Ouch archives

The result of my trip to the doctor today:

The bad news: I am not running for the near future. Which means no triathlon, no races.

The good news: It won't last forever. Seems the sprint work just banged up some muscles of mine pretty good, and for now I have to ice it, take Advil, do some stretches that she showed me and get massages.

I know. I finally have a doctor prescribing massages.

Of course, they're the therapeutic kind, but the doc says the woman who works out of her office might be able to help me out in just about two sessions. My first one is Monday. I cannot wait.

In the meantime, I can resume all of my normal weight training, and I can bike again. She said to take it easy, of course, and that I should start small, but at least it means I can start working out again. Thank GOD.

Posted by Erin at 02:38 PM | | filed under: Ouch

So my hip is still causing me some grief, though not as much as before. Still enough pain, however, that I have to block out the voices that want to run six-hundred BILLION miles right now and continue to stay off of my feet.

Oh my God this is THE PERFECT running weather for me right now. Hot, sunny, intermittently rainy ... just awesome.

But I can't or I know I'm going to injure myself for good. And after three weeks and still coping with the pain, I've made an appointment to go see a podiatrist, one who specializes in sports medicine. I've seen her before, and she's good. I hate hate hate having to go see another doctor for something - I got a CAT scan last Friday to try and get to the root of my sinus/ear pressure problems they haven't been able to solve! Whoopie! - but I really want to get back to running. Thanks for all of the awesome emails, everyone, as they've been so helpful. Especially from those of you who are going through this yourselves.

I did meet with my trainer this morning because I just couldn't handle not doing something. We did a lot of work with the foam roller and all upper body work. I can't do much cardio right now as I can't put pressure on my hip to exert some real sweat, but she did OK the stationary bike, and didn't cause me a lick of pain at Level 7. I'm not allowed to pedal very fast, but it's something. It felt good to be back in the gym, even if it felt a little wussy.

I did go to the running store yesterday to buy new shoes, as it was time. Foolishly, though, I didn't double-check the size because I was just getting the same style, and the guy brought me a Brooks GTA Adrenaline 8 in a size 7, as opposed to a Brooks GTA Adrenaline 7 in a size 8. It made me sad to be there and know I wasn't going to be running soon, but I do like getting new shoes.

So that's it right now. I'm back to following my more thyroid-friendly diet because it's easier for me to maintain my weight when I cut out carbs and sugar. And since I can't do much in the way of cardio, which also helps stabilize my moods, I need to watch what I'm putting in my mouth to make my body work as well as it can. And since I'm back in all of my clothes again, I'd rather not add "Frustration About Muffin Top" to everything else.

Posted by Erin at 01:06 PM | | filed under: Ouch

So the hip is still not the best.

But it's better. I managed to sit around the airport, waiting for my flight to Toronto, without limping around as soon as I got up. It hasn't been pretty, and I've gotten pretty depressed about it.

Scott and I were downtown last Saturday, scouting wedding bands, and just seeing all of that activity bummed me out pretty profusely. I think that at this point, with a loss of almost two weeks of any working out, the triathlon might not be the wisest move.

I'm having a difficult time articulating how this all feels without sounding overly dramatic. I mean, it's just exercise, right? No longer exhausting are the notions that I might put back on weight - I haven't. Nor is it not doing a triathlon, though I'm not happy about that prospect. Mostly it's the loss of something that has become to fundamental to my overall well-being. I'm happier as a result of all of those endorphins and working out makes me feel strong and healthy. I love running in the sun, kicking and punching, biking ... all of it. And I know there are things I can do in their places but I love running in the sun, kicking and punching, biking ... all of them.

So Monday we will get back up on the horse and try again. If it continues to bother me, I'm headed to the sports doc to see if I've done any serious damage.

In the meantime, I don't have much more to report. My veggie experiment was so boring - all I did was grill a bunch every night for dinner! - and I'm suffering from some stomach issues again, which is leading me back in the direction of a South Beach-y diet. I've not at all been exhausted since being back on my thyroid medication, but I'm starting to think that I need a more holistic approach to my health.

What am I looking to accomplish with all of the pushing? Why am I pushing so hard? What am I trying to get away from?

Posted by Erin at 01:30 PM | | filed under: Ouch

I am so pissed off about my hip right now.

I am trying to be calm, you know, and see the positive in having something happen that isn't threatening the long-term, but is serious enough to get me to slow down and re-examine my habits. But it's hard, mostly because the idea of being off of my feet and out of the gym for an extended period of time sets off weird alarms in my head, little triggers of things, and it takes a lot of work for me to keep Teh Crazy voices at bay.

I have to rest - and stay off of high heels, as I learned today - in order to get better. It doesn't mean I won't work out next week, or compete in the triathlon, or that I'm going to go back to being a total and complete sloth who slowly works her way back out of shape. It doesn't work that way. I've kept myself in great shape for how many years now? Even when I gained about 20 pounds back in 2005-2006, I was still in good shape and I managed to fully resume my work out routine, which resulted in me losing the 20 in no time flat by 2007.

I know that I'm fine.

But still, it's hard not to feel like you're making the old excuses not to work out. And I think this is how some of us girls who were once really overweight and out of shape get injured and sidelined. We think that if we take one step out of line, we're doomed for good so we push, push, push, as if somehow by pushing through the pain and the misery we'll keep ourselves from ever having to have felt like we once did when we were so out of shape and unhealthy. And that in and of itself is dangerous, unhealthy behavior, right? Overkill is just as bad as underkill. I really love moving, I truly do, but sometimes I have to be careful that my love of working out and being active isn't just a clever disguise for someone with a serious problem. It is a work in progress.

