Random archives

So I quit my day job a couple of weeks ago and now I'm working full-time from home, doing the part-time job I'd mentioned earlier.

I've always considered myself a lucky gal and now? Well now this sort of seals the deal. I get paid handsomely to work on something I genuinely consider to be a blast, from home, with my dog. I'm over with Day Two and I cannot understand why I didn't find a way to make this happen before.

In these two days, I've worked, ran errands, prepared and eaten healthy meals (save the bratwurst I had at the White Sox game last night), ran and worked out at the gym. And in about an hour I'm considering heading around the corner to the new yoga studio for an hour's worth of yoga. THIS is what working from home affords you, kids. It's the best, and I already feel tons healthier and happier as a result of it.

Since about the end of May, I've just felt like an all-over mess. It's been rough, to be honest. I said before, the injuries and the sinus infection and the working 15 hours a day just about did me in. Really and truly. There was a lot of crying here at Lose The Buddha Headquarters. And don't think I don't know that the fact that I was only working out once, twice a week was compounding the crying. If I don't work out, I get emotional. I need that outlet or I go crazy. Which, like I said, I did.

One of the promises I made to myself a long, long time ago was that no matter what happened, I wouldn't beat myself up for perceived missteps. In the past, what always kept me from staying healthy and taking care of myself was that if I got out of line even the slightest, I viewed it as a setback and it would be months, sometimes years, before I tried again. I was usually sicker, heavier and in worse shape than before. Now, things are different. Despite being seriously injured and working like a madman, I never lost focus on how crucial nutrition and exercise are to my life. I knew things would loosen up again, that I'd find the time.

And, so, here I am.

Saturday morning I went out and ran in the pouring rain. I had to. There were no more reasons for me not to get out there and run. Rain isn't good enough of a reason. Besides, it turned out to be pretty glorious, not to mention peaceful. Not surprisingly, the streets are pretty deserted on a Saturday morning that's greeted by tons and tons of rain. But it felt so good, so uplifting, to be back out there.

Two months is a long time to be out, and so I've been taking it slow. I'm running and lifting regularly again, albeit at abbreviated distances and weights, respectively. But give it time and I'll be back in full gear.

For now, it's just nice not to be in pain.

Posted by Erin at 05:36 PM | | filed under: Random

It's been a rough couple of months, I won't lie.

Between what turned out to be a major injury - I pulled two muscles, the name of which I cannot remember, but they connected to my groin, around my hip, and, I'm not kidding, I also pulled my butt muscle - and a big new job in addition to my big current job, working out has been all but impossible. At least consistently. I'd start, get sore, or busy, and stop. And start again. I did as much as I could, but it's been hard.

Lots of icing, stretching, Advil, etc., has helped.

Finally, though, the hip pain has subsided. It's still present in the immediate moments after I work out - I did my first three-mile run since I injured myself and it was tender enough right after that I worried I'd done more damage to myself. Alas, I'm fine. I'm seconds away from some stretching and icing so I can run again in the morning. And hopefully the morning after that, too.

The biggest change, and there are more on the way, has been the job. I work about 12-14 hours a day and the last place I want to be is a computer. And not being able to work out has contributed to about five extra pounds and a lot of bloat, stress and lethargy. I've been careful about my diet, but there is only so much a gal can do when she can't exercise, and I wasn't about to exist on 1000 calories a day just so I could keep from gaining.

Hopefully very soon I'll be back to regular blogging here, and combined with being able to get back in the gym and on the road running, I imagine my mood will improve, too.

Posted by Erin at 09:38 PM | | filed under: Random

How many of you Yelp?

How many of you think it's a good thing?

How many of you would think it's a good thing if you knew out in San Francisco they were doing this?

Hearing this sort of breaks my heart, mainly because I believe in the spirit of an organic community, and hate the idea that ad reps would effectively be, as the post says, "holding a gun to a restaurant owners' head" just to get a posted review in a top spot. What's a business owner to do?

I open this up to you guys - with full disclosure that the site where the discussion is taking place is a site I do contract work for as Director of Community Development - because you use the Internet as a resource more than most. And because I wonder if I'm the only like-minded user who is surprised and disappointed in these tactics. I was really pretty shocked when I saw the blog post at FohBoh, and I know that Yelp has come under fire recently, but still.

Would you support this?

Posted by Erin at 09:02 AM | Comments (0) | filed under: Random

Yes, what's TRULY a good idea is that we create a whole NEW generation of women who obsess about what they put in their mouths, why and oh! Make sure it only amounts to about 900 calories a day, fatties!

This is more, as the blogger points out, propaganda put out by the denizens who think that fat = unhealthy.

More from Junkfood Science, and you would be doing yourselves a favor to read the whole post:

"Not only is this extreme diet plan nutritionally unsupportable, it has no credible medical evidence of effectiveness for improving the health of growing children or for preventing obesity. Worse, by all evidence, the messages it teaches and food fears it reinforces, put young women at risk for physical and emotional harm.

"This program's 'healthy eating' messages are the same as those popularly believed by many young people today and the same ones being widely taught in schools and through childhood obesity programs. Young people would be much healthier without such 'nutrition' education at all."

Posted by Erin at 02:16 PM | | filed under: Random

So I had my first appointment yesterday with the sports massage therapist and holy smokes! I didn't realize how much I'd been living with that painful ache until we were done.

I still have icing, pain relievers, stretching and another session with Sophie (the therapist) but things are looking up! And today I head off to spinning class since I got the clearing for that from the doctor. My trainer and I are still taking it slow - I did so much core/ab work yesterday morning that it's tender when I take a deep breath - but I'll be back to my hard-core routine before I know it.

The massage therapist did a lot of explaining about how certain muscles work, and how the control the body, and work in conjunction with each other, and it made so much sense to me as to how we can injure ourselves when we're not careful, especially as we get older. Were my muscles already goofed up when I did sprint work that fateful night five weeks ago? Possibly. Could have been the opposite. What will count moving forward is that I keep my muscles carefully stretched and cared for as that this doesn't happen again. I should be able to do sprint work without putting myself out of commission for weeks.

So since I've gotten the clearing on it, too, I'm back to weekly Bikram, and I am so not even kidding. What she explained yesterday clicked in my head and gave me an appreciation for what's going on with my body. And I want to do everything I can to avoid this happening again. In addition to traditional stretching, a 90 minute yoga session once a week is in order.

Finally, yesterday I bought a dress that I think might be a shirt. I'm wearing it, but I'm wondering if I should have pants on? It's that kind of day.

Sometimes I just don't get fashion.

Posted by Erin at 11:13 AM | | filed under: Random

Today for Father's Day, after breakfast with my dad, Scott and I headed to another south suburb to celebrate with his dad, grandpa and uncle.

We ended up at his cousin Mark's house where in the backyard sits a gorgeous in-ground pool. With slide and diving board. Along with cheese, Malbec and puppy dogs, pools have a way of entrancing me. Despite never ever being comfortable in a swimming suit, I have always loved the water, and never ever let being self-conscious in a suit keep me from enjoying it. Somehow I've always been able to get around it by remembering that when it comes to swimsuits, really and truly, most women, no matter their shape, are never really that happy with how they look in them.

There are exceptions, but more often than not, I'm right on this.

So today there was swimming, but there I was without a suit. I'd had no idea. This, of course, was not going to stop me. As far as I was concerned, someone just get me to a Target and I'll pick up a black tank suit and we'll call it a day. We ran to the car and realized ... we had no idea how to get to the Target, despite the directions we were given. We opted to drive towards the shopping area I did know about, the one near to where my sister lives, and stumbled on, of all places, a KMart. I don't have any airs about discount places because, you know, people who shop at Target still aren't shopping at Saks and Barney's, no matter how much they want to pretend otherwise. They're in a Target.

That said, KMart isn't a discount place I go to normally, mostly because the selection stinks. But, applying the same logic to the excursion as I was to Target, I had no problems pulling in, grabbing a black tank and going on my way. Of course, wouldn't you know it, there wasn't a plain black tank suit to be had that didn't also have a skirt attached to it and I am not self-conscious about my thighs.

I also am not 70.

I was desperate, and hot, and the only thing I could think of was that gorgeous pool and how one of these days I was going to have to get comfortable with my body, and that meant even how much smaller it is these days, and just try on ... a tankini.

And so I did. And guess what? It fit. It didn't roll up or bunch - as tankinis are have always been wont to do on me - and instead looked more flattering than any suit I've bought in about three years. We got back to the house and everyone complimented me on my find, and the fact that I got it for $10. I was in the pool in about 20 minutes.

Look, I could wear a one-piece and still not be 100 percent comfortable with showing that much skin. I wear a size 10, I have muscles, I work hard and still? I'm just not a body shape for whom swimsuits are an ego boost. I'm short, and over the past couple of years developed some small pockets of cellulite on my butt that weren't there before, but I'm learning to find a way to be comfortable with being smaller and not being perfect - whatever that actually means, of course. Being smaller means I can wear two-piece swimsuits now, and I shouldn't be scared of them simply because I'm not without flaw. I didn't look hideous and, as it turned out, found a swimsuit I actually love.

And, God help me, it's a print. A print, people. I think the last time I wore a swimsuit with a floral print on it I was AGE 10, not SIZE 10.

This back and forth is getting easier, and less traumatizing. More normal. It still causes me to pause, but I've become braver. That's a good thing.

Posted by Erin at 08:13 PM | | filed under: Random

All week I've had weird cravings for the most processed nonsense.

You know, one of the reasons I cannot get on board with Hungry Girl is that I feel like she's all about fake food. I have yet to find one of her recipes that doesn't make me feel as though I'm punishing myself for wanting a cheese burrito. I've really tried, I have, and I don't think her site overall is horrible, but GOD. There is nothing I loathe more than what amounts to a diet that exists primarily on what I consider to be Fake Food, and the majority of her recipes feel just like that.

