out day, and incorporated harder, more intense lifting routines. My diet was solid, although I was at the Pitchfork Music Festival Saturday night and drank beer, which never sits well with me. All in all, though, a good week last week and I'm hoping to keep up the intensity into this week. I did Turbo Jam this morning, despite having serious allergy issues today.

Anyway, will I actually see the 130s this summer? Seriously. If it takes too much effort to get there and stay there, I'll throw up the white flag. But still. I'm getting closer and closer.

Posted by Erin at 10:56 AM | | filed under: Random , Weigh in

You know, I'm planning on running five miles this morning so why the dog felt the need to wake me up at 6 a.m. I'll have no idea.

Evil dog.

So 143.5 this week. There you go. There have been other milestones - the dress, for one - so just because we're stalling out (again) at this weight is fine. Since I saw my weight climb up to 147.5 last week during the pre-period meltdown, I'm just as happy to see a one-pound gain overall. I've kicked up the intensity of my workouts, and I'm switching things up, so perhaps we'll start seeing the numbers go down once again.

I'm going to be buying a few items of clothing this weekend. I can't take the baggy, droopy pants anymore. It's ridiculous and I look like a slob. I hate investing any money in clothes at this point, but surely I can do better than what I'm doing now!

This morning my sides are a little sore and achy from all of the Turbo Jamming from yesterday. So are my arms. Now to bring the dog back in and sleep for another hour before hitting the road to clock five miles before work. My route this morning will take me past Wrigley Field, and while I'm a Sox fan, it's still a neat treat to pass by.

UPDATE: Totally overslept and didn't get back up until 8:30 a.m., when my boyfriend sent me a text message. Which means I have a crapload of working out to do tonight when I get home, including the five-mile run and weights. And today is my rough day at work so I'm not sure a five-mile run and 45 minutes of weight lifting are going to be welcome treats. However, my boyfriend is coming over for dinner tonight around 8:30 and we're going to have fillets and asparagus and some sweet potato mash.

Those two things are probably good motivators to get home and get it all done. Have a great day!

Posted by Erin at 07:14 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

I stepped on the scale this morning, and actually said to myself, "I'm feeling rather 145 today." I can't help it. I need to prepare myself for anything at this weight, mainly because I haven't really worked out in over a week.

I did have a cold last week, but that was over by Friday and I'm not someone who doesn't eat when she's sick.

The bummer is that I probably won't be able to work out until tomorrow. I had grand designs on it but I'm watching my sister's 11-week-old puppy and she is a handful! She has me up at the crack of dawn every day and up all night. Kate picks Bella up tonight, so if she's early enough, I'll go for a run afterwards. If not, I wait till tomorrow when I can get a full night's rest since Glinny and I are on the same schedule.

So anyway, yay! I'm pleased. I can't help it.

Posted by Erin at 09:45 AM | TrackBack (734) | filed under: Weigh in

I know I've been bad about updating the weights and measurements - where obviously there are none - every other Wednesday so I thought I'd do a quick post to relay what my weight is of this moment, which is 145.5.

I haven't worked out one bit since Bikram last Tuesday, mostly owing to poor planning on my part. I have to remember that I need to get up and workout before work since with summer comes a much busier social calendar. I don't attribute anything to this, other than I'm tired and sick and know that working out always makes me feel better. Unfortunately, I'm in the middle of that horrible cold so there won't be much working out for another couple of days.

But strangely enough, here I am again, the place where my body seems to be most comfortable. When I'm simply watching what I eat and doing moderate exercise, this is where my body is happiest and most content. I'm trying really hard to be comfortable with that as I know that throughout my life this may be the place of rest. I'm not always going to be training for races, not always going to keep my regular workout pace, so it's good to come to some peace with my body as it is now - in the mid-140s, a little soft, but certainly in great health.

I promise to catch up soon!

Posted by Erin at 10:10 AM | TrackBack (1180) | filed under: Weigh in

... and holding. So that's good. Seven pounds in nine weeks seems pretty kick ass to me. The loss is steady and slow, but it's consistent and right about on track where recommended.

Last night's Turbokick class was awesome and made me sorta glad I didn't put my membership on hold. The instructor is absolutely gorgeous and funny and gets really into the class, but not so much that you hate her. If you hate her for any reason, it's that she's clearly found makeup that won't sweat off while you're working out. And let me tell you, she's one of the only instructors I've ever had who works out harder than everyone else. She also looks like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Catherine Zeta Jones.