Push, push, push.

It is not an excuse to say that with each step I make my hip aches and smarts. It is not an excuse to realize, by the end of the day, that you aren't risking it and deciding not to go to the gym. But it FEELS like an excuse. It just does. Maybe I should have gone in the morning? Maybe it would hurt less first thing? As it stands, I'm injured from all of the push, push, pushing, and it probably wouldn't matter if I worked out in the morning or night - it's all just one big ouch.

All that said, I'm still frustrated and bummed out. But I'm going to take care of myself, and just eat lots of vegetables and fruit and grains and watch it with the Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs in my freezer - my girlfriends bought me a bag last week and I've decided that when I get back on my feet into training, each week of successful training will merit one, I don't give a rat's ass how food should not be a reward, whatever.

Yum.

So I'm going to go play Wii for a while, and soak my body in a hot tub with some Burt's Bees salts and pray that it just takes one more day (I haven't worked out since Saturday) before I can get back to moving again. Even just a little.

Posted by Erin at 08:11 PM | | filed under: Ouch

I am injured, slightly, again.

OK. Maybe a bit more than slightly. My hip. It hurts. I ran three miles this morning, and OUCH. I played golf - nine holes - and OUCH. Weight on it just sucks. If I sit too long, it hurts more. I am about 99.9% certain this is all because I didn't stretch properly the other night after a particularly hard and fast run. I know it. That's when it started hurting, so there you go.

No more. I push myself pretty hard these days, but I am not doing the work I need to keep my body well in recovery. I'm not a kid anymore, and the more time I don't set aside for proper conditioning and stretching and rest, the more likely I am to keep getting these stupid, avoidable injuries. I cannot put myself in permanent traction, but I will if I don't take care of myself.

My promise to myself is to fit in 20 minutes of stretching each day, every day, and get back to Bikram once a week. I have five classes I've already paid for but I haven't taken the time to go and use them. There is no excuse for being this sore all of the time.

Lastly, I thought of something during my run this morning that I didn't add to my list of reasons why I could - and will - kick the crap out of the Danskin Triathlon this year in comparison to my performance five years ago:

4) I no longer smoke.

I can't believe I'd forgotten that back then I was still smoking, an entire pack a day, no less. I remember poor Heather and James looking at me later that night in disbelief as I lit up smoke after smoke. A lot has changed since then, to be sure, but this is probably one of the biggest.

Posted by Erin at 12:16 AM | | filed under: Ouch

I literally took one step out of bed this morning, attempting to get up and walk, and nearly fell down. My calf muscles are en fuego right now. So a fair warning: if you're going to do those crazy incline drills I mentioned, be prepared for some soreness. Especially if you pair it with calf raises, which I did on Monday.

Looks like the five-mile run will happen after work, once my muscles loosen up a bit. I'll be doing lots o' stretching today.

Another note about the Open-Faced veggie sandwiches: I don't know why I thought I should even bother with the fat-free cheese, as if somehow in the several years it's been since I'd tasted that garbage they'd find a way to improve the taste and texture. It was ass on a plate, everyone, and don't even bother. Since I still don't have a cheese substitute, today I'm going to swap out the fat-free cheese for some grated Parmesan. I don't imagine it'll change the POINTS value at all if you want to try it at home.

Other than the rubbery nonsense I'd subjected myself to, the lunch wasn't half bad. I probably won't make this dish again, but I wanted to use those veggies and this was a quick way to do it. I'm tossing out the cheese, by the way, because it's not as if I'm going to find a better use for it.

Today and tomorrow promise to be beautiful so I'm commuting to work via bike. I hooked up a rack to the bag, which means I won't have to wear my messenger bag, which will hopefully make the journey a bit more manageable. It's a great way to get to work, though. Despite traffic, it's actually pretty relaxing and it's nice to get a little extra exercise.

Posted by Erin at 08:37 AM | | filed under: Ouch

So now that my foot and my IT band seem to have settled the hell down, I jumped on my bike today and commuted to work.

Oh my GOD. That could not have been a more stupid, though wonderful, thing to do. You know, they don't call Chicago "The Windy City" because of the actual wind, but when the weatherman predicts gusts of wind of up to 35 mph, a person oughta listen.

I, however, was not that person this morning. I was way too seduced by all that sunshine and 60-degree weather. I've said before, this was a tough winter and I've been so ready to be outside. That said, I'm not regretting my decision to not listen to reason or weather reports. It's hard after the last several months of just pure, unadulterated cold misery to complain. Yes it's windy, but it's warmer, sunny and I'm on a bike.

Plus, holy Moses whatta workout. It's a five-mile jaunt to my office that also includes a few hills. And, again, you combine 35-mph winds and you're golden.

I fully plan on doing this every day during the warmer months, on top of my regular work outs, because it's really the only way to go in the city. I'll save money, be more eco-friendly and have thighs as solid as tree trunks. I can't say I'm completely looking forward to the ride home, but maybe the wind will be at my back this time.

Posted by Erin at 02:38 PM | | filed under: Ouch

So Sunday we were running errands before Scott's grandpa's birthday party in the 'burbs.

While part of our mutual agreement with each other is that we'll never, ever move to the suburbs, we do enjoy the convenience of shopping the burbs. It isn't that we don't have stores like Bed, Bath & Beyond (duh), it's just that the drive or walk between it and, say, Target, is ginormous. You work in Saturday afternoon traffic, and it's disaster.

Target was our last stop, needing to pick up odds and ends for the house. This time it was a new rug for my kitchen. Scott went off to grab a birthday card and I went towards the area rugs. I spotted one I liked on a high shelf, and scooted it towards me to get a better read on the size.