Let's advocate cleaner eating and, if the mood strikes you for a Taco Bell burrito? TRUST YOURSELF and go have that damn burrito and let's move on. I've said this before, I know, but we all buy in to the message that we have to cobble together poor substitutes for our particular cravings because if we "give in," we're screwed. And what does that mean anyway?I know, yes, all about trigger foods. I have my own. And I know this isn't easy. I struggle, too. But to subsist on a diet that's comprised mainly of these sorts of foods, and not even try, just once, after a piece of pizza or five, say to ourselves "I'm going to trust in myself that this was just pizza. Not the end of the world. Just pizza," and continue? I think what struck me most about Good With Cheese was how she perfectly captures the struggle to just tell ourselves that we're awesome no matter what, and really believe it.

</rant>

Ahem.

The other night I wanted a fried chicken sandwich. But I didn't want one badly enough to deal with what all of that grease was going to do to my digestive system. Plus, I planned on having a glass or two of wine that night as Scott's sister was coming over. So I went ahead and got a box of Spicy Boca chicken patties - which totally kick ass - and some of those Healthy Life buns (much better than Natural Ovens), some pickles and lettuce and some tater tots for good measure. Later in the week, I wanted hot dogs but I don't as a rule eat hot dogs because, you know, ick, but I was really craving all of the fixings, including the relish and sport peppers. Chicago dogs are the best. So I picked up some Ball Park all-white turkey franks, more Healthy Life buns, and the aforementioned fixings.

In both instances, my cravings were sated, and I didn't feel like I needed to bring out a whip and flagellate myself for eating what amounts to a substitute of the original craving. Just the same, the whole process seemed incredibly hypocritical considering what I believe. I made healthier choices, to be sure, and they were quite tasty, but again - hypocritical.

So this week I'm going to try something new. With our wedding coming up, we're trying to cut costs and save money where we can, and with food prices being so ungodly, I stands to reason that a cheaper way of eating is in order. We have farmer's markets and produce stands, all with incredibly reasonable prices, and as a result there is no reason why all of my meals can't come from these sources and cheaply, to boot. Plus, I haven't been getting nearly the amount of veggies I need.

Nothing fancy or crazy - I'll eat eggs, I'm sure - just a stab at spending some more time in the kitchen, taking the time to prepare healthy, tasty meals and hopefully remove all of that gawd-awful sodium from my body. I'll share the recipes, and if you have any fun veggie-centered recipes, shoot them my way. There isn't a vegetable I won't eat!

Posted by Erin at 10:11 AM | | filed under: Random

I have a little announcement to make, and thought I'd share with all of you good folks.

My thyroid is OK, I guess. I'm back on medication. More tests in eight weeks. I'll return to our regularly scheduled blogging very soon.

Posted by Erin at 12:41 AM | | filed under: Random

I'm at home sick - I'm cursed with horrible allergies, which lead to a really sexy case of acute otitis media, a condition more commonly found in kids but lucky me, I have a severe case of now, which lead to medicine that has left me with insomnia, the shakes, dry mouth and throat, but is starting to help with the aforementioned ear infection, but has all of the earmarks of a nasty chest and head cold in the meantime - and watching daytime television just now.

The latest Jenny Craig commercials came on, featuring Queen Latifah.

Is it just me or does she seem painfully awkward in those spots? I had to get up and leave the living room it was so terrible to watch. This is a woman who was nominated for an Oscar so it's not like she can't act. It's almost as if she's mortified they're making her say those words for that awful campaign. "Size Active." Lord in heaven. You can be active at ANY size, JC.

Honestly, it's as though she's figured out how lame the whole thing is and is just gritting her teeth through it.

Posted by Erin at 10:03 AM | | filed under: Random

Today I took off out of work early to visit my grandmother who is the hospital. She is OK, though like anyone who is 86, there is only so much OK you can be. She knows it. She'll be there another night. I'll see her next weekend.

"This getting old business is for the birds," she leaned over and whispered to me today.

To be fair, this is a lady who last week was mowing her own yard with a push mower. Gas powered, but still. My grandmother is in such great shape, we should all be so lucky.

Here is the thing: when I talked to her the other day, days before she was in the hospital, she told me that my dad, JP, had told her that I was "as thin as you've ever been," she said. "He said you really look terrific." I sorta hemmed and hawed in response, not knowing what to say. In an attempt to put my personal politics about words such as "thin" completely aside, there was no choice for me to take that as anything other than a compliment, no matter how much I wanted to protest. "Oh, Gram, I just eat well and take care of myself is all." And it's true. I really do. But in those instances such a response just feels like a code word for "Seriously. I'm still so fat."

As soon as I'd walked into her room today, we talked for about two minutes before her face lit up like a Christmas tree and she said, "You really do look beautiful honey. You really are so thin." And I can assure you, I didn't have to worry about my complicated feelings about language to know that she wasn't reinforcing any ideas about feminine ideals or that I'd finally lived up to some expectation of beauty. She simply saw a happy and healthy me. A person who, yes, is thinner now, but who looks better as a result of a healthier lifestyle. The look on her face was so pure and unadulterated - like she was caught off guard - and she was just happy that I looked good.

Sometimes I think I get so wrapped up in the idea that I have to apologize for what I've done - because others didn't do it, couldn't do it, or chose not to - that I have to laugh. It's OK to be happy because I am healthy now. It's OK to be pleased with my appearance. It's OK to be proud, even, for having lost weight and continued to improve my body. Once in a while, it's OK to let your grandmother compliment you for being thinner than you've ever been and not feel like you're betraying any particular ideals - yours or anyone else's.

Posted by Erin at 10:50 PM | | filed under: Random

Aside from the bike commuting to work - it's 10 miles total - I took Wednesday and Thursday off from working out. My calves were really in so much pain and I just wanted them to heal. Today was lower-body work, which included more calf lifts and incline drills, so I'm glad I took it easy and rested. I even cut the cardio incline drill down back to 10 minutes.

I'm running later this afternoon so I'm not beating myself up over five minutes.

I was talking with some friends about miscalculating weight loss efforts - underestimating food intake, overestimating exercise output - and a look at my workout logs attests to that. I didn't do nearly as much cardio as I thought I was doing - perhaps I oughta actually pay attention to those logs and act on them sooner, huh? While I do believe the insane incline drills are what has pushed off some of this recent weight loss, along with bike commuting a couple of days a week, I've also gotten much stricter on myself with my meals, forcing myself to make really healthy choices when I'd rather take an easier route.

I miss the natural peanut butter with my afternoon apple, but I'd always rather have those extra calories somewhere else. My veggie subs don't really need cheese. Stuff like that. The things that aren't particularly bad choices whatsoever, but can add up. If I really wanted them, I'd have them, and just cut in other places.

In thyroid news, next week I go in for follow-up testing because I learned last week, when I originally intended on going, that my insurance had refused to pay for the testing back in January. It's since been resolved, but it meant that I've been off my thyroid medication for a week. Yesterday, after I operated on six hours of sleep - which is never good for me, even when I'm on my medication - I crashed. Felt that absence of the Synthroid HARD.

Tomorrow will be upper body work and kickboxing. Sunday will be running, maybe some yoga. I have a house to clean and work to do this weekend so the yoga may lose out!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Posted by Erin at 12:26 PM | | filed under: Random

It just occurred to me that I've been sitting at my desk all morning and have not once had to adjust the waist of my jeans so that they fit more comfortably and don't cut into my stomach.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph it's about time.

It's not as if I am so stubborn that I wouldn't have purchased a bigger pair of jeans - though not in these jeans since they cost about $150 - but I would so that I'm not faced with a summer in black pants. I'm not ridiculous. Still, it's nice to feel as though there might be an end in sight, or at least a break.

In other news, I'm trying out a new (old) Weight Watchers recipe I found when I went hunting through my cookbooks last night, trying to find something from which I could use the veggies in my house. I haven't eaten it yet, and foolishly (and accidentally) I grabbed the fat-free cheese at the store (grumble), so I can't vouch for its tastiness. Still. All those veggies sauteing in my house smelled great.

Open-Faced Veggie Sandwich
(For the WW folks, it said 5 POINTS in the book, but I had to use what I had in my house so I think mine might be a little lower, maybe like 3.)

4 slices of Natural Ovens Sunny Millet bread
2 cups of zucchini
2 cups of yellow squash
1 cup of mushrooms
1 cup of roasted red pepper
3 garlic cloves (I like garlic, your mileage may vary)
1 tsp of dried basil
1 tsp of black pepper
1 tsp of salt (the recipe calls for this but I don't use salt)
4 slices of tomatoes
1 cup of fat-free cheese

Spray pan, get hot. Saute the veggies together. I started with garlic, then mushrooms, then the squash and zucchini. I left the red pepper and seasonings till last. Cook until soft.

If eating per serving, toast one slice of bread lightly. Place one slice of tomato on the toasted bread, then top with some of the vegetable mixture. Sprinkle 1 Tbsp of cheese, broil. Eat.

Like I said, I can't vouch for this just yet but I think it sounds delicious in theory and makes use of a whole mess of vegetables. It makes enough for four servings, but watch out since a one slice constitutes a serving.

Posted by Erin at 12:13 PM | | filed under: Random

Rode my bike to work again today. It should not be surprising to anyone to learn that it's much easier to bike five miles when you're not fighting 35-mph winds! Since it's supposed to warm up even more, I'm expecting my ride home to be just as pleasant.

I missed spinning this morning by two minutes. TWO MINUTES. They'd locked the doors on me. Now, the door is as such where you couldn't see me standing there, and the music is so loud no one could hear me knock. I wasn't going to be an ass - I was late, that's what happens. A locked studio door is the universal sign for "No spinning for you, lady." So I did my lower body weights routine for an hour, followed by this super intense cardio routine that my trainer has me doing after each workout, on a specialized treadmill - think inclines that start at 25 and go to 50. Oy. It wasn't that big of a deal, considering I was biking to work today. Still. I was hoping for a spinning class. I got up at 5:30 a.m. for it, after all.