When got to the gym, after an almost five-week absence from this particular location, I notice that ALL of the cardio machines have new plasma screens attached to each one. Oh, rejoice! FINALLY! It's been a craw in my side that this gym seemed to be the only gym on the north side that hadn't gotten with the program and done this. They're not functional yet, but they will be soon.

Apparently, though, the only reason we got them was because there was a fire in one of the loft apartments located above the gym just days ago and it caused major water damage. So, the gym could make an insurance claim and get new equipment. I hadn't heard a word about the fire, and my gym is in my hood, but there you go.

The dog woke me up extra early this morning, which was unfortunate since I didn't get to bed until pretty late. I finally finished up Round One of a freelance project and I was hopped up on adrenaline until about 1 a.m. or so. I need to go back to bed and catch another hour or two of sleep or I'm a goner tonight.

Posted by Erin at 07:33 AM | TrackBack (574) | filed under: Weigh in

So yesterday's weigh-in produced a 1.5-lb. gain, 146.5, a day before my period began. Which was/is today. I've never really tracked too closely the relation between my weight gain and my period but if the gain is indeed attributed to the water weight, whatever, then fine. I'll take it.

Working out outdoors was a great idea. Fantastic, actually. With the exception of how bright out it was - and I didn't have my sunglasses and doing chest flys and chest presses on the ball meant looking directly up - it was just great. I'm doing it again tomorrow, and I'm hoping to purchase another set of hand weights - 10-lbs - along with some resistance bands and a thick mat. I don't want to take my yoga mat outside and get it all yucky.

Anyway, it was nice and lovely and my dog ran around in the yard and played with her favorite ball and tried to lick my legs while I was doing crunches - something that, thankfully, never happens at my gym - and when it was over I felt very refreshed and happy. Plus? No stinky locker room to contend with.

I read my new thyroid books last night and, well, I dunno. They're OK. Much of it is really good information to have but the rest? Well, big surprise: you need eat right and take care of yourself in order for you to feel better. What I should and should not eat are guidelines from which I've already been following, with the exception of a supplement here or there. Honestly, right down to the liquid carnitine, I've been on the right track, which explains why I was already feeling better before the meds.

Here's one thing that has already happened: my skin is clearly up. All of my perpetual dry, flaky patches are disappearing. Plus? Yesterday was the first day I wasn't even tempted to take a nap. Granted I worked until late in the evening, but I didn't have a huge urge to nap. Amazing.

I'm a little sore from the lifting yesterday but I'm heading out for a four-mile run after work and we go to see Superman 3. I'm off tomorrow with no plans for the day except for cocktails with a couple of girlfriends early in the evening.

Probably a good day for dog beach. Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted by Erin at 01:44 PM | TrackBack (298) | filed under: Weigh in

I know I said I'm really trying hard not to concentrate on the scale, but for kicks I decided to see what I weighed today, it being my 31st birthday.

The scale gave me a lovely present of 146. There are worse presents to receive.

Posted by Erin at 10:56 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

My weight yesterday morning. I'm not counting it as an official weigh-in, as I'm only doing that every two weeks, but I do weigh myself every day now.

Why?

I'm trying to get a better idea of how my body reacts to certain foods, times of the day, etc. Plus, I'm finding that it's been helpful in ways that I'd like to be ashamed of but I'm not. Being vigilant of my weight right now is part of the process for me right now and I think it's partially the reason why the weight is coming back off again.

I got a really nice email from a woman yesterday, asking me what I'm doing right now. She really wasn't specific as to what sort of answer she was looking for, but I'm guessing it had more to do with an eating plan. It's a question I've gotten a lot lately, probably because I'm not following any particular mode of eating as I once did.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I've for the most part cut potatoes, pasta, rice, breads and sugars from my diet. I've not completely cut them out - are you nuts!? - but I've found that they just do a number on my digestive system and I'd rather not constantly be struggling with an upset stomach in service of regular french fries and sushi. These things were staples in my diet and I didn't feel good as a result. Lots of bloating and pain. I'll still eat them on occasion - yesterday was Easter Sunday and there were potatoes, rolls, etc., but I felt awful afterwards and you can bet I won't be having anything of the sort for the rest of the week.

