December 2007 archives

Every year, around this time of year, my traffic shoots up a bit, mostly owing to people starting or restarting fitness, health and diet blogs. Inevitably, one or more of these blogs has an author who somewhere in an entry chastises him or herself for even daring to make a New Year's resolution.

"It never sticks."

"It's probably stupid for me to even think that something will change this time."

You'll excuse me for saying this, but I say BULLSHIT. There is nothing, absolutely, positively whatsoever wrong with deciding that you're going to take another stab at good health. I get so angry at those who dismiss the efforts of those who look at the new year as a medium by which they can see a clearer path to feeling better about themselves.

I think where we tend to mess is up is that we solely focus our efforts on weight-loss. It's a fine goal, but it's not enough of a motivator to keep anyone on the path to good health. If it was, we wouldn't be subjected to yet another holiday season with yet another slogan out of our friends from Weight Watchers.

(Confidential to WW: You are a diet. DIET. Stop trying to pretend that you aren't. There are a lot of pluses to your program but sooner or later, you've got scads of men and women obsessing over POINTS on a daily basis, tearing their hair out trying to make themselves operate on such small amounts of food and, I have news for you, obsessively counting POINTS is no less dieting than counting calories. Suck on it.)

One of the ways in which I've tried to shift my focus is to remember that ultimately what brings me the most joy out of my efforts is feeling better. That feeling gets disseminated in a variety of ways, some of which are certainly vain, but for the most part, it's just walking around in my own body and not feeling achy and sore and bloated and sad and panicked. Eating right, taking my vitamins, getting sleep, exercise ... all of those things accomplish that and make me feel ... well, better. Sure, weight loss has been a by-product of those efforts, but not focusing on the scale has kept me from stalling out and quitting completely.

I'm not perfect, by any means, but I'm much better at this than I was before. And, for the first time in two years, I'm not looking into this new year concentrating on losing weight. I finally reached a place with my weight where I'm comfortable and happy, which allows me to focus on what this year's resolution is for me.

One of the things I learned pretty quickly after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism is that it can much of it can be controlled by my lifestyle choices, namely what I eat and how much I move. In the past month, with all of the holiday craziness, taking care of myself has not been as much of a priority as it should have been, leaving my diet open to a lot more things that have a negative effect on my health. I've been bloated more than I care to recall, so exhausted that I can barely get out of bed and right now I'm saddled up with a horrible migraine, though that's probably due to me getting over a gnarly cold.

So my resolution is to take my health a whole lot more seriously, most specifically my hypothyroid condition. It's not going away, so the best thing I can do is to start treating it like the chronic condition it is, rather than some periodic nuisance that pops up every now and again. If I want to feel healthy, I have to start living healthier as a rule.

This means no refined sugars, processed foods, breads, rice, etc. And I need to go back to no Diet Coke and limiting my caffeine intake to two cups a day. This means no fatty meats and cheeses, and certainly no potatoes. I would love it if there was room for this stuff in my life but there isn't if I want to feel better. I have to start finding alternatives, and it's just going to take some work.

Good luck with your resolutions - here's to hoping that this is the year it'll stick.

Posted by Erin at 06:10 PM | | filed under: Random

The week following the Christmas holiday is the worst in terms of sticking to any regular routine.

So I don't. The past few years I've stopped fighting it, pretending I can eat my balanced meals and hit the gym with the intensity I traditionally try to do, thinking I will curb my alcohol intake this year. It just doesn't happen. There are treats that I really and truly only get to have this time of year - cookies, my sausage stars, JP's ham sandwiches ... the list goes on. And there are parties - last night's parties alone I had mulled wine AND martinis, not to mention a mini cheeseburger. I am a sucker for miniaturized food. And last week there was tapas with pata negra and Manchego and bacon-wrapped dates.

Bacon-wrapped dates. For God's sake people - bacon-wrapped dates. Those are two of the most glorious food combinations ever. It is the marriage of awesome and amazing. And I not only had it when we went out for a friend's birthday party, but also at a party we were at last Saturday. Don't get me started on the organic scotch at Thursday's party, or the sour cream dip. I mean, it was one of those tastes that, if I think about it long and hard enough, I can still taste it in my mouth.

My point is that this kind of nonstop, constant bacchanalia of food is what happens this time of year. Partaking in it doesn't make me "bad" or "good" or "naughty" or whatever. It's just what I'm eating.

And so one of the ways in which I combat all of that negative self-hatred is to just give myself a break and not get my stomach twisted up in knots for the extra cookie or the extra martini. Everyone is indulging a little bit more this time of year, no need to hole up in my house, hating myself, promising myself a detox in a week, because I had pizza three days in a row. Better to just smile and enjoy it, and head off to ice skate with my friends because 1) it's a nice way to get some exercise outdoors in the wintertime and 2) because there promises to be wine and cheese after we're done.

