November 2007 archives

Tonight I celebrated my love for my boyfriend.

After seeing Kenny Rogers with his dad and stepmom, sister and grandfather, he pulled into the Long John Silver's so we could each feast on a plank of fish. My love for these greasy, pedestrian, deep-fried fish of joy knows no bounds, and we don't have them in the city.

(We were in the 'burbs tonight.)

He knows how much I adore LJS and every time we have the occasion to pass one, I always let out a sigh of desire. Like so many things, the food at LJS does not settle well with my stupidly sensitive body, but we split a meal and I'm feeling no worse for the wear. At least not yet. Totally worth it.

The Turkey Trot 8K was fabulous - it was cold and and snowy and windy but I ran 11:30 miles and Scott was out there cheering me on for the entire hour - and so was the rest of my weekend. I got a facial, took another Hot Bod class, had a quasi-personal training session with an instructor at the gym after no one else showed up for the Tread Train class, saw Kenny Rogers and went out for karaoke. And I managed to lose another pound.

I have to admit that the highlight of the holiday was the plank o' fish.

I'm a little sore from yesterday's Hot Bod class - the weightlifting class, which brings my total for last week to TWO lifting classes - but I'm going back in tomorrow for another one. I am bound and determined to make lifting a priority. I know that as the older I get, the more beneficial it is to my body. Since vanity clearly does not spurn me on, my health should. I just have to keep that in mind when I'm ready to pull my hair out over it.

I'm also going back to spinning this week after being absent from it for six months. I imagine I might want to die afterwards. I'll let you know how it goes.

Posted by Erin at 10:52 PM | | filed under: Weigh in

A group of my friends were recently discussing how to, basically, straighten up and fly right over the holidays.

This always leads into much discussion about how we'll keep ourselves healthy and well during the holidays, a time when it's ridiculously easy to overindulge and marinate ourselves in All-Things-Indulgent. As for me, I try to keep active and remember that, in the end, it's just food.

Most of it is stuff I've eaten before, and will likely eat again, so there is no need for me to go off half-cocked and vacuum up a pile of mashed potatoes because it's, you know, the holidays. By that same token, if I happen to overeat, it's not as though I've just snorted up a mountain of blow off of a hooker's stomach, so there is no need to lecture or flagellate myself over it all.

It's just food.

More than anything, it's worth noting that the essence of the holidays is to be joyful. To celebrate, to give thanks, to be happy and grateful for the many gifts in our lives. The time we take to head up meetings of the Secret Self-Loathing Society during the holidays is time we take away from doing more awesome things like remembering how fortunate we are to have these bodies in the first place.

I think we're all so conditioned to beat up on ourselves when it comes to food and our bodies. None of us are very good at treating ourselves with loving kindness - having patience, looking at exercise and healthy eating as good things to do, meditating, sleep, etc. We're always looking to punish ourselves for any perceived misstep.

The best thing we can do this holiday season is to give ourselves a break.

Posted by Erin at 10:59 AM | | filed under: Random

Hi Women's Health readers!

And a big shout-out to Back in Skinny Jeans readers, too! Stephanie's site is way prettier and more useful than mine, so it's very kind of her to link to me. And a "hi" to Cranky Fitness readers, too! Those cupcakes are making me hungry. Also I should add my girls over at Big Fat Deal. They're having an interesting discussion over there as to whether or not BFD should be included in a discussion with a blog like mine.

My two cents?

I must admit that I get a little weary of defending and clarifying what I do here at my blog. I guess there is a misconception about my blog that I somehow promote the act of dieting because I adhere to a particular diet for myself, though I don't consider what I do to be dieting, but eh. What are you going to do? It may have started out that way, but LTB hasn't been a diet blog in the traditional sense in a long, long time. I suppose I wish some people would read what I've had to say these past couple of years rather than lump me into some stereotype because it's quick and convenient for them.

I can't please those people who want me to focus more about weight loss and I can't please all those who hate any mention of the process. Damned if you do and all. But I know there is a good many who read me who fall into the middle, so I keep on, keeping on.

BFD should absolutely be included in any discussion about body image and inspiration because, as I commented over there, they provide proof positive that what's most important is that acceptance starts from wherever you are.

Moving along ...

I cannot promise you that my wit is as hard-hitting as it once was, but bitches I AM a feisty one. They're totally right about that. The writer over at WH is waaay too kind; that was probably one of the kindest, coolest descriptions of me and this site that's ever been penned, and we've been called lots of nice things by lots of nice writers.

In all honesty, though, I'm still hard at work on the body image thing. I think we all are. I don't know that you can be a member of this society and not struggle with what constitutes a good body image.

Much like The Goal Weight, The Healthy Body Image has become the new Holy Grail that we're all expected to attain. Anything less constitutes some sort of failure on our part. And that's crap. Obviously that's crap. Any improvement is a victory, and if any one of your efforts - big or small - translates into one less moment of self-doubt or self-loathing, then you're a fucking rock star. The thing is, we can't all stay in a suspended state of anything; we're fluid, moving people. Whether it's a number on a scale or how you view your body, the idea that either is somehow something you can achieve and be done with for good is ridiculous. Because here is what happens, as an example:

1) You hit goal weight.
2) You go out for a cocktail with your significant other that night. It turns into five.
3) You wake up and you're up a half-pound.

See? Constantly changing. And if you obsess over the fact that any slight deviation in behavior will take you away from that goal, you're going to be miserable. Who doesn't want a night where one cocktail (or french fry or cupcake or whatever your poison) turns into five every now and again? Is that almighty goal really worth sacrificing those moments?