I'm feeling better in the past few days, certainly better than I was when I saw those pictures. I started my period on Sunday, and now that it's Tuesday, I think it's safe to say that my cycle contributed somewhat to my reaction.

Oh! Someone asked the other day about the whole "push/pull" lifting routine I was doing a few weeks ago and asked for a better explanation. I wish I had time to go into it, because I just don't, or that I could find it online to link to it - I looked, I swear. But! This month's issue of Oxygen explains the whole thing so I'd go and pick up a copy. This month's issue is, eh, OK. Maybe just read the magazine from the stand. :)

Posted by Erin at 11:16 AM | | filed under: Random

So I'm not the only one who is flipping out mad about Random House and its decision to not only continue with the preposterous use of a clothing size as a character descriptor in the Sweet Valley High series of young adult books being re-released by the behemoth book publisher, but also to lower that number.

The perfect size, it seems, is actually a four, not a six, as it was twenty years ago.

I know my previous post was riddled with more f-bombs than you can shake a stick at. My family is, no doubt, sighing deeply. My reaction was visceral, especially considering that it's been a tough winter, one that's found me struggling with my own body as it continues to adjust to thyroid medication. Five-to-seven pounds may not sound like a big deal to be gaining in three months, but when you work out as much as I do, and adhere to a pretty healthy, moderate diet, it's tough not to have all of your old body image issues surface when all of that effort produces, well, nothing because of the little blue pill you take every morning.

But all that said, I'm still angry about the language in the books. And by the emails and Twitters I received, I'm not the only one out there. Some of you sent emails last night to Noreen Marchisi and Kathy Dunn, and obviously, now, you can too if the spirit moves you.

I'm sure as much as anything that the SVH series isn't the only YA book out there that elects to use something such as a clothing size to describe its main characters. There is nothing inherently wrong with it, and there is nothing wrong with describing the body type of a main character in a book, fat or thin. What irks me is how that size, and therefore that body type, is quantified. In the canon of the series itself, I've never understood the importance of pointing out their clothing size, if only to forcibly hammer home the point that the Wakefield twins are conventionally attractive girls. But the idea of calling it "perfect?"

Really? Do we have to keep using such irresponsible language?

The fact that they've set that standard of perfection to an even lower size, one many girls simply can't fit into, is just cruel. And unnecessary. And as far as I'm concerned, if it is one more contribution to the cacophony of messages that serve to distort and destroy a young girl's self-esteem, no matter how seemingly innocuous, it's one contribution too many. I'm sure there are other books that use similar language, but this is the one that I grew up reading, one that I consider an influence in how I viewed myself. And it's the one whose publicist and publicity manager issued a press release touting the offensive phrase itself.

C'mon, Random House. Drop the the three little words and live with yourself a bit longer and more peacefully. Don't be such simple-minded assholes.

Posted by Erin at 09:21 AM | | filed under: Random

Especially the folks at Knopf Delacorte Dell?

FUCK YOU. Seriously. FUCK YOU.

And especially a HUGE Lose The Buddha FUCK YOU to both Noreen Marchisi and Kathy Dunn, two women who oughta know the fuck better. I don't know any woman who, no matter her size, hasn't been impacted by arbitrary standards of beauty, set by narrow-minded, fascist ignorants. So that the following is being lead by two women just adds insult to injury.

There is not a woman of my generation alive who didn't read the Sweet Valley High series of books and NOT recall the stigma of NOT being a "perfect size six," which, you might recall, was the size of the Wakefield twins, the main characters of the series. My boyfriend just took an informal poll at his office and EVERY woman he spoke to remembers and can recount that little fact as there wasn't a SVH book that didn't include that little factoid.

And now Random House is re-releasing the series, with some modern updates to "appeal to today's reader."

Which apparently includes LOWERING what constitutes a "perfect" size from the aforementioned six to a SIZE FOUR.

Look, I don't blame Sweet Valley High for a lifetime of body image issues, but subtle influences like reading "perfect size six" in book after book after book of a series I read in my formative years was just one more contributing factor. And to think that the people who publish these books would reissue the series with such damaging language angers me to no end. I don't agree with how it was used then, but culturally speaking, the idea of assigning perfection to a clothing size was certainly more pervasive in the 80s.

We're supposed to have evolved and communicated the dangers of perpetuating such ideas! We're supposed to care more for our girls! Hell, we're supposed to care more about our society in general that we stop allowing a select few to do such things.

I take responsibility for the fact that I'm an educated, knowledgeable person who has a choice whether or not to continue to be victimized by these sorts of people. I don't say this because a book publisher has decided to assign a value to a clothing size and now I'm feeling bad about being a size 10. But I'm a grown woman and I know better and I've fought long and hard to overcome "lessons" I learned as a young girl that taught me to hate my body and be critical of its shape at all times.

But it's the young girls who are going to read these books and think they don't measure up because the tag on their skirt doesn't read "4." That's what I'm mad about.

You should be too.

Posted by Erin at 03:10 PM | | filed under: Random

Pretty much the same things that have been going on for, well, forever now.

Some pieces of good news:

1) I have some personal training sessions owed to me at my old gym. I think about three or four. My current gym finally got back to me about the package I bought in December. This means I'll be able to work with a personal trainer for the next six weeks. Which rules.
2) I have the Shamrock Shuffle this weekend, which is the annual 8K race here in Chicago that marks the start of the running season. I love it. I'm running it in the morning and then heading off to Las Vegas for work that afternoon.
3) Vegas = Running The Strip in the mornings. Holy Moses. Just knowing that I will be running, for four days in a row, in 70-degree heat makes me giddy.
4) Yesterday I ran three, 10-minute miles.
5) Tuesday night I popped in a Turbo Jam DVD - Punch, Kick and Jam - and oh my God. Things on me hurt that hadn't hurt in a long time. Ow. I don't think I've done that in about four months and it was clear what muscles I've been using and not using.

Lastly, I'm worried about my thyroid medication and whether it's having an effect on my body. I had my dosage switched up in January and ever since then, I've had some serious issues with my weight. I haven't stepped on a scale in a while but things feel a little off. My pants are a smidge tighter, mostly my jeans, and it's just ... yeah. Off. It's incredibly frustrating considering how hard I've been working out, and all of the weight lifting I've been doing, all of the clean eating ...

I've not necessarily looking to lose weight - save for the few pounds I seem to have gained - as much as I've been looking to at least maintain where I'm at. I've been frustrated by the gain for some time and I finally figured out what may be to blame. There's no other possible explanation. Like I said, it's not a huge gain, but enough that something is amiss. And I wouldn't lose sleep over it if it weren't for the fact that it stands to reason that not only should I not have gained weight (not muscle mass here, people, as that wouldn't cause my waistband to be tight) but also shouldn't be struggling so much to lose it.

Anyway, after this month my prescription runs out and I do more follow up tests with my doctor. This whole thing irritates me to no end because the new prescription HAS helped me with the whole exhaustion issue, which has been nice. I can't remember the last time I got home and sat on the couch only to fall asleep. But this is what happens - you tinker and play and fix until something works better. Part of it rests with me - eating well, getting plenty of sleep, exercise, vitamins - and part of it rests with the medication. I'll figure out a decent combo eventually.

Anyone else have this problem with their thyroid medication? I'd really thought that I wasn't going to be hit with this after the lower dosage did so much in terms of dropping the weight with me not doing anything differently than I'd done before - it was after three months on the medication that my weight slipped into the 130s with, again, no huge changes in my lifestyle.

I'm opening the comments. Let me know your thoughts thyroid folks!

Posted by Erin at 11:26 AM | Comments (7) | filed under: Random

It took me a full week to recover from that cold. And then I had to go and eat corned beef and drink Guinness yesterday.

I had to. I don't screw around with shitty substitutes on the major holidays.

My stomach is in a bit of an uproar over it all, however, and despite a day of clean, light eating, my body is still adjusting. Plus I worked late tonight and didn't make it to the gym before work, so I don't know that skipping a work out helped things much. Ah well. Things happen.

Tomorrow I'm going to be in the gym by 5:30 a.m. so I can run my three miles and do some heavy-duty lifting. I've been doing the same routine for a month now and it's time to kick it up a notch. I certainly feel stronger, and I though I can't see much of a difference in my clothes, mostly because my body is still very much under wraps, I can see muscles defined where they weren't before. Which is good.

Next weekend is the Shamrock Shuffle and then I'm off to Las Vegas for nearly a week. Lots of running on The Strip is planned, if nothing else. Mostly I'm just praying for winter to finally make its exit stage left because I'm really not kidding when I say this winter is getting the best of me.

Posted by Erin at 09:47 PM | | filed under: Random

Running in 30 degree weather, while it's snowing, for six miles is way easier than running three miles on a treadmill in a heated gym.

It was awesome, and while I'm a little achy, it was nice to run that distance outside again. I think I might have exacerbated a cold bug - I do not want to catch this thing everyone seems to have but I can feel it coming on - but it was well worth it. I've since pumped cold medicine, vitamin c and enchinacea tea and I'm off to bed. Tomorrow is a rest day on my schedule, and I intend to use it. I want to make it to Wednesday so I can break out my new bike and ride to work!

My training schedule for the week is as follows:

Tuesday - Thursday: 3-mile runs, each day, weight lifting prior to each run. Upper and lower body.
Friday: Cardio kickboxing (optional)
Saturday: Spinning, weights
Sunday: 6-mile run

Of course when I make plans like these for myself I end up setting sick and not able to stick with any of them. So sad, really.

Anyway, that's the agenda. I'm off to bed.

Posted by Erin at 11:43 PM | | filed under: Random

OK. I'm just not responsible enough to update every day.