So in this week, I challenge you to enjoy the holidays. Go take a long walk in the snow, looking at lights, with your iPod on and a few podcasts of This American Life. Go take some Bikram, and then kick back with a glass of eggnog. Meet your friends out for some cocktails and good cheer, and cheese. I always recommend cheese.

But most importantly, I challenge you to give yourself a break.

Posted by Erin at 01:55 PM | | filed under: Random

The talented David Tamarkin over at Time Out Chicago saved me the blog post:

"Last night on Project Runway, Heidi Klum prompted a round of applause for the surprise models, a group of middle-aged women who had each lost anywhere between 40 and 160 pounds. As the designers clapped, shook their heads in disbelief, and clapped some more, I heard myself thinking out loud:

"That's right. Because there's nothing more honorable than not being fat."

Posted by Erin at 01:09 PM | | filed under: Random

So tonight I had, yet again, another first training session with a personal trainer.

I wonder if I will ever have a trainer stick around long enough to work with me longer than a month or two. There always seems to be so much drama tied up with being a personal trainer - my new one seems no different. He started talking about having only been here five months, being "tired of bullshit" and ... he trailed off. Honestly, it's just as well. Kick my butt and then send me on my way. I don't need to know about your personal life.

But he's a nice guy and a good trainer. VERY into his work. Definitely not one to go through the motions and he seriously kicked my butt. He made me do bicep curls and hammer curls and shoulder pressed with 12.5-pound hand weights and I never use more than 8. I'm not looking forward to the pain I most surely will be in come morning. I'm headed to spinning at 6:30 a.m. since we've got a work party tomorrow night.

One thing that was really different about this session: it was the first time I worked with a trainer where I didn't tell him that I wanted to lose weight. He asked if there was a size I wanted to be in - "Oh God no. I'm so not about to put that on myself." - and if I had a weight goal. I flat out told him that I was done worrying about my weight. Over. Finished. I let him know that I've lost 45 pounds and with the exception of a brief personal crisis in 2006, managed to keep it all off over five years, and that all I really wanted was to start myself on a weight training program and stick with it because it's good for me.

I didn't talk about "still having ten pounds to lose," which I always seem to do, and when he complimented me on the definition in my arms already, I thanked him. And later when he said he couldn't believe I find lifting boring because I was super intense through the whole thing, I laughed and said I hated it but I don't shy away from hard work.

Most importantly, I didn't apologize for things for which I have no business apologizing. I'm not perfect, and I never will be. Why should apologize for that? I told Scott that sometimes I feel like I spend my life waiting for the day that I look like the "After" shot because I feel like that's the goal. It's not the goal. The goal is to become someone who works hard and takes care of herself because she values herself. The goal is stop giving a shit if I ever really "lose the buddha" or not, and instead go out and run five miles because I love it.

The goal is to get the fuck over it and just be the "After."

I am trying really hard to live this way, and I won't lie to you when I say it's a constant struggle. I've said before that a healthy body image just seems to be one more thing we women are pressured into possessing or perish. As much as it is a struggle for me not to dive face-first into a plate of cheese fries, it's still tough for me not to beat myself up for caring.

The important part, I guess, is that I try.

Posted by Erin at 09:05 PM | | filed under: Training

I am really behind on product and book reviews for a number of reasons, mostly because those aren't the blog posts I like writing and also because I want to be careful in what I choose to essentially promote at LTB.

But a word to everyone who keeps emailing lately about interviews, book promotions, product reviews, etc: PLEASE READ ME FIRST before you ask me to promote your ... whatever. You'll figure out quickly that your diet book on how to drop a bunch of weight or your article on women whose partners are making them lose weight don't have a place here.

And oh my God if you are the NY Post PLEASE remember that you already asked me to be in your article several days ago and I said that I couldn't help out.

PR People? Do your homework and figure out if there is an audience here for your product before you nag me every day for a solid week. I don't want to do your diet. I probably don't want to tell my readers to do your diet, even if you're "giving" me the dieting information for free!

In other news, I was able to bounce back this weekend from what is supposed to be one of the most embarrassing and traumatic experiences a fat girl can have and that is that someone asked me when I was due. That's right. You read that correctly.

In all fairness, I was wearing an empire-waisted babydoll top, and he was an older gentleman, but come on! My boyfriend was pretty upset on my behalf, because, as he said, "Guys know you don't ask that at all," and I have to admit I was less than thrilled by it, but after a day I snapped out of my funk. I mean, seriously. I am going to get upset about that? So he thought I looked pregnant? So what? What does it matter? It doesn't change a thing about my life. It doesn't mean anything at all.

Funny, though, that now that I'm in the best shape of my life, and in the smallest clothing sizes of my life, that someone finally asked me that.