I know cutting out these items has had a positive impact on my weight loss efforts as I've had to substitute these things with other, healthier foods. After all, my main motivator has been to control all of my stomach bloating and pain, so logic dictates that I need to replace those foods that don't agree with me with those that do since I'm not into starving.

A typical day lately looks like this:

Breakfast: An egg-white based pancake, made with either all-natural peanut or ricotta cheese. I usually don't eat it all so I have the rest mid-morning.
Lunch: protein like grilled chicken with a salad or heartier vegetables like broccoli or asparagus or Brussel sprouts
Snack: string cheese, nuts, yogurt, or apples with natural peanut butter
Dinner: more protein and heaps of vegetables.

That's really it. I don't have a formula, I really don't count calories, and I just try to make sure I'm not hungry or tired. I work out pretty hard - the exercise is what does it for me.

Posted by Erin at 09:17 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

Lowest weigh-in in almost two years. Rock.

This week has been outstanding, aside from dealing with the pain in my calves. I took Wednesday as my day off this week since my legs really needed the rest. I pushed myself during last night's run harder than I did on Tuesday and it shows today on my body. Before weight-lifting this afternoon, I'm going to do a few minutes on the elliptical machine or something else that's low-impact.

I'm getting more and more excited about the Solider Field 10. I like that I'm finally pushing myself a little harder, to take on a really big challenge like this. I have no idea if I'm really going to be ready for something like this in two months, but I'm giving it my best shot. I've never done a race that's this long, though I've attempted. Training looked good for the half-marathon back in 2004 until I screwed up my knee. I'm being careful now to do all of the stretching I should have done three years ago so as to not repeat the same mistakes.

Besides. I'm on a tight budget and I'm not letting the $40 entrance fee go to waste.

I had dinner at my friend Jen's last night and she just introduced me to what may be the most awesomest thing ever - Whole Foods prepared shrimp. This is probably a no-brainer to everyone else but me, but I never tend to venture to their quasi-prepared meals counter because the items either seemed overpriced or I'm at WF for a specific purpose. Plus, I cook so I never think much about such things.

Anyway, Jen tells me that two skewers of these meaty, large, marinated shrimp (at six shrimp a skewer) are only $2 each. EACH. Do you know how stupidly cheap that is? And when you consider how much it would cost you to buy the prep, let alone the shrimp, which I never buy because I can never go through them fast enough to make it work it! I have a WF directly across the street from my gym, and popping in there for a couple of these things on the way home will be a snap.

Yay for convenience foods!

Posted by Erin at 08:03 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

A: Stepping on the scale in the morning, after you've had a hearty breakfast, wearing your flannel pajamas, and still learning that you've solidly lost another pound. Which puts you back into the 140s.

I weighed in today at 149.5, which means it's a precarious state of affairs, but it's the 140s, nonetheless.

9.5 pounds to go. It might take me until the summer to lose it, it might take me until the end of the year. But it's a damn sight better than 162, which is where I was a year ago.

Posted by Erin at 02:53 PM | Comments (7) | filed under: Weigh in

It'd be nice to get back in the 140s at some point in the next few weeks, but I'm not holding my breath. Mainly because, well, I'm trying make it not matter too much.

Anyway, that's what the scale read this morning, and it had been a few weeks and I thought I'd give it a shot. It was nice to see - the lowest reading I've had in more than a year, I think. I haven't busted out my clothes to see if there is a noticeable difference there but come March, we'll see.

I finally broke down and bought new shoes. I was told today that there was no way I was going to find a shoe for my running style - overpronator - under $100. I used to pay around $80 but apparently those days are over? Eh. I'm irritated but it made my run today a lot easier. I'm not interested in busting up my knee or any other part of my body so I'll plunk down a few extra bucks for the shoes. So today I did my long run and followed it up with some work on the stairmaster.

I don't know why I think 10 minutes a day on the stairmaster is going to give me Jessica Biel's booty but, you know, whatever. We all have to have a goal.

I'm tired, though. And I'm thankful for yoga tomorrow night because I know I need some stretching out. I'm not taking Bikram this week and instead am taking a class at the gym. Which is a first. I don't know why I'm so gun shy to take a "regular" yoga class but there you go. I suppose that there is a first time for everything.