No sooner had I done this did a heavy, cardboard pole come swooping out from the middle of the rug - it was rolled up on the shelf, the pole was inside - and landed with a hard thud on the top of my foot, on that soft, delicate spot.

"JESUS CHRIST."

The first thought in my head, right after church, no less, and my next thought was total embarrassment for yelling that out AND in a Target, where no doubt there was a child nearby. Someone heard me, and asked me if I needed help. I was frantically trying to get a hold of Scott, who wasn't picking up his phone, because while it certainly hurt, I was more concerned with the fact that I was completely unable to stand and a crowd of Target workers began to gather around me.

Five minutes later, Scott came running up the aisle to find me sitting in a chair, Target team around me, with a bag of ice on my foot. One incident report later, we left Target for the birthday party.

"On the bright side," said my loving boyfriend as I hobbled out of Target, "You're going to fit right in with all of those old ladies at the nursing home today!"

I spent the rest of the day on my butt, foot elevated. Scott took excellent care of me, buying me ice wraps and Advil, getting me food and just generally making it so I wasn't doing anything but resting my foot. We battled it out a bit because I am not good at being helpless, but eventually I gave up the ghost. It helped that Uncle Bob (Scott's uncle on his dad's side) kept bringing me fresh glasses of red wine all day because, as he mentioned, I was injured and needed it.

It's much better than it was on Sunday, but it's still very sore and bruised. I've promised Scott that I won't run or lift or anything until it's stopped hurting. I mean, walking to the brown line from my office, which is about a half-mile away, makes it sore right now. I think it'll heal just fine - no lawsuits for me, though I have been in communication with the corporate offices at Target - but it's putting an awful cramp on things for me. I'd just bought a new helmet and bike rack on Saturday. I'm itching to get back out on the road. Especially since last week I'd stayed off my feet because of my IT band.

This is all just stupendously unfair. It's spring! I want to be outside running!

I'm hoping to be back out there by Saturday.

In other news, all of my summer clothes fit. Every last one of them. All of those new clothes I bought last year fit just fine. I cannot tell you how nice that was to learn last weekend when I was switching out clothes. I think it's just my jeans that make me feel the slight weight gain - jeans are not always the most forgiving of clothing items, after all.

Cargo pants don't mind five extra pounds, quite obviously.

Posted by Erin at 07:58 AM | | filed under: Ouch

So I ran the Shamrock Shuffle and it was my best 8K time yet. Go me.

However, I screwed up my IT band - again. Long-time LTB readers might remember the half-marathon I was training for back in 2004. It was bad news and I was off my feet for a long time after that. About three months. I'm a slow learner, and of course decided that nothing was going to keep me from running on the Las Vegas Strip this week, so I ran 4.2 miles on Tuesday and woke up Wednesday with a knee that was throbbing to beat the band. Oy.

So I stayed off the rest of the week. Tomorrow is the ultra marathon. I'm going to run some of it with Shelane - one of my best girlfriends - and then cheer her on for the rest. There is no way I can be out there for all that, even if I alternate walking and running. Thirty miles is nothing to scoff at, even without a slightly injured body.

In other Shamrock Shuffle news, this year I had TWO favorite t-shirt sayings:

"Pain is nothing compared to what it feels like to quit." - cliched, I know, but it's certainly a morale booster when you're at mile three and running up State Street, thinking about just calling it a day and catching your flight to Vegas.

And my very favorite? The one I'm totally buying for myself?

"My Sport is Your Sport's Punishment"

BAM! That's right, bitches!

Thanks for all of the thyroid feedback everyone. I'm holding steady right now at 146. I hate having to pay attention to the number at all, but it's important if I'm going to straighten out this mess. Maybe it'll move once I'm running outside more? Riding my bike more? If it doesn't, the doctor needs to know.

I wish I could offer more advice to those of you looking for it. I know a lot of you are REALLY struggling. The most I can say is that you really have to push yourself with this thing - it has to be a lot of mind over matter. I'm not going to apologize for wanting to fight this weight gain, so to speak, and I'm inclined to believe that if I wasn't fighting so hard I'd have gained a lot more than what I have. There is nothing wrong with not being OK with this. I read somewhere that the unfortunate truth with having a thyroid condition is that you have to work at your health ten times harder than those who don't. I completely agree with this conclusion. So I guess in the end all I can say is that you not only shouldn't give up, but perhaps also resign yourself a little to the fact that you're going to have work that much harder for less results, if losing weight/maintaining your weight is your goal.

For instance, I go back and forth with wondering whether it was better to exhausted in the afternoons or to watch my weight go up. Both do wonders to my psyche, I can assure you. I'm hoping to find a happy medium. I didn't like being tired as much as I don't like the weight gain.

As promised, though, I'll let you all know more when I do.

Other than all of that, I'm just settling back in from being gone. I look forward to some Bikram this weekend, and getting started with a new personal trainer, too. I need to buy groceries as all that is in my frig right now are low-carb tortilla shells, Activia yogurt, fresh spinach, egg whites and a drawer full of Granny Smith's.

It's bad news bears up in my house. At least, however, I can poop.

Posted by Erin at 02:54 PM | | filed under: Ouch

... I'm sick. Gah.

No working out till I've recovered and am breathing normally again.

Posted by Erin at 12:41 PM | | filed under: Ouch

Training March 6
Run: 3 miles
Weights: Lower body

I am dreading lower body work and am glad that Friday is a rest day. Also, I'm supposed to do a long run on Saturday and cross train on Sunday but I'm switching that up. I want to take kickboxing for my cross train, and that's on Saturday mornings. Sunday is just an easier day to get in a run, as opposed to a class. I'm only lifting three days a week for now.