Here is the rundown: I missed my work out on Thursday, and on Friday all I could do was lower body lifting because the treadmills were all used up. So I missed my 3rd three-miler this week. I made it to a great spinning class yesterday morning, and did some lifting before class. And now I'm off for a six-mile run. Outside.

And I know it's cold - it's about 30 degrees here in Chicago - but I cannot even get my brain around running six miles on a treadmill. Three has been my limit. It is more boring than watching paint dry.

Posted by Erin at 12:24 PM | | filed under: Random

All of you lovely, larger-breasted ladies and your Enell love! I should have mentioned that I am a 34B. They fine folks don't make a bra small enough for my boobs.

Which makes me sad because it's as though some companies don't believe the smaller-chested of us don't deserve some support. My boobs are small but they do all of the requisite boobie things ... like bounce uncomfortably when I run! So we're stuck double-bra-ing it. I am so jealous because those bras look like they'd do the trick if they came in a smaller size.

As you were.

Posted by Erin at 03:48 PM | | filed under: Random

Training March 5
Run: 3 miles
Weights: Upper Body, Pull day

Thanks for all of the helpful suggestions you guys! My mission this weekend is at least two new bras.

So I realized I probably oughta explain my whole lifting "push day/pull day" thing. If you're a reader of Oxygen magazine, you probably know what I'm talking about, but if not, here goes.

In their February issue, they featured a training program that isolated not only certain muscles, but also the manner in which you perform the exercises. So on a push day, I perform upper body moves that have me pushing the weight away from me - chest presses, flys, tricep kickbacks, etc. - and on a pull day, it's moves that have me pulling the weight towards me - rows, bicep curls, dead lifts, etc. - and you do each on separate days. There also is a lower body section - squats, lunges, other horrible things - that is responsible for all of the hobbling I've been doing as of late.

Each move is done with a heavier weight, 15 reps, two times. I don't know - really, I don't - if it's helping that much yet but I really am hoping that I'll start seeing some results soon. When you're buried underneath all of this clothing day in, day out, stupid winter, it's tough to get a gauge.

I know there are probably more intense, more ideal programs but this has kept me lifting this season, which is more than I could have said before. After next week, I plan on kicking it up a bit, perhaps going back to an old routine I used and loved. For now, this is working in that it has me picking up weights.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

Posted by Erin at 12:35 PM | | filed under: Random

Training March 4
Run: 3 miles
Weights: Upper body, push

I literally grabbed my breasts this morning when I started out on the treadmill they hurt so much. Clearly a sign that I need a new sports bra.

Anyone got any recommendations? I've opened up the comments on this one ...

Last night I took Scott to Kuma's for his birthday and managed to not only order one of their burgers all veggie-style, but also avoided eating their awesome pretzel bun, which is hard because it's amazing. On Sunday I had a turkey sub from Subway and there was no way my body was going to be happy digesting two days worth of white sugars like that. No way, no how.

Sometimes being healthy is not as tasty as Dr. Oz would have you believe.

Today's run was good - I'm pushing myself pretty hard these days. I'm really trying to get better where my time is concerned. I have to admit that last year I never pushed myself as hard as I needed to in order to improve my time. I'm giving it a more concerted effort this year.

I'd really like to be in the 10:30-, 11-minute mile mark by year's end!

*Thanks to everyone for their great suggestions!

Posted by Erin at 01:12 PM | Comments (19) | filed under: Random

Training March 3:
Run: None
Lift: Upper body, push day

... are we in the middle of some sort of constipation epidemic? Because yesterday I made my way down the dairy aisle at a Super Target in the south suburbs of Chicago and I'm so not kidding you when I say that as far as the eye could see were products to make you poop.

Seriously. EVERYTHING. It's as though the dairy industry has commandeered our digestive systems, and if in fact we hope to partake of their delicious cheeses and yogurts, we'd better be ready to get regular.

In light of all of my issues last week, I tend to welcome such things with open arms. Besides, it's like a little built-in excuse to eat yummy cheese.

So I'm going back and forth with keeping some sort of training log now that the official running season is upon us. Well, it's coming up in a few short weeks. I don't really have anything I feel as though I need to be keeping track of, there's nothing I'm actually training for, but I'd like to start tracking how much I actually run. Plus, it might give me a good excuse to write here more every day.

At the top of each entry will be the projected work out for the day. It'll be in italics before I run/lift/whatever and then bolded upon completion. On Sunday's, I'll tally it all. Since I'm following Hal Higdon's guide to marathon training, I'll hot link to it, too. I'm game to at least give a crack at trying to run farther distances; it seems ridiculous that someone who runs as much and for as long as I have shouldn't at least take a stab at it. If I hate it again, it's not like the training is a waste of my time, you know?

This is why I need the weather to improve. I'm bored.

Posted by Erin at 02:23 PM | | filed under: Random

I bought a bike!

Well, my dear friend, Sarah, is off to New York City next week - she's a talented dancer and has been accepted into a dance troupe there, and we will miss her to pieces - and she sold me her bike for $50. I'd been going back and forth about a new bike - mine bit the dust many eons ago yet I still rode her sporadically. It was a heavy, wretched mountain bike. I always loved riding but I hated riding it.

Enter The Falcon!

I work only five miles from home and, as it happens, in one of the country's most bike-friendly cities. It helps when your mayor is an avid cyclist himself. I've been itching to look into buying a decent bike to use as a commuter, not a racer, because the idea of riding 10 miles a day, just as a mode of transportation, pleases me to no end. That said, I'm on a serious mission to save every penny I earn into my retirement and in investments, which means I don't leave much wiggle room for extra spending.

So when Sarah sent out an email saying she was selling her purple Falcon road bike, I was all over it. I picked it up today and the best part? Immediately took it over to Rapid Transit to get new handlebars - upturned, to make it commuter-friendly - and a tune up in time for the warm weather. I got it in before the rush and so I'll be good to go when the temps rise again.

All I need now is a helmet and a basket.

There's no excuse for me not commuting to work by bike - my office has private showers, locker room and a towel service at my office so I've got the place to clean up. While it certainly cost me a few extra bucks for the handlebars and tune up, for the same amount of money I wouldn't have gotten nearly as good of a bike and the money it'll save me in gas and CTA passes will more than pay for it.

This year I've learned that I am truly a warm-weather fitness person. I am inspired by the sunshine to go out and play in it. I will get in the gym but I won't feel nearly as happy and joyful afterwards, no matter how good of a work out I get in. This has been a tough winter, though, and I'm happy to have something like this to look forward to once this ice all finally melts.

Posted by Erin at 12:42 AM | | filed under: Random

I think over the past several months - every since my weight dropped to 138 pounds, actually - it's been pretty clear that a majority of my navel-gazing-type writing has been squarely focused about learning to accept my body.

It's funny what a big realization "goal weight" can be when you're standing in the mirror, looking at yourself in this body, finally weighing what The Man says you're supposed be weighing, and you still think you look just hideous.

Actually, it wasn't funny at all. It scared the ever-loving shit out of me. While I'm perfectly aware of the fact that 138 pounds on a woman who is 5'2 is certainly nothing to be concerned about - I'm at a perfectly healthy weight, obviously - what is disconcerting is that I'm at a healthy weight. What had happened to me that I'd actually stare at myself, as healthy and active and glowing as I'd ever been, and absolutely hate what I saw?

The other day, my boyfriend was standing over me - I was sitting on the edge of a chair and he was standing directly next to me - and bent down to kiss me. He grabbed my face in his hands right after and said, "Jeez. You really have the most beautiful skin. You're such a pretty lady." He wasn't kidding and he didn't say any of this with a sing-song voice. It was sincere, in the moment and he meant every word. He does this a lot. About all sorts of different parts of my body.

(Minds. Leave the gutter.)

I wanted to be able to see myself the way I knew he sees me. There was no reason to continue to behave as though I hadn't earned the break from the self-flagellation. I wanted to feel good about myself, to see myself as attractive. To not waste time thinking about what I should look like as opposed to liking how I do.

Conflicting for me has always been the fact that while I'm making earnest steps to accept my body, I'm incredibly proud of the weight that I've lost over the years. Losing weight gave me a life I didn't think I could have, and even still with the body image battle I do, I am way more comfortable in this smaller body than I was when I was 188 pounds.

That's simply a personal perspective, nothing more, nothing less. I know I sound incredibly harsh when I talk about rejecting the notion of food having control over me, and I'd like to reiterate that I'm not talking about those who struggle with an addiction or other serious conditions that can't be dealt with by simply deciding that you won't let food have power over you. I'm not naive or insensitive. I understand that. For me, understanding that I didn't have an addiction or psychological issue that had me struggling with food, as much as it was me being a product of a society that conditions women not to trust themselves. That was key.

I'm always going to be a strong advocate for women choosing for themselves what path is best for them, rather than choosing to demonize anyone's decision to lose weight, gain weight or neither. I believe you can exist in a happy body image while following South Beach Diet. I believe you can cultivate a lot of personal joy and fulfillment that has nothing to do with a sugar rush while eating a box of Twinkies. I think you can exercise for an hour a day and not hate yourself. I believe these things are possible if we stop giving into our baser, female instincts to search and destroy our fellow ladies.

Women who've never had an ounce of excess fat on their bodies feel as inferior as the women who are fat and if I hear one more fat woman belittle the body image struggle of the thin woman I will pop her one. It's not doing anyone a bit of good.

This is all my way of saying that My Biggest Girl Crush Mo has the most touching post I've read on this issue and for those of you still struggling, too, it's worth your time read the post, the reader comments and the response post.

Posted by Erin at 01:52 PM | | filed under: Random

You guys, did I mention that I hate winter?

Right after my last post, I managed one outdoors run (two miles, nothing major) and it was exhilarating and wonderful and exciting and everything I love about running that I've missed so much since winter arrived and I was telling myself, "You can handle this! It's not that cold anymore!"

And do you know what happened?