Anyway, so I'm tired and happy and had a nice weekend - spent time with my sister and best friend, met Claire for drinks where we talked about weight loss and body image issues for her master's thesis, cleaned my entire house, paid all of my bills and now my dog and I are about to settle in for a night of TV and face masks. Well, the face mask will be for me. Glin will settle for a good brushing.

Posted by Erin at 07:35 PM | Comments (4) | filed under: Weigh in

I lost three pounds last week and then proceeded to ignore anything and everthing to do with counting POINTS. I don't know. Sometimes following Weight Watchers gives me the exhausting feeling as though I've been running around at full speed, deliberately holding my breath as I try to perform what seem like superhero feats.

I've leapt the tall building, but it took me a few bounds. I'm here again at the foot of the building, and I've forgotten that it takes several stabs to scale the damn thing.

When you have your first big loss on WW, it makes you feel as though you can exhale, finally. Like you've cracked the code and made it through seven consecutive days without managing to fuck anything up. And it's then that you believe that you can make this be a life change. And all of that is true. It's just not that instaneous, even if you've been at it for a couple of weeks. Habits take a while to establish.

Especially the ones that ask you to cut Miss Vickie's jalapeno-flavored potato chips out of your diet. Believe you me, I know.

I certainly didn't go binging. I made some fairly wise food choices, save for the egg rolls yesterday for lunch, but I just didn't care to track it all. I didn't have the heart to sit down and do it. And I know they tell you at WW that it's a slippery slope from there, but I blocked those voices out in favor of not thinking about food for the rest of the weekend. And it was lovely.

But I'm back in the saddle today, because that's how it goes. I'm meeting my best friend after work today so I'll be at the gym during lunch, which I kinda hate but it's what I have to do. There are groceries to buy before I head home because the contents of my refrigerator translate into wretched food choices if I don't stock up. I'm easing up on the starches this week, instead favoring lean proteins, fruits and vegetables. I think it was all of the pasta over the weekend because my stomach is staging a revolt right now over it all.

Finally, I purchased these over the weekend and in addition to them being delightful leg-warming devices, they've managed to make me feel incredibly sexy to boot. They're not for wearing out of the house, at least not in my lifetime, but it's nice to walk around my apartment feeling hot.

Socks. Who knew?

Posted by Erin at 08:52 AM | Comments (3) | filed under: Weigh in

I lost another pound at WW last week. Which brings us to, sadly, 155. Seriously. I started off at 153. Can I be more half-assed at this? It feels like it. In fact, the other night I just started thinking about things - my workout schedule, my incessant dipping into the extra POINTS - and all I could say to myself was, "Are you really doing this or what, Erin?"

What am I doing? What am I expecting? Because it doesn't feel like it did before, I don't feel as committed to it. Why is that?

I was catching up on blogs this morning and came across this entry from my good friend, Heather. I love Heather - she's smart and dedicated and charming and just an honest-to-goodness inspiration. She is, in fact, one of the only original online journalers who you can point to and say, "This girl really changed her life."

It was this line that struck me, and it was said by a WW leader in a WW meeting Heather went to: "If you don't know why you are here, you aren't going to succeed."

To be sure, I'm doing well - gone are the stomach pains, the need to take a nap as soon as I walk in the door, and overall I just feel better. A few weeks of healthy food will do that to you. But my portions? Ah, my portions. Alas, I'm a hungry girl, and it isn't because my workouts are so strenuous and causing the hunger because I'm only working out about four times a week, an hour a pop, and it's nothing I haven't done before.

Nope, it's just because I refuse to pay attention to my portions. I'm still of the mindset that I'm not done eating until I'm full. Plus, there is still too much snacking going on - and a few points there, a few here, and I'm not doing myself any favors. And I know this. I know that portion control is the last bastion of my battle. I like eating well and I know how to cook so that I'm not bored. I'm lucky in that capacity.

But where is the motivator to get me to just wait an hour or so until I'm done making dinner and not snack until my eyes bleed? What's going on? What I'm doing just isn't enough.