Posted by Erin at 12:17 AM | | filed under: Ouch

My butt. It hurts. So much.

Clearly my inability to walk correctly is God's way of telling me I need to do squats and lunges more than once a month. I swear, my upper body is looking just lovely from all of the upper body lifting I've been doing. I am going to shoot for two days of this stuff starting next week.

So my entry from a few days ago should probably be explained, but I don't wanna. I felt as though it was necessary to share how ugly it still gets in my head sometimes. Not to pretend that everything is all accepting and perfect over here. What set it off was, indeed, a series of unflattering pictures combined with an initially unexplained weight gain of seven pounds. In five days. I knew that it was irrational to think it was a permanent sort of weight gain, but still. You start seeing evidence that you're creeping back into the 150s again after a year and it would set you off, too. Especially since without maintenance, the 180s and 190s aren't too far behind.

It doesn't happen that fast, mind you, but you get the idea.

Thankfully - or un-thankfully, actually - I've actually been suffering from a wretched case of digestion issues, the result of a diet that doesn't include really any breads or grains and me running out of fiber supplements. My weight is returning back to normal, and I'm feeling less like a frat boy and more like myself. So yes, it was an easily explainable situation, and maybe one, had I calmed down a second earlier, would have reasoned out. Just the same, I'm not going to beat myself up for freaking out since, you know, it happens.

You know my motto: move on.

Have a great weekend! I'm off to work and then yoga later tonight!

Posted by Erin at 07:24 AM | | filed under: Ouch

Some days I think I have this whole body image issue licked - or at least pummeled into submission - and other days I wake up to see a series of pictures of myself wherein I closely resemble a frat boy off of a month-long bender. Bloated and corpulent, sweaty and disheveled. I want to make out with Vince Vaughn, not look like him.

Sigh.

I have perspective. I do. I have to or I'll go off the deep end. I'm more concerned about how unhealthy I look. I've always had a very full face and, from a side perspective, it isn't the most flattering angle of me. I've accepted that. What I can't abide is looking like a hot mess.

It all upsets me. I can't deny that it doesn't. I have very strong, visceral reactions to changes in my appearance, and deviations therein have a tendency to throw me into overdrive. I have to be careful that it doesn't border on obsession because I'm having an off day.

For as much as I say -and believe - that there are worse things than being fat, I know that once I start looking unhealthy, the depression and panic attacks aren't too far behind. And fat is usually an indicator of that for me, and that's just no good.

Ah well. Always the struggle.

Posted by Erin at 03:24 PM | | filed under: Ouch

I wish like hell there was something more effective, and easier on the butt, than lunges and squats but I know that there is not. I just end up walking around for at least two days afterwards looking as though I've endured a horrible car wreck.

Seriously. Ouch. My butt hurts.

Posted by Erin at 02:46 PM | | filed under: Ouch

I think one of the reasons I've always hated jumping jacks with an unbridled passion was not because they made me hot and sweaty, but because performing them makes my fat bounce painfully up and down, up and down, up and down.

The do not make a sports bra for the stomach, and if they did, I would wear one to my cardio kickboxing class.

Posted by Erin at 06:47 PM | | filed under: Ouch

Every day, I walk by a chocolate factory. My office is so close to it that you can actually smell the chocolate from inside our building.

In fact, This American Life did a piece on this very chocolate factory not too long ago, detailing how its emissions made the city smell like magic. Brownie-like magic. And I'm only a half a block away from it.

Honestly. How I haven't gone ripping through an entire box of something dipped in chocolate I have no idea. It smells good is what I'm saying. Clearly I was hungry so I made my way to heat up some vegetable soup and was nearly thwarted by a huge box o' donuts, dripping in pink- and brown-colored icing. And a box of donut holes.

Not cool.

I made it out, just barely, and I was not about to let office temptations get the better of me today. I'm feeling 110% better this week, which goes to show me how much damage can be repaired in a short amount of time. I was really tired of having a sore stomach. That's what it mostly boiled down to. Well, and feeling tired. And getting concerned that I wasn't taking care of myself.

I cheated and jumped on the scale. I'm down two pounds so far. We'll see what Sunday's official weigh-in brings.

Posted by Erin at 12:19 PM | | filed under: Ouch

I'm still hobbling around from kickboxing the other night. This morning when my alarm went off, I couldn't even put pressure on my right foot without hobbling.

So, obviously I'm not spinning today.

I am going to do some yoga, however, just to stretch my muscles out a bit. Probably at home, though, and just some simple stuff from Namaste while my lasagna is cooking. I have the 5K on Saturday and I don't want to screw that up. Scott commented on how it shouldn't be all that shocking that I'm this sore, seeing as how I haven't done any real kickboxing in about two years. I guess I thought that I was in good enough shape that it wouldn't matter.

Obviously, I was way, way wrong. I mean DAMN.

Speaking of kickboxing, I looked into the studio here in town and it's *gulp* $125 a month. And the classes didn't get the best reviews on Yelp.com, and I'm just not inclined to ever spend that much money on a monthly gym membership, unless my salary was to triple. And it's not just yet. I'm not going to make any decisions about gyms just yet, not when I'll have one at my disposal. The kickboxing class made me wistful. Perhaps the smell of a heavy bag is just too intoxicating for me.

I bought a new dress at H&M yesterday. And it was a small. As in a size small. It's still taking some effort on my behalf to grab the smaller sizes but I'm doing it. I've thus far purchased three long-sleeved t-shirts in size small, and I've stopped grabbing size 12s off of the rack and stuck with the 10s. It's not a denial thing as much as it is that I need to start wearing clothes that fit and flatter me. I'm so accustomed to wearing things with some extra blouse and bag.