Posted by Erin at 11:31 PM | | filed under: Random

Everyone knows what a big fan I am of Shauna, aka Dietgirl. We've been friends for years now, meeting in person, finally, this year.

She's witty and sharp and brilliant and inspirational and gorgeous and just everything you could want from a friend. Especially one who allows you to say "My Australian friend living in Scotland." How many people get to say that? I do! She allows me to sound cool, which I love.

What I love even more is that her memoir, the aptly named "The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl" has been published and hits stores January 1. You European readers out there need to buy it NOW. Unfortunately for us Americans, the book won't be that easy to come by. In lieu of hopping a plane over to the UK to go pick one up - a tempting proposition, believe you me - you can always enter Shauna's Amazing Scavenger Hunt and win a copy of your very own!

It will take you all of five minutes, especially if you have a Flickr account and the upload tools. What are you waiting for?! Do you know good this book is? Don't you need something to read other than my drivel? Of course you do!

For those of you who remember, Shauna contributed her words of wisdom to Tales From The Scale and, like the others, made the book sing with honesty and humor. I was so honored when Shauna agreed to write for the book, and it wouldn't be what it turned out to be without her. I can't begin to tell you how excited I was for her when I learned she was doing a memoir of her own.

Now stop reading me! Go enter! I did!

Posted by Erin at 08:20 AM | | filed under: Inspiration

At 4:30 p.m. I'm heading over to the Bikram studio near work. I haven't taken a class in months, which makes this week officially the Week of Stuff Erin Hasn't Done in Months.

I'm a little excited about having a month-long unlimited pass to do Bikram and it's most fervent hope that I use the damn thing. I mean, it's only $29, but Bikram is usually $16 a class, which is why I don't take it that often. There are 8 a.m. classes available, every morning, which means I could totally go at least three times a week for a class and make it to work on time.

(We have a shower and a locker room with towel service here at work.)

Here's to hoping. Seriously.

In other news, I am eating chocolate as though it were my job. I'm not kidding. It's out of control. I'm officially making myself just knock it the hell off. There is no reason why I should be throwing back Hershey Kisses in the fashion I have been. I mean, ten dark chocolate kisses in a day sort of negates the whole antioxidant work since you end up consuming so much sugar.

And the crazy thing is that I do not like chocolate all that much. I really don't. I'm not what I would consider a chocolate person. And yet? I am fully convinced that right now my body is running solely on cocoa.

Hmmmmm. Cocoa. Mini marshmallows ...

Ahem. Never mind.

Posted by Erin at 01:18 PM | | filed under: Training

Lose the Buddha goes national! Thanks, CBS! And thanks That's Fit for the head's up.

(Um, the video quality might suck. At least it does for me at home.)

Last night's spinning class was brought to you by Jock Rock - also known as "Cock Rock," which is actually what I called it. I'm OK with the occasional metal-tinged song but man. Last night was too much. That said, I really enjoyed the class itself and the instructor taught the class just as I prefer - a nice mix of speed drills and hills, with the time in between songs for actual water and tension breaks. Some instructors never offer a break or transition whatsoever. Today I'm no worse for the wear. Even my butt feels OK.

I'm also back down to 140 pounds - because God knows the human body is just strange enough to show a gain and then a massive loss in pounds - and even though it isn't an official weigh-in day, I'm going to cease the weigh ins for a while. Just consider me hovering around that weight unless I say otherwise!

Off to hit the snow!

Posted by Erin at 09:06 AM | | filed under: Random

I took a really excellent kickboxing class Saturday morning.

Well, it was technically "cardio kickboxing," which means there weren't any real drills or heavy bags used but! But! It did incorporate lots of punches and kicks and the instructor went around the room during certain parts with punching pads for us to hit. All of my months of Turbo Jam paid off, though, as I was amazed by how well I was able to keep up with all of the punching drills when she increased the tempo. I showed off a bit - Does anyone else do that during a class or am I the only egomaniac doing that? - and I'm still kinda paying for it. Ouch.

I told Scott last night that I am looking forward to getting into better shape so that I can stop hobbling around on Sunday from Saturday's workouts.

The gym is having an awesome training deal, so I figured, why not? For $79, you get three personal training sessions and all that fitness evaluation stuff, which, I'm sorry, really should be part and parcel to the whole gig, not included as elements as though you'd pay for them on their own. I don't know if I'll commit to working with a personal trainer on a regular basis - we'll see what finances allow - but for the price it's another way to keep me working on making lifting a permanent part of my routine.

I'm still recovering from a tough week, physically. My period was especially tough, and I was especially exhausted throughout. I'm hoping to bounce back some this week. Whew.

Posted by Erin at 09:20 AM | | filed under: Weigh in