So, in the spirit of Heather's Top Ten list, I've decided to make one of my own:

1) Just because I can still wear certain pairs of pants doesn't mean they're fitting me as well as they could. I'd like to stop being aware of my waistband, thanks.
2) I have a closet filled with clothes. Actually, two closets full. I'd like to return to the days where I'm not staring at hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of clothes and realizing I can only wear $57 worth of them.
3) God, I want to be the athlete I was more than a year ago. It's coming up on two years since I was at the capacity it was at its peak and I miss those days.
4) I'd like to eat a piece of cheese and not play mindfuck with myself for an hour afterwards.
5) The 1/2 Marathon in February will be infintely easier without the extra 20 pounds.
6) I want to spend the time I use beating myself up to instead give myself a facial.
7) The tops of my Seven jeans would like to see the daylight as they've been covered up for months now.
8) I had pretty arm and shoulder muscles. They're there somewhere, buried under all of that fat ...
9) No one likes a whiny woman who talks a lot about doing something but never actually does a fucking thing. I am dangerously close to becoming one of those women.
10) My sanity.

Posted by Erin at 02:38 PM | Comments (7) | filed under: Weigh in

My WW friend says that my .2 weight loss for the week is a minor victory to celebrate, considering that it was my TOM and I'd had another episode of The Stomach That Would Not Be Contained. I never used to have this sort of bloating when I was younger but for some reason I do now. I gained seven pounds of bloat in two days. It's insane.

So I'm focusing on the positives here. The goals for this week, as I think it's important for me to have some mini goals here, are the following: 1) no booze, save for my Friday night cocktail after work, 2) hit all of my workout goals, which I'll post later tonight, and 3) cut out even the baked snack goods. Those things, as nice of a treat as they are to have, are my undoing. I should be focusing on eating healthier snacks instead, get myself back to snacking on veggies. They'll be a weekend treat, as opposed to an every day sort of thing.

More later. Time to get ready for work.

Posted by Erin at 10:49 PM | Comments (0) | filed under: Weigh in

So I gained my first week back at Weight Watchers.

Oh huzzah.

I weighed in at 156.2. I have no excuses. Getting back on the wagon is simply harder than I remembered. My goal for this week is not to dip into the extra points, but it's that TOM and I started my new job today so I'm just doing all I can not to go off the deep end. The most important thing for me this week is to stay focused on being in the gym.

I'm lucky in that I have one of my closest girlfriends now joining me at WW meetings. This week, everything in me wanted to skip out, knowing I'd show a gain, and I was happy to have my friend hold me to going, no matter what the result. I'm also fortunate in that Casey was there, too, with the incredibly sweet Matthew. Simply put, it was nice to have my friends there. Made the whole process feel less hokey.

I've set a goal for myself, and since I've let the cat out of the bag at my other site as to why I've had a difficult time focusing on my body and health this year, I think it's an especially appropriate one: The 2007 Madri Gras Half Marathon. It's a big goal, and it involves three fellow online journalers, and obviously it's in New Orleans in February. I need something like this now, to remind myself that I can do this, that I'm the athlete I've always been, and to keep myself focused on keeping my body healthy. I started training this week.

I'll tell you all who the other runners are when they give me the OK.

For now I'm off to bed. I have to be at the paper at 4 a.m. tomorrow and still manage to fit in three miles of running after that. I'm going to do my best to just do it after work and pass out. Wish me luck.

Posted by Erin at 09:00 PM | Comments (3) | filed under: Weigh in

Today I went back to Weight Watchers - not my intended meeting because I got a slow start to my day, but a later one with a leader I really enjoyed.

It was lovely and funny and informative and I can't say enough good things about this particular location. I think because it's a rather hip alternative to the traditional WW meetings you think of. Also? They so do not take themselves seriously. I was reminded why these weekly meetings can help. It didn't hurt that there was a woman there who made goal Thursday.

I weighed in at 153.2. Honestly? How can I complain about that? I remind myself that at my wlowest recorded weight I was 142 so I'm only about 10 pounds off from that. My new 10% goal has me at my lowest weight ever.

So color me confused as to how it came to be that when I signed up online with a new account - I wanted to start fresh as my old WW eTools account had my start weight at 177 pounds from way back in 2002 - that it set my final goal for me. Wanna know the number?

108.9 pounds.

I'm not even going to go into how ludicrous of a number that is because for any of you who have been reading me long enough, you'll know how much I refuse to work at losing that much weight. I'd have to give up pretty much all that I hold dear in order for it to happen and really, fuck that noise.

That kind of skinny isn't worth it to me.

So for now we'll work at an end goal of 131 pounds. That's the recommended weight and it's only 22 pounds to lose. I've lost more than that before, right? And this is a fresh start so it doesn't matter if I started this whole weight loss thing at 177 pounds, right?

Right.