A few more days left of vacation. It's been nice.

Posted by Erin at 11:48 AM | | filed under: Ouch

In the car this morning, my left ass cheek flexed and warbled involuntarily. It is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world.

Yesterday morning I exhausted the hell out of everything beneath my waist. Lunges, squats, steps, leg extensions ... and everything is tender today. I spent 45 minutes doing this and while I didn't hate every moment of it, I wasn't happy, either. But I'm plowing through because I know it's good for me, and I know if I can just work in two weight lifting sessions a week, I can stop feeling so guilty about having flabby arms and a saggy (albeit slightly less saggy since I've been running so much)ass.

I have this picture up in my "Friends Only" section of Flickr - it is from a picture of me and my boyfriend from over the weekend and we're keeping his face and real name off of the Web site for now, with the exception of my friends, obviously - and I mentioned how much I hate my arms. And I didn't say it so my friends could bolster me up and cheer me on, though it was nice to have them be so supportive because, hell, that's what friends do. Rather I said it because in the context of talking to my friends it seems safe to just say that I'm less-than-thrilled with a particular body part of mine, in spite of how much work I've done on my body and how much I've accomplished. They won't chastise me or think I'm fishing or get concerned that I have some body image issues, beyond those that I've already been clear about, or ... whatever.

The biggest reason I mentioned it was because while I don't hate my arms - I mean, hell, I'm rocking the strapless top in public so I can't be that self-conscious or caring about their state - I am frustrated with how weak and soft they are in comparison to other facets of my body. My endurance, my legs, my mind ... it's strange to feel so strong and yet have irrefutable evidence that perhaps not everything is as such and I still have work to do.

This is why I am making myself do the one thing I hate more than anything, twice a week. My arms aren't going to get stronger on their own, nor will my calf muscles, my back, etc. It takes me being just as dedicated to fitting in those workouts as it does eschewing a pile of cheese fries. And I hate having to eschew cheese fries.

The last area I need to work on is my flexibility. I have been woefully lazy on doing my yoga routine at night - Only 30 minutes! I don't have 30 minutes before bed? - and need to try and do that at least three times a week. I'll hurt something if I don't stretch out some more.

Lastly, on the suggestion of other Turbo Jam-obsessed readers, I ordered the Fat Blaster, 3T and Cardio Party Mix 3 DVDs. They were a little pricier than I would have liked, but I don't want to get bored by the one I have from playing it so much. If you would have told me a year ago I would have been all girl crushing on some DVD instructor I would have laughed at you, but people?

I love Chalene. God help me, but I would totally like to go have cocktails with her and giggle all night about ... I don't know. Something.

Posted by Erin at 01:03 PM | | filed under: Ouch

Seriously. I'm starving. And it's 11 p.m. and I should be in bed but I am sitting here on the computer reminding myself that it is too late to eat even though I AM HUNGRY.

Sometimes I still feel all screwy about my body cues. I mean, I know that for the most part I go without feeling genuinely hungry, owing to all of the little meals I eat all day. But I am susceptible to the pratfalls that all of us with eating issues have, which includes not always being able to ascertain whether I'm having that "genuine" hunger they tells us to be on the lookout for, or is it the "boredom" hunger where I'm bored, so I eat.

I'm pretty sure I didn't eat well enough to sustain the amount of exercise I had today. We were out biking on the lake shore for two hours straight, riding in the highest temperatures of the year so far, with strong winds. Then we went to the pool for an hour to swim and cool off. Dinner was two small corn tortillas filled with ground turkey with black beans, tomatoes and corn, a spread of light cream cheese and about a half-tablespoon of light shredded cheese. Then I had a piece of the wedding cake left over from my sister's reception last night, and a half-cup of ice cream. With the exception of the ice cream, lunch was exactly the same. So I'm thinking, maybe, yes, perhaps, I didn't fuel up properly today. I took Glinny for a walk for a half-hour after dinner, too.

I just had a piece of string cheese and some frozen cherries. Still hungry.

At this point, I'm guessing that it's probably just as well I go to bed and consider it a lesson learned. Should have had more veggies, probably some more protein, before we hit the trail. I honestly did not think it was going to be the workout it was; hand to God, I kept saying that I just wanted to stroll along. No matter what I did, conditions were as such, and our distance was as such, and I'm so darn competitive, that I kept pushing and pushing. I drank water like crazy, of course. I walked in the door after it was all over and decided I didn't care if I never saw my bike again.

It's also not a great bike in any kind of condition for me to be doing rides like that. It sat outside all winter for God's sake, and I never had it tuned up. (I can sense Heather and James losing their minds over that sentence from here in Chicago. And they knew what a piece of crap my bike was back in 2003 when I rode it for the triathlon.) I should really buy a new bike, even if it isn't top of the line.

ANNNNYWAAAAY.

I'm tired. I'm going to get some water and try and sleep. And be totally pumped to make breakfast in the morning. I have smoked salmon and cream cheese that are going to be awesome in an omelet tomorrow.

Posted by Erin at 12:00 AM | | filed under: Ouch

So the doctor's report:

It is not, as we all assumed - seriously, I had been doing so much research and homework that I was totally prepping myself for the diagnosis - a gluten allergy. I am free to eat as much gluten-laced products as I want. I've put The Boy on alert. We're having Pompei tomorrow night.

It is, however, hypothyroidism.