It got super cold again. And then it was warmer and things melted but I wasn't able to go running but I promised that I'd go back out the day after but then it got SUPER SUPER cold and froze over all that water and now the entire TOWN is covered in a sheet of ice.

I am so mad I could scream. I just can't run in this shit. I can't.

So I'm back inside, on a treadmill like a rat, and I hate it. It drives me nuts! It's boring! It's stuffy! It stinks in there! I get self-conscious about all of the gas I inevitably pass because I love black beans!

Anyway. Ahem.

I slacked off for about a week on the weights but I'm back at it. Honestly, I am so bundled up and dressed for comfort that I couldn't tell you whether or not it's making a difference. I haven't stepped on a scale in weeks and most I can figure is that I haven't gained anything. Nothing is too tight, nothing is too big. Everything is just right. I still hate lifting but I am convinced that it'll pay off come summer when I'm more active and in need to muscles to ... I don't know. Maybe push something. Or lift something.

This morning I ran three, 10:54-minute miles. I originally thought I was doing 11-minute, but I realized that the 5.7 setting is closer to just under 11. That pleases me. I sent Scott a text to share this good news and he replied by telling me that during his run this morning, he did four, nine-minute miles. Because he is a show-off. I am trying to convince him that he needs to come out this summer and race with me but so far he is not convinced.

In other news, I want a cookie.

Posted by Erin at 01:53 PM | | filed under: Random

Seriously, I hate winter. I want to kick it in the shins.

I don't want to work out, I don't want to ... do anything but sleep. Well, and go out with my boyfriend. We had such a fun-filled weekend, filled with awesome food and friends. In lieu of sunlight, laughter is a good anecdote to the cold.

I made my favorite comfort dish at the end of the week - a WW-inspired Shepherd's Pie. It's pretty much just ground turkey, yellow squash, zucchini, diced tomatoes and kidney beans, topped with a very thin layer of potatoes - like a cup. You can barely see the potatoes but it provides enough creamy texture that you don't notice. Then I sprinkle some reduced-fat cheese. It's the sort of dish that keeps me sane while at the same time giving me that comfortable full belly feeling that is so nice this time of year.

So the Shamrock Shuffle is around the corner. This year I'm ramping things up a bit. While I haven't been running regularly these past two months, I think it's safe to start training at an intermediate level. Today is Day One a three-mile run and strength training. I'm going to go ahead and run outside tonight. See how it goes.

I just really miss running outside so much!

Posted by Erin at 01:43 PM | | filed under: Random

I've gotten some really kind and sweet emails in regards to the "No Pudge" entry.

One, though, kind of bothered me:

"Aren't you ever scared when you can sit there and eat 5 fudge brownies? I've lost a 100 pounds and maintained it for several years......but I think I will always be afraid that I'm going to find that 100 pounds again ... Every time I think about restricting my diet even slightly I start salivating over...., well, pretty much anything. Because I know that it would be all too easy to go back. And that's a pretty scary thought."

Hell no, I am not scared. For a few reasons:

1) I've learned not to let food have that sort of emotional control over me anymore, and not let eating five brownies one night derail me. Even if they were real fudge brownies it's silly for me to buy into the idea for even one second that I'm going to somehow lose that much faith in myself that I'd "go back."
2) Food isn't something to be scared of. It's not going to hack off your leg in the middle of the night or beat you senseless. Food is only scary if you assign it that sort of worth.
3) Putting on a few pounds is not the end of the world. I'm not trying to turn this into a fat acceptance blog over here by any means, but for God's sake, ladies: There are worse things to be than fat. Say this again with me: There are worse things to be than fat. Sure, the world treats fat people differently, and it's patently unfair, but I can name about ten things I'd rather not be - sick, unemployed, broke, held captive, Republican - and fat is not one on that list.

And just to further my point? And one I wasn't going to share until I got this email? I stepped on the scale this morning and I actually lost two pounds this week. You're not going to undo all the work you did by eating five brownies. It just doesn't work that way.

It isn't that I don't understand how difficult weight loss is to maintain, and that maintenance calls for us to be pretty mindful of what we're doing, but at what point do we stop buying into the notion that we're somehow powerless over food? I'm not talking about those folks who truly struggle with an addiction. Not at all. I'm talking to people who are like me, who spent way too many years giving way too much lip service and time to food.

If you've lost weight - I don't care if it's 10 pounds or 100 - then you already know you're not powerless over food so why keep wasting your brain space by telling yourself that you are?

Posted by Erin at 02:41 PM | | filed under: Random

... I made an entire pan of them tonight. I had a box in my pantry, I dug it out, threw in the nonfat vanilla yogurt, and ... BAM! Brownies.

I think I've had five brownies already. I don't even rationalize this sort of eating anymore - all of the working out I've been doing doesn't cancel out the desire to eat five brownies. It might thwart some of the damage that consuming that much sugar can do, but my lifting and running this afternoon doesn't all of a sudden make them righteous brownies.

This still happens is what I'm saying. I've kept off almost 50 pounds and I still get these nights. These nights - when I've been trudging in the snow and cold and muck for almost two days and all I want to do is dive into some brownies. It wasn't because I was still hungry after dinner, or that I was emotional about something, or stressed. I just wanted a big ol' pile of brownies.

Why am I telling you this? Why does it matter?

Because I think we still shame ourselves into a corner when it comes to eating. I think those of us who have been in what they call "maintenance" for some time flip panic buttons when we eat too much of a good thing. As if we ought to. As if listening to our bodies telling us we want something like brownies once in a while is a bad thing. So we tell ourselves we earned it, or we worked off the calories, and we think we need to take part in this mental exercise in order to assuage the guilt we're told we should feel.

Do you know how not guilty I feel right about now?

It's just food, you know. It might give me a sugar crash later, and it might make sleep a little uneasy tonight, and God knows it's really not an optimal choice for someone trying to watch it with her thyroid, but it's just food. Tomorrow I'll wake up and, God willing, it will have calmed down enough outside to take my dog for a walk in the snow. And we'll get back and I'll have my little bowl of Grape Nuts with soy milk - Try the high-fiber vanilla Silk, people! I picked it up accidentally but it is really good stuff! - and then some coffee. Later on, I'll have some carrots and the lean pork chop I slow-cooked the other day, and probably an apple. And then I'll go and run for about 45 minutes before heading home for the night.

I really don't know what I'm going to do for dinner but I imagine it'll involve soup.

My only point is that we have to have enough respect for ourselves, enough trust in ourselves, not to listen to the voices we've been socialized to hear - the ones that cause us to ignore our better judgment, the ones that have us falling off proverbial wagons, eating toxic foods for a period of time, and then latching on to yet another diet, spending our hard-earned money on boring things like pre-packaged meals instead of manicures and CDs and tickets to plays. We allow ourselves to be ashamed for eating a few extra brownies, and instead of just letting them be a night of extra brownies, we decide that they've become symbolic of how we constantly "fail."

It's not failure to want to eat some cheese fries. It's not a failure if you do. It's only failure if you've let yourself believe that eating them means you don't have the courage or strength to continue to take care of your body.

I guess I write this down for me, too. After years of chastising myself for those nights of eating in bacchanalian fashion, when I'd subsequently label myself a fat loser, and continue to berate myself into a bag of Cheetos, I still struggle with the voices that tell me that a night of some extra brownies means I might as well throw in the towel when it comes to taking care of myself.

This, of course, makes no sense. Especially when you figure how much I love to run. How much I love kickboxing. I still don't love the weight lifting, but I've been sticking to it! I love working out. Love it so much I would marry it. And while I will probably never actually love a lunch that doesn't include a big turkey bacon sub on Italian bread with extra mayo and a side of jalapeno chips, I know that I feel better because of I'm not eating this way on a regular basis anymore. That's become enough of a reason for me.

So a night of a few brownies on a snowy winter Thursday isn't the worst thing I can do. Or that you could do. Giving up, however, just might be.

Posted by Erin at 08:50 PM | | filed under: Random

Sometimes when I'm working out at my gym, especially in the little room on the second floor, off of the main area, I can't helped but be wigged out by the fact that those wacky Real World Chicago kids confessed there and ... whatever else they did.

I have nothing going on of any interest. I really don't. I'm still lifting weights - can you believe it? - and running and kickboxing and fighting with all of the New Year's resolution folks for space. My running has really been cut short because of this and there is such a lack of treadmills at my gym that it boggles my brain.

In thyroid news, it's been almost two weeks on the new medication and I haven't been unnecessarily exhausted once! I can actually sit on my couch and watch TV and not want to fall into a deep sleep. It's the best feeling in the world.

(I didn't get quite enough emails to open up the comments to a thyroid discussion, and I know that makes me sound like a total shit, but I have just been burned one too many times by creepy commenters. Sorry, all.)

Basically I just feel like I spend the majority of the winter getting by and getting through. It's cold, dark and I would give anything to be spending my mornings outside, running four miles in the sun before work. I can't wait for those days to get here again.

Posted by Erin at 10:59 PM | | filed under: Random

It's so hard to stay motivated when you've been sick with a cold for ten out of the past 24 days.

I don't know when I got such a delicate constitution, but there you have it. I'm coming down off yet another cold. As a result, my workouts have been spotty. I trained hard during the days following up to the cold, stay sick for about six days, start up again, repeat. I haven't even bothered to step on the scale (last I checked I think I was at 145), but I do feel awfully bloaty and soft.

This could be due to period issues going on, but I digress.

It's stupendously cold here in Chicago, on top of it all, and there's been snow and slush, and at the end of it, it makes it all hard to want to do anything but crawl back into your footie pajamas at the end of the day with some hot soup and chai tea. I know this is part of the deal of winter, of this time during winter in particular. It's prime hibernating season, and everything in our bodies just yearns for carbohydrates and comfort. All that Vitamin D deficiency wrecks havoc, man.