Posted by Erin at 06:07 PM | Comments (6) | filed under: Weigh in

"Trying to find absolute rights and wrongs is a trick we play on ourselves to feel secure and comfortable." - Pema Chodron

"I've got a plan, a demand and it just began/And if you're right, you'll agree/Here's coming a better version of me" - Fiona Apple, "Better Version of Me"

I suppose you can't keep a fat girl down.

Well, you can try, but no doubt she'll get irritated and, if you buy into the stereotype, hungry. For this fat girl, I became both. Irritated and hungry.

Not to get all Susan Powter on you guys, but I got hungry for something else. Only I didn't know what it was. To be honest, I'm still not sure. I'm hungry for something and I'm irritated that I can't find it. Or at least I'm not finding it as quickly and easily as I have in the past.

2005 was a busy, confusing, exciting, life-altering year for me. So much happened, so much changed, so much of what I'd learned to use as a coping tool were cast aside for conventional methods like, well, eating and drinking. And late-night cavorting. When you're pushing 30, these things take a toll on one's body, beyond just the weight a girl puts on. There is a substantial difference between the appearance of my face in the beginning of 2005 until the end.

I got ... unhealthy. Puffy. Bloated. Tired. Spiritually bereft, to put a fine point on it. Does that sound funky? Is there a point when you're physically backsliding that you stop and realize that perhaps something more is missing in your life than just a few extra pairs of pants or a cute top or two? That perhaps you're backsliding in a million different ways, too, and perhaps, again, that is what is tripping you up? That it has less to do with a hunk of Guyere as much as it has to do with a hunk of confusion?

I've spent the past few months away from Lose The Buddha to regroup and really think about what it was I wanted for myself within this little space. It's been tempting to come back and just begin again; as the book sells more copies, and more people come looking to LTB for some sort of inspiration or continuation of the book, I feel as though I owe everyone something for their troubles. But I can't just start in with the same ol' rants and raves as I did the past. I said before that as a result of this blog I'm not the same girl; maybe that's OK. Maybe what's important is that I'm constantly evolving and this blog doesn't need to be reflect an older version of me.

Maybe it just needs to reflect the new one.

Posted by Erin at 04:29 PM | Comments (53) | filed under: Weigh in

I had to weigh in at home today because making it to my WW was out of the question. We have plans with my family today in the burbs.

Amazingly, despite the presence of an entire bag of Smart Puffs, cheese, 1/4 of a pint of Ben & Jerry's and virtually no exercising, I managed to lose a pound this week. This means I've lost a grand total of ... two pounds in two weeks.

I've been at this weight-loss thing long enough to know that this is how things go. You lose or you don't. As long as you keep doing something, anything, keep engaging yourself, things will eventually happen. I don't need encouragement anymore as much as I need a big bag of money that will free me of my need to work for a living so that I may hire a chef, a personal trainer and possibly a shrink to devote my entire day to being the best little Erin that I can be.

And since we know that isn't going to happen, I know that I just have to do this. But our friends at WW? At least the online version?

Bless their hearts.

Posted by Erin at 10:23 AM | Comments (10) | filed under: Weigh in

So when I mentioned weeks ago about wanting to go back to WW, Casey told me all about the meeting she goes to and her leader and how cool he was.

I wasn't sure, to be honest, that I really wanted to go back to Weight Watchers. While the system itself has helped me out, the meetings always left me feeling so angry at myself and my genetic makeup for being fat in the first place. Like if I'd just said no to all of those french fries I wouldn't have to sit among a group of people whose main mission in life is to figure out if they can order the chicken nuggets at McDonald's and still lose weight. People for whom Jean Nidetch represents the second coming.

I appreciate that each person has her own way in dealing with life's curve balls, but I usually felt like picking up any one of those digital scales and beating myself over the head with it each time I heard someone whine about Haagen Dazs not being POINTS free.

Going back to WW meetings just seemed like something I ought to be doing, considering how much weight I was putting on. I'm not kidding. I've gained 10 pounds since April and it was starting to seem as though there was no end in sight. If sitting with those people got me losing again, I was all over it.

When I walked in to the WW location, the first thing I noticed was that there was nary a tip, slogan or cheery poster on the walls. Nowhere. Nada. The next thing I noticed was that nearly everyone there was my age. I spotted Casey as soon as I weighed in -- 157.4, that's right -- and grabbed my seat as Mark, the leader, began to talk.