No shit. I am seriously one of those fat girls with a bonafide thyroid condition. I about fell over in my chair when my doctor called me this afternoon and told me. And what is so hysterical to me is that all of my major maladies - dry skin, depression, migraines, digestive problems - can all be attributed to having hypothyroidism. There is another symptom, one I've never really mentioned, mostly because I just enjoyed it, but I nap every day. I get home and I sleep for at least an hour. And this has always made no sense to me since I have a healthy diet, get a lot of exercise, and sleep - I only wake up when I'm ready, never by an alarm, and only unless Glinny needs to go out - but my doctor says that all of my exhaustion?

Yeah. The underactive thyroid.

Everything else is fine - with the exception of my triglycerides, for which she's putting me on Omega 3's, and which can be linked to the hypothyroidism. Not surprisingly, I start taking synthetic thyroid hormones immediately and have to go back for more blood tests in eight weeks.

All day I've actually been pretty joyful about the diagnosis. As my friend Shelane said, "It's a huge relief when you finally know what's wrong with your body." And that's the truth. Some of this stuff? God, I've been struggling with for YEARS. The dry skin is so bad that it cracks and bleeds and I've had to leave places because the air was so dry that my skin felt like it was going to melt off. And the migraines! Oh the migraines! Yeesh. Last week I had to leave work, an hour after I got there, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to drive home before the migraine really hit full capacity. To know that there might be something I can do about at least TWO of these problems is just amazing to me.

And yes, I know. A major side effect with hypothyroidism is The Weight Issue*. It was the first thing my dad said when I called him to ask if my mom had had thyroid issues. My doctor mentioned that once I start taking the thyroid supplement that I might start seeing a difference there, too. I told JP (my dad) that if that was the case, wouldn't it be funny, after all of this time and work, that it really *was* as easy as taking a pill?

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Anyway, I'm just happy to have an answer, and to know that it doesn't include a life without ever eating a tater tot again. I may not have any designs on eating them anytime soon, but I'd sure hate to pass up that opportunity when it comes along ...

*As a side note, and a quick response to all of the emails I've been getting from some of the people who also have hypothyroidism, I KNOW it isn't a magic weight-loss pill, and I'm sorry that a lot of you took my comment as such. That's why I said I was kidding. What it has the potential to do, however, is adjust my body to properly respond to all of the hard work I am already doing.

Whew. Honestly, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm really more excited about it helping my stomach and migraine issues more than anything since I'm back at a weight at which I feel really comfortable.

Posted by Erin at 12:05 AM | TrackBack (233) | filed under: Ouch

Last night I returned to cardio kickboxing - I didn't really enjoy it when I took it a few months ago, mostly because it wasn't real kickboxing and only a glorified aerobics class.

But, I wanted to take something that would give my heart rate a serious boost and my body a real aerobic jolt, so I was at the gym last night for the 7 p.m. class. It was great - the instructor was so much better than the last one I had in terms of going through the steps and moves. The music was fantastic - I can so get behind any instructor who uses MC Hammer - and I managed to (mostly) keep up with her and not flail all over the place.

This weekend is the Shamrock Shuffle. I am as ready for this race as I'm going to be so aside from the two-, three-mile jogs I'm doing with the dog in the mornings, I'm not busting my tail to get a lot of serious run work in. I'm surprisingly not nervous going into what is my first race in 18 months. EIGHTEEN MONTHS. I cannot believe it's been that long since I've done one of these things.

I'm trying not to flagellate myself for letting myself get so much out of shape during that time but it's hard. All that time wasted, all of that work I'm having to "redo." So it's going to be a slow race, that's for sure. My goal is to finish within an hour. We'll see, though. I'm not holding out a lot of hope since all I've been concentrating on over these past few weeks is my endurance. Speed has not been on the agenda.

No matter. I'm going to finish that 8K on Sunday and begin training in earnest for the triathlon this summer. First I'm going to go see Anne Lamott, and then probably spend the rest of my day sleeping. And being happy that I've pushed myself back into shape.

Speaking of which, my weigh-in for this month isn't too hot - I'm up two pounds and back at 151. I'm not bothered by it, but I'm not happy about it, either. My hope is that with added intensity to my workouts, and an extra weight-lifting class thrown in for the next several weeks until I have to stick to a strict tri-train schedule, that I should be back in the 140s in no time.

Lastly, I hate tofu. I've really tried to like it but good Lord. It tastes what I believe warmed, slightly melted, rubberbands must taste like if they were marinated in soy, sesame oil, honey and garlic overnight.

Yick.

Posted by Erin at 12:43 PM | | filed under: Ouch

I hate weight training because it makes me SORE.

You know, the only way I've ever enjoyed weights is when I've had a trainer, mostly because I like someone hovering over me to push me harder and because I'm less likely to cop out when it's someone else's time. Taking a class, however, might be a happy medium.

I really, really enjoyed the class yesterday. The music was low-key, the exercises were challenging, the instructor wasn't a yippie Chihuahua on speed, and I really felt like I got a good workout in the hour I was there. I ran two miles after that, making a mental note that if I want to run well - faster - next week I should think about running before the class. I'm going to take the class again on Monday, provided I'm not too sore. I have a long run tomorrow, and later my friend Shelane and I are going to go to Bikram.

Today, though, I think I'm just going to take my dog for a nice long walk. It's still snowy and cold and ridiculous here in Chicago. There is a rumor that it's going to warm up next week, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Posted by Erin at 11:56 AM | Comments (3) | filed under: Ouch

Tonight I took my first non-Bikram yoga class in years. And low and behold, it was with the woman who taught my first ever Spinning class, back in 2002.