But, now that the sniffles have subsided, I'm doing my best to fight back. The eating quality has been fine (probably could use some more fruits and vegetables, but I chalk that up to being sick and only wanting chicken soup), but it's the workouts that are suffering. Again, the whole being sick the majority of the month contributes, but I have to get right back up on that horse or fall victim to the dreaded winter blues.

They say you need to schedule your workouts like you do any appointment, so that's what I've done. I have a gym at work that I've been using, in addition to the gym I belong to, and I'm hoping that adding things like "Weights - noon" into my Treo, with repeating schedule and alarm, I'll treat these sessions with the same attention I do any other meeting or social engagement.

Especially since I've just agreed to do this.

That's right. An ultramarathon. Thirty-one miles of love.

Please understand, I'm not running this whole thing. No way, no how. My friends don't plan on running the whole thing. Hell, I doubt I'm even going to finish. I fully expect to clock in at 13-, 14-minute paces, if not longer, considering I plan on walking a great deal of it. But it's one of those things that no one in their right mind (unless they've trained hard core for such a thing) expects to finish. But my friends are going out to do something fun together, to spend an April Saturday outdoors, and that's it.

Finishing, thankfully, is not the point.

But still, 31 miles is a hike, and if I run/walk even half of that we're talking a half-marathon. It'll be quite a day.

So, winter doldrums and excuses have no place here. None at all.

Posted by Erin at 07:30 AM | | filed under: Random

OK, everyone. I can't keep up with everyone's emails about The Thyroid.

But I feel like you all want some place to congregate. If I open up at least one entry, would you want to chat with each other? Find out what you have in common? Exchange emails? I hate opening up my comments because - gah - one asshole is one too many but I feel like you guys are looking for ladies to chat with, and some of you have stuff going on that I can't totally relate to, though I wish I could help.

If I get about ten emails asking me to do it, I'll open up an entry to comments so you all can get in touch with each other. If not, I'll go about the regular business of this site. Email me at erin0420 at gmail.com and after ten emails, I'll open up the comments.

Deal?

Posted by Erin at 11:05 PM | | filed under: Random

So usually when I post something about the thyroid stuff, I subsequently get several emails asking me for follow up - what meds I take, when, what supplements, what I eat, etc.

Hypothyroidism is sort of this weird condition wherein a few of the symptoms are universal (for the most part) but the solution varies vastly. Medication helps for the most part, but in what amount? And should you wait a half-hour or an hour before eating breakfast after you take your daily little pill? Are there certain foods I shouldn't eat? Should eat?

For me, as it is with anything, I do lots of research. Part of that reaction is due to my training - I'm a reporter by nature, so I'm always inclined to try and suss out as much information as I can. When I was diagnosed, I Googled like a mad woman and then bought two massive books on the subject. Here's the thing: your doctor can only do so much for you. He or she has dozens and dozens of patients and won't always take the time to chart out a detailed plan for you.

In an ideal world, they would. They just won't always be able to.

So it's up to you to pay close attention to your body and figure out when things are related to the hypothyroidism or not. Chart, track, research, tinker. When I hit my 20s, I started having horrible migraines. At least once a month. Since I started taking my thyroid medication in June? I've only had one. And migraines apparently can be symptomatic of hypothyroidism. When I break it down to why I had the one I did? I had been sick as a dog and coming off of the holiday season where the cheese, breads and refined sugars were plentiful ...

... and because I've figured out that eating these things make simply feeling normal a more arduous task, I don't eat them. Which was another tip I learned from the research. The pills alone don't do the job. They help tremendously - without a doubt. But your body's ability to function at nearly every level is compromised by the condition so you need to help it wherever you can.

I'd rather suffer through a world without crusty bread than one that includes migraines. The pills help with the migraines, I help with the digestion.

Anyone with hypothyroidism who's learned this fundamental will tell you that. Now I've heard from a few of you that the brand-name synthetic - Synthroid is what it's called, the generic is simply levothyroxine sodium - has shown a remarkable difference in how you feel. I'm hoping it will for me, too! The symptom that has really given me the most trouble, the one I can't seem to lick no matter what I do, is the exhaustion. I get no less than eight hours of sleep every night. I eat well, exercise, take vitamins ... I'm still pooped. Some days, all I will do is sleep.

Since my numbers are still on the high-end of normal, I'm hoping the increased dosage, and name-brand prescription (which doubled in cost, BTW), will help. I'd give my eye teeth not to doze off as soon as I sit on a couch or let my mind relax. It's insane. I used to think it was just me until I was told exhaustion is one of the most common symptoms you can have.

ANYWAY ...

Since I know how frustrating it can be to find little-to-no information about things, I'll share some of the things I've found to be successful in my treatment, with the caveat that it might not work for you!

Posted by Erin at 09:22 AM | | filed under: Random

Spoke with my doctor yesterday. She's encouraged by the results, and says that as long as I keep with the diet and exercise, I shouldn't worry much about my cholesterol.

It'll just be something we continue to monitor.

She's also increasing the dosage of my thyroid medication and switching me to the brand-name version. Because I trust her and thinks she's the cat's pajamas, I'm going with it. We're hoping the increase takes care of the whole exhaustion thing a bit better.

I would just like to be able to eat a piece of bread now and again without feeling that it's taking all of the will in the world to digest the sucker.

I'm excited to start taking the new dosage tomorrow, which, upon saying that, makes me officially an old lady.

Yesterday I worked out so hard and got so much exercise I'm surprised I'm not hobbling all over the place. I spent 40 minutes lifting at work (we have a private little gym in the building) and immediately after work hit a 45 minute cardio kickboxing class. Then there was all of the walking I did. I slept like a baby.

Today? Another 40 minutes of lifting here at work and the a three-mile run tonight. Probably at the gym because it's colder than all get out here and I'm not fond of being any more uncomfortable than necessary.

Tonight when I get home, it'll be one long evening of cooking - turkey meatloaf and BBQ turkey meatballs. I'm salivating at the thought.

Posted by Erin at 11:41 AM | | filed under: Random

So I finally went last week and was retested to see if the medicine I've been on to treat my hypothyroidism has had any effect.

Well, most certainly.

My TSH levels, when I was originally tested, clocked in at 6.682, which made them waaaaay over the accepted limit. This was the number that clued my doctor in to my condition. Now? Now that number is 3.34. This means they're still on the high end of acceptable, something I'll go over with my doctor. Can we get those levels lower? I don't know. Here's to hoping. I'd like to see it lower as I know that some people test in this number range before treatment and are eventually diagnosed as hypothyroid, even though their condition isn't as severe as mine.

But there is another number that concerns me much more. My cholesterol. One of the things that hypothyroid causes is a really high cholesterol. Heart disease doesn't run in my family (to my knowledge, anyway), but I'd really hate to be the one to start that trend. Especially since it does run in my boyfriend's family and we do want to have kids together some day.

When I was tested in May, my total cholesterol came in at 245. According to the American Heart Association, this puts me at "more than twice the risk of coronary heart disease as someone whose cholesterol is below 200 mg/dL." Do you know what it is now?

242.

That's right. Still dangerously high.

When you break down my HDL (good) and LDL (bad) cholesterol numbers, the numbers are more encouraging. In May, my HDL test came in at 82. The preferred number for that is anything greater than 40. So, right there, I'm an overachiever. Last week's results showed they've gotten even higher, coming in at 96. My LDL, both back in May and now - at 116 and 117, respectively - are still OK, falling in under the acceptable level of less than 130.

My triglycerides also showed a major improvement - in May? In May the number was 232. Now? 152. A HUGE improvement. And, according to the accepted levels, just two points shy of the normal range.

Still, that total cholesterol number worries me. I'm encouraged by the small numbers, but it's worth discussing with my doctor this week what I need to do to address that high number. What can I do? I feel like I already eat one of the most controlled diets imaginable. Would the month of Christmas eating caused that number? Do I need to monitor more of my foods? Lord, do I really need to regularly take those stupid Omega-3's?

(Don't answer that. I know the answer myself. Sigh.)

So that's it for now. I'm certainly encouraged, and I can't stress enough how important preventative care is. Had I not gone in last year for just a plain ol' physical I would have never have learned all of this. I'll admit that I'm luckier than most because not only do I have good insurance, but also a doctor who thinks to test for these things - you would be shocked by how many women are refused thyroid testing. It's almost criminal. My doctor tested me for it without even telling me; I had no idea to even ask.

Like I said, lucky.

That said, you need to take charge of your own health. Be your own advocate. The best thing you can possibly do for yourself is to learn as much as you can about your body, about its current state, and what you can do to be as healthy as you can both mentally and physically. In know it's not always easy to gain access to this information without paying through the nose, but many communities have clinics and programs you can take advantage of for much smaller fees than a traditional doctor's office might if you don't have the right insurance.

Posted by Erin at 04:31 PM | | filed under: Random

Feeling 100% better. Seriously.

I don't know if it was just that the ratio between healthy food and fattier food was out of whack, or that I need to adhere to a stricter eating regime, but in the week it's been since I've resumed a more thyroid-friendly diet, things physically and mentally have been awesome.

I will say, though, that I haven't been able to cut out caffeine from my diet, and I refuse to cut out alcohol. A cup of coffee in the morning keeps the headaches away, and I like a glass of wine or two when I go out. I can live without bread. Not without whiskey.

Today, after a shameful amount of time, I made it back to the doctor for my follow-up tests. I know I should be smacked for waiting so long - I was supposed to have done it 30 days after they discovered my stupendously high levels - but whatever. What's done is done. Scott, bless his heart, woke up early with me today and drove me downtown so I couldn't put it off any longer. He lives with this as much as I do, truth be told.

I don't know that he'd ever say it to me, but at some point, listening to me go on and on about being exhausted, and bloated, and exhausted, and ... did I mention exhausted? has to be an exercise is extreme patience.

They're also checking to see if my cholesterol went down any, and I'm hoping it has but not holding out any hope. I was so, so bad about taking the Omega-3s that I'd be shocked if I made a dent, despite all of my efforts in the diet and exercise department.