Wouldn't you know it? The meeting went by in a flash. I actually listened and took something away from the meeting. God help me, but I was actually excited about taking care of myself again. He wasn't cheery or insipid and I found myself enjoying what my fellow attendees had to say. They were smart and charming people.

More than anything, it became quite clear to me just how much damage I've done to my body these past few months. I know I haven't been feeling well or on my A game, but once I started thinking in terms of calories, portions and exercise, I couldn't fool myself anymore. Even now I can't get over how hard it is for me not to head to the kitchen and wolf down a bag of Doritos. I've grown so accustomed to just eating the damn things that saying "no" is actually a chore.

But no matter.

It's still too soon to tell whether the meetings will be key but this is the first time they've seemed promising. I'm actually focused and engaged and knowing I will be going back in a week keeps me concentrated on my health rather than passive about it all. I feel as though I'm actively a part of something and for once I don't feel resentful of that.

I hate that I put on so much weight after two years of keeping it all off. But I've caught it, and it's going to take work, but perhaps Mark will be the missing ingredient I've needed to get past 145 pounds. I'm not putting all of my eggs in that basket but for now it's the thing that's getting me into the gym at 5 a.m. tomorrow.

Posted by Erin at 09:18 PM | Comments (11) | filed under: Weigh in

Really, the gym scale was wrong. At least it was when I first stepped on it.

I'm at 142. With a bullet. Both scales tell me this now, beyond doubt.

This is still good news, though. The first of reasons as to why this is welcome news is that well, it means I've been losing for two weeks. It means, hopefully, I've really busted through the year-long plateau. Finally, it's meant I can fit into a pair of pants that I bought thinking they fit better than they did.

I've been asked as to what I've been doing differently, because obviously I have to be doing something, right? So I gave it some thought and realized that yes, I probably have been doing some things differently.

The first of which is that I've stopped thinking about it. Really. I've had other things pressing upon my mind lately and none of those things concern my weight or the state of my body. Maragaret Cho put it best when she said, "Because I don't care about food, it is there when I want it, I don't crave it and want it and think about it."

I think that's all that really happened. I've been drinking -- it's true -- and eating great food but I haven't been thinking about any of it. I'm hoping to keep up this way of life as it's much more enjoyable. I'm still mindful of eating healthy foods, just not as though a contrary choice will be my doom.

The second reason, and it falls in line with the first, is that I haven't been finishing anything on my plate but have not eaten anything that I don't enjoy. On Easter, I grabbed a piece of Lemon pie and took a bite. It tasted like wet dog. If I knew what wet dog tasted like, I suppose. Instead of just eating it for the sake of the sugar and the faint, lemon-y sweet-and-sour hit, I balked and didn't bother with another bite.

The last reason is that I'm working out regularly and at long intervals. I'm actually putting forth effort and challenging myself as opposed to saying that I am. It's probably more of the reason I'm losing again, probably more than anything.

Posted by Erin at 05:44 PM | Comments (0) | filed under: Weigh in

Well hi there. I hope you're all successfully making your way over here.

After about two and a half years, I thought it was time for a change; I've updated the look and functionality of my main site, too. The woman who designed it is, most likely, no stranger to all of you. I pressured the talented and beautiful Kelly of Marmalade.ca for eons to redo my site and she finally caved. Heh. Thanks, Kelly.

So, I weighed myself. At first I thought it was a fluke and now I'm just confused. My scale?

It's telling me that I'm at 142 pounds, solidly. Like, it hasn't moved in days. Even stranger is that I used the gym scale -- a doctor's scale -- on Monday night before I worked out and received even stranger results, and it's worth pointing out that I believe that this number is even less accurate than the 142.

It told me I am 136 pounds.

So I have no idea what's going on. Really, I don't. At any rate, apparently I busted the shit out of that plateau. While it's questionable that I've lost that much weight in such a short of amount of time, people have been commenting to me. Even my best friend who sees me every day just told me I looked slimmer.

Who knows.

I don't know that any of this is worth any congratulatory nods as it isn't as though I've done something. Really. I didn't have a goal or a challenge or anything. It just happened.

Which is nice because hopefully now my real weight and the weight I assumed I would be at when the book came out will be one in the same. Heh.

Posted by Erin at 07:46 AM | Comments (0) | filed under: Weigh in