She's one of the nicest, most encouraging people I've ever met, and the case was true tonight in class. It was weird, doing all of these new poses, but it was helpful and challenging. I was perhaps a little self-conscious - and Tonna did a lot of direct references to me and my Bikram practice throughout the class - but overall I felt good and the class went along pretty quickly. Plus, a lot of the tightness I was feeling from yesterday's run was worked out, though my back is a tad on the sore side since we focused on spine poses in class. Lots of twisting tonight.

All in all I was really happy with the class, and since Monday is a "strength and stretch" day on the Hal Higdon training schedule, I think this yoga class will work in nicely. Plus, unlike Bikram, it doesn't cost me any extra money. Always a bonus. Honestly, there is nothing I would love more in this world than to have the extra cash for a weekly Bikram class. I just can't make the extra $15 a week happen when I know I have access to other yoga classes.

Sigh. Oh to be loaded. What I wouldn't give ...

As of this moment, I have given away all of the cupcakes. I ate two. Out of 24. It was a good practice of something a new friend and I discussed at length on Saturday night, about how much deliberate thought we need to put into our daily exercise and eating habits, about how much we have to remind ourselves that, in this case, it isn't the last cupcake to which I will ever have access again, and that this process, unfortunately, just takes some extra work on my part. The idea behind the baking Sunday was that it was a cheap way to practice baking skills, an element of the kitchen in which I am sorely lacking and have wanted to improve upon. And while I enjoy the eating part of the process as much as the cooking, I don't need more than a cupcake or two to really enjoy the fruits of that labor. If it's really about the practice, then, well, mission accomplished and I managed to spread some happy chocolate love to my neighbors, coworkers and best friend today.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to cook up some homemade turkey patties with yogurt sauce, steamed Brussel sprouts and roasted carrots for lunch and dinner. Today was a little on the carb-heavy side and unless I want my stomach to rebel, I need to take it easy tomorrow. Plus, two-mile run with more strength training after work.

Posted by Erin at 01:05 AM | Comments (3) | filed under: Ouch

Today is a very bad day.

My cell phone company deducted $1200 from my checking account this week, despite the fact that more than $1K of it should have been a CREDIT to my bill, and never deducted in the first place. Apparently I'm getting it back in five to seven days, but I'm not believing anything until I see it. God, the whole thing has been a nearly two-month drama. I've emailed my landlord, who still hasn't cashed my rent check, in the hopes he could wait another week. Which makes me feel so incredibly trashy that words fail me.

Moral of the story? Don't get a Treo.

As I sit here for the next week, waiting to learn whether I'm about to face some serious financial ruin, I want nothing more than a Snickers. I'm holding off because the last thing I need is a stomach ache on top of that, plus last night when out with my girlfriends I cleaned through a plate of potato strings. I don't need to feel physically ill on top of being mentally exhausted over this whole cell phone situation.

What's even worse is that I made for myself what I thought would be an awesome lunch - grilled chicken on whole-wheat, mozzarella and roasted red peppers - but sucked. So corn, pretzels and Laughing Cow it was. Which is the saddest lunch I've ever heard of.

And I'm trying - really - to adhere to the whole Intuitive Eating thing, which dictates I should have the Snickers, kinda, but I know I just want to Snickers because my checking account has been bled dry. A Snickers from the vending machine will not make $1K magically appear in my bank, but if it would?

Someone please let me know and I'm all over that peanut and chocolate goodness.

I'm going to go back to work now, hoping the rest of the day goes by fast enough to get me to spinning and home in my bed with my dog and an email from my always understanding landlord that he hasn't cashed my check and will only do so when I give him the go-ahead.

It could happen, right?

Posted by Erin at 02:44 PM | Comments (2) | filed under: Ouch

So I tried to run with the pooch yesterday morning. After 20 minutes, I had to limp and hobble home.

Anyone have any ideas as to why my knee hurts so badly ... a week after the fact? Again, I didn't exercise excessively on it in the hopes of preventing any damage, nor did I notice any real appreciable problems until now.

I'm frustrated, and in some pain. I'll obviously go to the doctor if it doesn't let up, burt I'm hoping it's just a deep bruising or something and will just take some time to work itself out. I'm thankful that Glin and I have a fenced-in backyard and a building filled with her doggie friends so she can run around like crazy and play and get her exercise. She won't be getting much with me right now.

In other news, I forgot (gasp!) how fantastic and common-sense Krista's web site is. I love everything about her page, up to and including the cottage cheese page.

I have been eating loads of cottage cheese lately. I've had cottage cheese, nuts, frozen cherries and Splenda for breakfast every morning this week.

Anyway, she's an academic, and therefore her research on eating, training and dieting is pretty exhaustive. And I say that in a good way. It's helpful information and in a lot of ways makes me want to smack myself upside the head because it's really so basic. If you're looking for new information, something more health-focused and less likely to cause you major mental issues than WW, I'd highly recommend her page as a good start on educating yourself.

Especially her eating page. Give it a read!

Posted by Erin at 09:38 AM | Comments (5) | filed under: Ouch

I just woke up from a 90-minute sleep.

That was the most sleep I've gotten - uninterrupted - in two days. I'm so overjoyed by this that I could jump up and dance but I don't have the energy. I am the worst at being sick because I can never just be a little "run down." No, no. I always have to get horribly sick. The kind it takes you about three or four days to recover from. And tomorrow night is my best friend's bachelorette party so you can imagine how irritated I am by this particular strain of flu.

Fever, chills, congestion ... I'm sexy.

I've been drinking OJ and tea, as well as several packets of Theraflu, per my sister's orders. There's been chicken soup and toast, save for a turkey sandwich I had for dinner last night. And now I really want some chocolate ice cream but my throat is going to have to settle for sherbert.