The tests should be back in a couple of weeks. I'll check back with the results then.

Anyway, I still haven't set foot in a gym. I'm so irritated by this I could spit, and I have no one to blame but myself. I don't worry about absences from the gym like this, I'll get back there, but when this happens, when I got two, three weeks without being in the gym, I wonder why I don't make it a priority so that I fit it in somehow. It's all a direct result of a busy social calendar, not me talking myself out of it.

I was going to run after work yesterday, but then it started raining and lightening, and going to the gym wasn't an option because we had plans. I wanted to this morning, until Scott reminded me we had to go to the doctor. And tonight I'm getting hair done.

Tomorrow morning? I'm there. At 6 a.m. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm volunteering tomorrow night and the night after that so the morning it is.

In other news, the Jimmy John's "unwich" isn't as bad as I'd thought, but when you get to the end, you're reminded that there is nothing in the world as satisfying as the end of a loaf of crusty bread. For real.

Lastly, tune in over at Elastic Waist tomorrow where I'll be a guest on The Daily Special!

Posted by Erin at 02:22 PM | | filed under: Random

My body is going through withdrawal. I think.

As soon as I woke up yesterday, I began the process of cleaning out my system, a detox of sorts, by immediately cutting out all caffeine, sugar, breads, rice, pasta, dairy, alcohol and processed crap. It's been a veritable mountain of clean eating around here, complete with all of the vitamins and recommended supplements.

God I hate taking that many pills. Not including my birth control pills, I'm taking about ten pills a day, plus a Tablespoon of L-carnitine in my morning protein shake. None of it is stuff I haven't taken before - mostly things recommended for hypothyroid care, and nope I'm not gonna share what they are, mostly because sharing what supplements I take can come off like a recommendation and I don't want to be responsible for that - but I still eh, hate it. Not surprisingly, I already feel better.

I only plan on being this strict for a couple of weeks, mostly because it's not particularly practical and is too close to dieting, and also because there are alternatives I can eat that are relatively close to those I shouldn't be, but kinda get in the way of getting myself a little healthier. It's still tough to process dairy, but I know I can work it back in delicately.

More importantly, I haven't stepped on a scale because I want this process to be about feeling better, which I do already. Honestly. The hypothyroid thing causes me such problems digesting carbohydrates that eating only the "good" kinds and eliminating the rest, makes an immediate difference. That needs to be my constant inspiration, not what the scale reads.

I couldn't tell you what I weigh right now. All of my clothes fit, so I doubt it's changed much in the past month or so.

Posted by Erin at 11:27 PM | | filed under: Random

Every year, around this time of year, my traffic shoots up a bit, mostly owing to people starting or restarting fitness, health and diet blogs. Inevitably, one or more of these blogs has an author who somewhere in an entry chastises him or herself for even daring to make a New Year's resolution.

"It never sticks."

"It's probably stupid for me to even think that something will change this time."

You'll excuse me for saying this, but I say BULLSHIT. There is nothing, absolutely, positively whatsoever wrong with deciding that you're going to take another stab at good health. I get so angry at those who dismiss the efforts of those who look at the new year as a medium by which they can see a clearer path to feeling better about themselves.

I think where we tend to mess is up is that we solely focus our efforts on weight-loss. It's a fine goal, but it's not enough of a motivator to keep anyone on the path to good health. If it was, we wouldn't be subjected to yet another holiday season with yet another slogan out of our friends from Weight Watchers.

(Confidential to WW: You are a diet. DIET. Stop trying to pretend that you aren't. There are a lot of pluses to your program but sooner or later, you've got scads of men and women obsessing over POINTS on a daily basis, tearing their hair out trying to make themselves operate on such small amounts of food and, I have news for you, obsessively counting POINTS is no less dieting than counting calories. Suck on it.)

One of the ways in which I've tried to shift my focus is to remember that ultimately what brings me the most joy out of my efforts is feeling better. That feeling gets disseminated in a variety of ways, some of which are certainly vain, but for the most part, it's just walking around in my own body and not feeling achy and sore and bloated and sad and panicked. Eating right, taking my vitamins, getting sleep, exercise ... all of those things accomplish that and make me feel ... well, better. Sure, weight loss has been a by-product of those efforts, but not focusing on the scale has kept me from stalling out and quitting completely.

I'm not perfect, by any means, but I'm much better at this than I was before. And, for the first time in two years, I'm not looking into this new year concentrating on losing weight. I finally reached a place with my weight where I'm comfortable and happy, which allows me to focus on what this year's resolution is for me.

One of the things I learned pretty quickly after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism is that it can much of it can be controlled by my lifestyle choices, namely what I eat and how much I move. In the past month, with all of the holiday craziness, taking care of myself has not been as much of a priority as it should have been, leaving my diet open to a lot more things that have a negative effect on my health. I've been bloated more than I care to recall, so exhausted that I can barely get out of bed and right now I'm saddled up with a horrible migraine, though that's probably due to me getting over a gnarly cold.

So my resolution is to take my health a whole lot more seriously, most specifically my hypothyroid condition. It's not going away, so the best thing I can do is to start treating it like the chronic condition it is, rather than some periodic nuisance that pops up every now and again. If I want to feel healthy, I have to start living healthier as a rule.

This means no refined sugars, processed foods, breads, rice, etc. And I need to go back to no Diet Coke and limiting my caffeine intake to two cups a day. This means no fatty meats and cheeses, and certainly no potatoes. I would love it if there was room for this stuff in my life but there isn't if I want to feel better. I have to start finding alternatives, and it's just going to take some work.

Good luck with your resolutions - here's to hoping that this is the year it'll stick.

Posted by Erin at 06:10 PM | | filed under: Random

The week following the Christmas holiday is the worst in terms of sticking to any regular routine.

So I don't. The past few years I've stopped fighting it, pretending I can eat my balanced meals and hit the gym with the intensity I traditionally try to do, thinking I will curb my alcohol intake this year. It just doesn't happen. There are treats that I really and truly only get to have this time of year - cookies, my sausage stars, JP's ham sandwiches ... the list goes on. And there are parties - last night's parties alone I had mulled wine AND martinis, not to mention a mini cheeseburger. I am a sucker for miniaturized food. And last week there was tapas with pata negra and Manchego and bacon-wrapped dates.

Bacon-wrapped dates. For God's sake people - bacon-wrapped dates. Those are two of the most glorious food combinations ever. It is the marriage of awesome and amazing. And I not only had it when we went out for a friend's birthday party, but also at a party we were at last Saturday. Don't get me started on the organic scotch at Thursday's party, or the sour cream dip. I mean, it was one of those tastes that, if I think about it long and hard enough, I can still taste it in my mouth.

My point is that this kind of nonstop, constant bacchanalia of food is what happens this time of year. Partaking in it doesn't make me "bad" or "good" or "naughty" or whatever. It's just what I'm eating.

And so one of the ways in which I combat all of that negative self-hatred is to just give myself a break and not get my stomach twisted up in knots for the extra cookie or the extra martini. Everyone is indulging a little bit more this time of year, no need to hole up in my house, hating myself, promising myself a detox in a week, because I had pizza three days in a row. Better to just smile and enjoy it, and head off to ice skate with my friends because 1) it's a nice way to get some exercise outdoors in the wintertime and 2) because there promises to be wine and cheese after we're done.

So in this week, I challenge you to enjoy the holidays. Go take a long walk in the snow, looking at lights, with your iPod on and a few podcasts of This American Life. Go take some Bikram, and then kick back with a glass of eggnog. Meet your friends out for some cocktails and good cheer, and cheese. I always recommend cheese.

But most importantly, I challenge you to give yourself a break.

Posted by Erin at 01:55 PM | | filed under: Random

The talented David Tamarkin over at Time Out Chicago saved me the blog post:

"Last night on Project Runway, Heidi Klum prompted a round of applause for the surprise models, a group of middle-aged women who had each lost anywhere between 40 and 160 pounds. As the designers clapped, shook their heads in disbelief, and clapped some more, I heard myself thinking out loud:

"That's right. Because there's nothing more honorable than not being fat."

Posted by Erin at 01:09 PM | | filed under: Random

I am really behind on product and book reviews for a number of reasons, mostly because those aren't the blog posts I like writing and also because I want to be careful in what I choose to essentially promote at LTB.

But a word to everyone who keeps emailing lately about interviews, book promotions, product reviews, etc: PLEASE READ ME FIRST before you ask me to promote your ... whatever. You'll figure out quickly that your diet book on how to drop a bunch of weight or your article on women whose partners are making them lose weight don't have a place here.

And oh my God if you are the NY Post PLEASE remember that you already asked me to be in your article several days ago and I said that I couldn't help out.

PR People? Do your homework and figure out if there is an audience here for your product before you nag me every day for a solid week. I don't want to do your diet. I probably don't want to tell my readers to do your diet, even if you're "giving" me the dieting information for free!

In other news, I was able to bounce back this weekend from what is supposed to be one of the most embarrassing and traumatic experiences a fat girl can have and that is that someone asked me when I was due. That's right. You read that correctly.

In all fairness, I was wearing an empire-waisted babydoll top, and he was an older gentleman, but come on! My boyfriend was pretty upset on my behalf, because, as he said, "Guys know you don't ask that at all," and I have to admit I was less than thrilled by it, but after a day I snapped out of my funk. I mean, seriously. I am going to get upset about that? So he thought I looked pregnant? So what? What does it matter? It doesn't change a thing about my life. It doesn't mean anything at all.

Funny, though, that now that I'm in the best shape of my life, and in the smallest clothing sizes of my life, that someone finally asked me that.

Posted by Erin at 11:31 PM | | filed under: Random

Lose the Buddha goes national! Thanks, CBS! And thanks That's Fit for the head's up.

(Um, the video quality might suck. At least it does for me at home.)