Ew.

Well, I did run out of Kleenex and need to stop at the store so ...

Anyway, don't look for anything here until next week when I'm back at full strength.

Also? You people have more opinions about facial products than anyone in the world! Go with your bad selves ...

Posted by Erin at 03:00 PM | Comments (2) | filed under: Ouch

I'm sick as a dog right now.

And it's gnarly.

No workouts or careful eating right now. Just soup and rest.

More soon.

Good news? I'm back at Crunch for the next two months. There will be boxing.

Posted by Erin at 11:30 PM | Comments (2) | filed under: Ouch

GAH.

Seriously. I can't remember the last time I had a cold/sinus infection last this horrendously long. Right now I'm in that charming phase, when I cough up any number of things taking up space in my respiratory system. I'm walking sex, people. If it isn't the coughing seducing all those around me it's most certainly the constant blowing of my nose.

Did I mention the ever-present wad of Kleenex? Yeah. Hot stuff.

So no working out this week just yet. Tomorrow the trainer and I are getting together for our first session; he took one listen to my voice today and decided that kickboxing was out of the question. My eating has been fine for someone who has been sick; not much eating earlier this week and I'm slowly getting my appetite back as evidenced by tonight's dinner.

I was really looking forward to hitting the ground running this week but it wasn't meant to be. Next week these pages should hopefully contain more interesting, worthwhile thoughts and whatnots but for now? You get tales of snot.

I am so sorry.

Posted by Erin at 10:50 PM | Comments (0) | filed under: Ouch

"Barium" and "Smoothie."

Ick. Should I never have to have another CAT scan it will be too soon. My blood work turned out just fine and tomorrow I get the results of today's scan, it which took forever, ended up with me being bandaged up in several places because my veins are so small, and drinking the aforementioned barium smoothie.

My eating has been so good someone should get me started on the road to sainthood. I told Erik that no matter what the results are, I'm going to try to stick to the "No Dairy, No Caffeine, No Spicy Foods, And No Booze OK-Not-Much-Booze" diet. Because, not surprisingly, I am feeling better as a result. I plan on hitting the gym tonight just because it's helping. I think.

I'm off to drink more water to flush out the barium and iodine. Thanks for all of your sweet thoughts ...

Posted by Erin at 03:49 PM | Comments (8) | filed under: Ouch

Oh people.

The stomach has only gotten worse. I would go so far as to say that it's taken on a life of its own. It's so bloated, so distended, that it's gunning for its own zip code.

The problem is so bad that yesterday I went to Old Navy to buy Fat Pants and if you think I wasn't dying inside you'd be wrong. I keep telling myself that this is all temporary, that I'll go in for the CAT scan this week, hopefully tomorrow, and we'll get to the bottom of my problems, but for now I'm so uncomfortable, and in so much pain, that it's all I can do to ... to whatever.

I didn't go to Weight Watchers -- Casey, I'll email you tomorrow! -- because the night before I had such a horrible attack that we had to leave dinner so I could just lay down and relax. It's not pretty.

So I'm sort of sad, and not feeling well, but I'll be in the gym tomorrow because I have to do something to try and combat this horrible, horrible feeling. Because no dairy, no caffeine, no sugar, no alcohol and no spicy foods aren't cutting it alone. I've no plans to do anything more than a spin on the elliptical machine, by the way.

I'll keep you all up-to-date ...

Posted by Erin at 09:56 PM | Comments (17) | filed under: Ouch

Lincolnshire Poacher (Neal's Yard)

Dirty Sapphire Martini

Stewarts Private Blend

Frontera Chipotle Salsa

Answer: They are all things that make life worth living. They also are things I cannot eat for the foreseeable future.

WHY GOD, WHY? I QUIT SMOKING! WASN'T THAT ENOUGH? Now you take away my Manchego too?

People, I must have kicked puppies in a former life.

Posted by Erin at 12:23 PM | Comments (15) | filed under: Ouch

I'm going to see my doctor at 9 a.m. tomorrow. No matter what, I shouldn't be having this many problems for this long and if I'm honest? I'm a little concerned and I'd rather just go get it checked.

Besides, I'm all sorts of sick and tired of the bloating and pain of it all and the sooner it can be addressed, the better.

Thanks, you guys, for all of your feedback!

Posted by Erin at 10:29 AM | Comments (6) | filed under: Ouch

Sorry it's been so quiet.

I launch the new site and then BAM! I disappear.

Mostly it's because there hasn't been much to say. My knee is giving me problems once again, and I think it's a confluence of factors, the least of which is the wrong shoe -- which amazes me since it's the same brand and make I've been running in for a year now -- the most is that I've been pushing too hard.

To wit: last Saturday at tri-training left my knee was in such pain, during spinning, that I thought I was going to lose it. I spent Sunday walking around downtown and had to cut the afternoon short after walking became too difficult. It's better now, after Tylenol and ice and rest, but I'm still taking it easy. Last year I didn't run for five months and I'm not about to have that happen again.

Alas, I'm not going to run for the entire month, opting to spin and lift and work on the elliptical, no matter how boring I find it. I'm still at 142 pounds, but who knows come Friday's weigh-in. Today I'm wearing a pair of pants I've owned for two years and for the first spring since they are really loose, which is nice.

So, really, not much to say right now.

Some housekeeping: I'm working on a blogroll, to update all of my reads, and yes, I will add a link to the old archives and gradually, maybe, move the old entries over to MT. We'll see. I haven't decided whether I'll use a notify list again, again, another maybe.

I'll be back with more to chat about soon. Promise.

Posted by Erin at 06:09 AM | Comments (0) | filed under: Ouch