Last night's spinning class was brought to you by Jock Rock - also known as "Cock Rock," which is actually what I called it. I'm OK with the occasional metal-tinged song but man. Last night was too much. That said, I really enjoyed the class itself and the instructor taught the class just as I prefer - a nice mix of speed drills and hills, with the time in between songs for actual water and tension breaks. Some instructors never offer a break or transition whatsoever. Today I'm no worse for the wear. Even my butt feels OK.

I'm also back down to 140 pounds - because God knows the human body is just strange enough to show a gain and then a massive loss in pounds - and even though it isn't an official weigh-in day, I'm going to cease the weigh ins for a while. Just consider me hovering around that weight unless I say otherwise!

Off to hit the snow!

Posted by Erin at 09:06 AM | | filed under: Random

A group of my friends were recently discussing how to, basically, straighten up and fly right over the holidays.

This always leads into much discussion about how we'll keep ourselves healthy and well during the holidays, a time when it's ridiculously easy to overindulge and marinate ourselves in All-Things-Indulgent. As for me, I try to keep active and remember that, in the end, it's just food.

Most of it is stuff I've eaten before, and will likely eat again, so there is no need for me to go off half-cocked and vacuum up a pile of mashed potatoes because it's, you know, the holidays. By that same token, if I happen to overeat, it's not as though I've just snorted up a mountain of blow off of a hooker's stomach, so there is no need to lecture or flagellate myself over it all.

It's just food.

More than anything, it's worth noting that the essence of the holidays is to be joyful. To celebrate, to give thanks, to be happy and grateful for the many gifts in our lives. The time we take to head up meetings of the Secret Self-Loathing Society during the holidays is time we take away from doing more awesome things like remembering how fortunate we are to have these bodies in the first place.

I think we're all so conditioned to beat up on ourselves when it comes to food and our bodies. None of us are very good at treating ourselves with loving kindness - having patience, looking at exercise and healthy eating as good things to do, meditating, sleep, etc. We're always looking to punish ourselves for any perceived misstep.

The best thing we can do this holiday season is to give ourselves a break.

Posted by Erin at 10:59 AM | | filed under: Random

Hi Women's Health readers!

And a big shout-out to Back in Skinny Jeans readers, too! Stephanie's site is way prettier and more useful than mine, so it's very kind of her to link to me. And a "hi" to Cranky Fitness readers, too! Those cupcakes are making me hungry. Also I should add my girls over at Big Fat Deal. They're having an interesting discussion over there as to whether or not BFD should be included in a discussion with a blog like mine.

My two cents?

I must admit that I get a little weary of defending and clarifying what I do here at my blog. I guess there is a misconception about my blog that I somehow promote the act of dieting because I adhere to a particular diet for myself, though I don't consider what I do to be dieting, but eh. What are you going to do? It may have started out that way, but LTB hasn't been a diet blog in the traditional sense in a long, long time. I suppose I wish some people would read what I've had to say these past couple of years rather than lump me into some stereotype because it's quick and convenient for them.

I can't please those people who want me to focus more about weight loss and I can't please all those who hate any mention of the process. Damned if you do and all. But I know there is a good many who read me who fall into the middle, so I keep on, keeping on.

BFD should absolutely be included in any discussion about body image and inspiration because, as I commented over there, they provide proof positive that what's most important is that acceptance starts from wherever you are.

Moving along ...

I cannot promise you that my wit is as hard-hitting as it once was, but bitches I AM a feisty one. They're totally right about that. The writer over at WH is waaay too kind; that was probably one of the kindest, coolest descriptions of me and this site that's ever been penned, and we've been called lots of nice things by lots of nice writers.

In all honesty, though, I'm still hard at work on the body image thing. I think we all are. I don't know that you can be a member of this society and not struggle with what constitutes a good body image.

Much like The Goal Weight, The Healthy Body Image has become the new Holy Grail that we're all expected to attain. Anything less constitutes some sort of failure on our part. And that's crap. Obviously that's crap. Any improvement is a victory, and if any one of your efforts - big or small - translates into one less moment of self-doubt or self-loathing, then you're a fucking rock star. The thing is, we can't all stay in a suspended state of anything; we're fluid, moving people. Whether it's a number on a scale or how you view your body, the idea that either is somehow something you can achieve and be done with for good is ridiculous. Because here is what happens, as an example:

1) You hit goal weight.
2) You go out for a cocktail with your significant other that night. It turns into five.
3) You wake up and you're up a half-pound.

See? Constantly changing. And if you obsess over the fact that any slight deviation in behavior will take you away from that goal, you're going to be miserable. Who doesn't want a night where one cocktail (or french fry or cupcake or whatever your poison) turns into five every now and again? Is that almighty goal really worth sacrificing those moments?

The same goes with body image. Some days, I'm afraid, you're just going to feel like shit. And you're going to wonder why you're not done with it already, why you can't just cease completely from the barrage of negative comments you throw at yourself every once in awhile. The key for me is to have a sense of humor about all of this so that I don't miss the days wherein I look smokin' hot.

And I think I looked smokin' hot yesterday, for the record.

Fitness and health are all a matter of paying attention and being aware, much like anything worth having in life. They aren't a matter of reaching a number on a scale or banishing forever self-doubt. You're going to have off days - I'm having a slew now - and that calls for care and patience on your part.

And I suppose being feisty wouldn't hurt, either.

Posted by Erin at 09:03 AM | | filed under: Random

So I've put on some weight.

Not a lot - I'm weighing in at 145.5 right now. Seriously, it's not a lot. I'm not freaking out or starving or binging or reacting to the change by taking desperate measures or laxatives or a toothbrush to my throat - though of course none of those things are things to joke about and I am certainly not doing so here.

Don't get me wrong. I'm just illustrating, albeit with much hyperbole. Because, you know, that's what it immediately seems to feel like when you gain six pounds. An exaggeration of the situation. My clothes aren't particularly tight, though I imagine in subtle ways I'm not exactly noticing, they don't fit as neatly as they might have six pounds ago.

That wrinkle in my pants? Yeah. Maybe that might not have been there without the six pounds.

But still, it's six pounds, and in my world, six pounds tends to be a short hop to 20. I wish like hell it didn't, but it's true. If I put on six pounds in six weeks, that's a sign. I did some examining and there's no doubt about it: I have not been as healthy as I'd like. One too many cocktails, or french fry sides, or yummy chocolate something-or-others. One too many days without consistent running or some kickboxing. One too many days adds up to six pounds.

As an experiment, to gauge things, as it were, I went back to portioning my food out and weighing it against the Weight Watchers POINTS scale and holy smokes - clearly I've been mistaking a half-cup for a serving the size of a basketball.

It's a mistake anyone could make, obviously.

See, what I don't want, what I really, really, really don't want, is to become complacent about the state of my body but at the same time, I don't want to lose my shit over six pounds. But I acknowledge my body's comfort zone, and while I'm OK in the mid-140s, I can examine my behavior and know that this current weight is not the result of genetics as much as it is the result of cheese.

Good cheese, but cheese nonetheless.

So this week I've started some religious counting and monitoring and weighing, just to stop this thing from escalating to a place where I don't want to be, where I don't feel healthy and productive. There is a small bit of vanity, sure, but I'm starting to really embrace the fact that I'm a woman of a little extra girth. I really am. But there is a line in the sand for me where my looks are concerned.

More than anything, I am the Queen of Slackdom. I will give myself so much slack that it seems pointless to rope myself up at all. If I don't crack the ol' whip on myself now and again, I'm liable to find every reason in the world why I deserve to have that cheeseburger. I will reason that the fact that I woke up is enough.

So my goal is to lose the six pounds. I do not know how long it will take. I would love for it to take, you know, a day, but it won't. My weigh-in day for myself is Sunday, and I promise to document it here.

This is the bitch part of maintenance. What to do when you're maintaining by the seat of your pants. Why you have to make tough choices for yourself in order to stay at a healthy place for yourself. It's not fun to do this. I really enjoy my little bacchanalian moments. But they've gotten a smidge out of hand recently and it's time to call a time out. Or I'll roll around in that stuff like there's no tomorrow.

And let's be honest: at a certain point, you start to realize that the choices you make now really do determine the quality of your tomorrow.

Speaking of quality, you all must go read Anne's latest post if you haven't already. She's a lovely woman, and I love what she has to say on just about, well, everything.

Some recipes coming tomorrow. And finally that product review. Stay tunes.

Posted by Erin at 03:53 PM | | filed under: Random , Weigh in

I went to Las Vegas for work for several days. I wasn't a fan of Vegas whatsoever, but I did something cool and ran a good portion of The Strip one morning. It's still in the 80s there, which means the mornings are in the 60s, which made it almost perfect running weather. Except for all of the dryness. My body is still recovering from all of that.

But I'd have to say that running The Strip (Scott calculated that I ran 3.4 miles on it) was one of my highlights as a runner. One of those fun runner things to do.

I've been kickboxing regularly at work and man is that a workout. Honestly, I don't do anything too fancy and my arms and my butt are always sore afterwards. I've also been trying to get some weight-lifting activity worked into my regular routine, as always. I've been doing my own form of circuit training, which goes something like this:

4 minutes of kickboxing, breaking down to two minutes per side. (One set will be a jab/cross/front kick combo, once on the left side, another on the right.)
2 minutes sprinting on the treadmill.
1 set of squats with the medicine ball (I toss a 4-lb. medicine ball up in the air and squat as I catch it)
20 sit ups on the balance ball

Rinse, repeat, using different kickboxing combinations and weight-lifting moves. I rest maybe for a minute total with each circuit. The idea is keep my heart rate up pretty high. I probably do this for 45 minutes and then I have to get in the shower and head back upstairs to work. Other days I just run, or even use the elliptical. I haven't been doing anything too amazing, just plugging along.

I see and read all sorts of things I want to write about but I just haven't gotten around to it. Things such as this week's Us Weekly cover article on Trista Sutter's (that's her name, right?) struggle