The same goes with body image. Some days, I'm afraid, you're just going to feel like shit. And you're going to wonder why you're not done with it already, why you can't just cease completely from the barrage of negative comments you throw at yourself every once in awhile. The key for me is to have a sense of humor about all of this so that I don't miss the days wherein I look smokin' hot.

And I think I looked smokin' hot yesterday, for the record.

Fitness and health are all a matter of paying attention and being aware, much like anything worth having in life. They aren't a matter of reaching a number on a scale or banishing forever self-doubt. You're going to have off days - I'm having a slew now - and that calls for care and patience on your part.

And I suppose being feisty wouldn't hurt, either.

Posted by Erin at 09:03 AM | | filed under: Random

I don't really have much commentary about the whole weight-loss thing. It's not driving me or torturing me too much. I said I'd document it here every Sunday and I'm keeping my word!

The cold weather has been doing me in. Running outside in the cold is a bitch when you're not properly geared up for it so I did break down and buy this hoodie in the aqua color. I couldn't help it. It's soft and pretty and ... soft and pretty. And came highly recommended at last week's winter running clinic. I also bought a couple of LED's for when I go running, which I've also used when walking the dog. I get a couple of curious looks from passersby, but rather that than be hit. I also invested in some running tights, as well as some waterproof mittens, all in the hopes of keeping myself warmer out there. Thursday is the Turkey Trot 8K and I'll be out there with bells on and, also, warmer clothing.

Today I broke down and rejoined my old gym, though at a different location. It's not that I need the motivation necessarily, but I don't like working out in the cold and am less likely to work out very hard at home. It's not that I plan on not running outside - especially after investing in the new gear - but it can't be my sole source of exercise. In the summer that was OK since the warm weather was conducive to having it be so. But now? Well, not so much. I took a quick tour and it's just gorgeous inside. I forgot what it was like to belong to a nice gym.

Tomorrow I'm taking a "hot bod" class. I'm always looking for an excuse to get myself working with weights since as we all know, I think weight lifting can suck it.

I'm excited to have a gym to go to again. It's right off one of my "L" stops and a short drive from home. Parking isn't too insane and there's a lot they're renting out now, too. I think tomorrow I'll hit the sauna after the class. A nice indulgence.

Posted by Erin at 05:58 PM | | filed under: Weigh in

Do you all read Big Fat Deal?

You really should. I've said both privately and publicly that I have some general disdain for some body acceptance blogs/groups because for the most part, they're really not accepting of all bodies, just the fat ones. And we all know that's crap. As women, we tend to get marginalized when it comes to our bodies and rare is the woman who feels as though she fits the standard, thin or fat. I can't abide those who jump on the "She's-losing-weight-so-therefore-she's-a-lemming" bandwagon that is so rampant in some body acceptance movements.

My body, my choice. Suck on it.

But Mo's blog is different, and she's sharp and witty about addressing the issues that women face as a result of what the world at large thinks about our bodies. Not that they should give one wit, but clearly they do or we all wouldn't be as conflicted as we are about the issue. Anyway, Mo does a fine job and this post in particular made me reflect on something that I ... well, reflected on recently.

I was at my boyfriend's grandparents' house a couple of weeks ago. We all went out to dinner and then the old home movies got dragged out. Namely all of the ones of my boyfriend as the cutest baby in the history of babies, except for myself, of course, which means when we have kids our children will be unstoppable with the cute. World-dominating cuteness is what I'm saying.

I'm sorry. Please excuse the thumping of my uterus.

Anyway, the movies were filmed around 1975, 1976, more than 30 years ago. Ah, thirty years ago. You know, the halcyon days of the American body. A time when everyone was in shape, ate smaller portions because larger ones weren't available and obesity wasn't threatening to take over the world like so many alien invaders. That is if you believe the media reports of the past five years or so.

But as I watched these movies, I couldn't help but notice the varying body types - some fat, some thin, some in between. Generally speaking, just as reflective of any family gathering I go to, at anyone's home, in present time. Now, granted, we're Midwesterners, and we're always considered the Fatlands, no matter the decade, but still. It wasn't as though everyone back then was somehow trim and thin. Which, of course, begs a series of questions that I'm not going to publicly ask here for myriad of reasons, the largest of which is that I don't have time to dig up scientific documentation and the least of which is that this is just an observation I had, not the set up for some huge argument.

It's just that, well, to my eyes, fat people have been around for eons. The idea that somehow we need to slap words such as "epidemic" and "death" onto being fat, as if the state of being fat is novel, or not just the way some bodies are built, or that those who are fat are something to fear. The reason for why when I diet and exercise I don't get much smaller than I am now is because my people are big people. My mother, at my age, was my size. Almost to a tee (or T or whatever). And the only reason she was 100 pounds when she died was because all she did was smoke cigarettes, drink coffee and work on being pissed off at the world.

And since that's what it takes for me to be that thin, I'll take a pass. This is how I'm built. Move on. Don't make assumptions that I just can't commit to my health enough to skinnify myself.

I've said for years now that what I think it truly plaguing us as a society is our laziness, our inability to think for ourselves, to educate ourselves and then form our own opinion. I just think that before we buy into every Fat Is Evil argument, we do some thinking for ourselves.

Posted by Erin at 08:51 AM | | filed under: Inspiration

My favorite pasta dishes lately are all drizzled with olive oil and Parmesan cheese and that's about it. This one is a variation off of a recipe I picked up somewhere but have since tinkered with on my own.

* 2 Tbsp lemon pepper seasoning
* 2 cups Dreamfields elbow pasta
* 2 oz cooked shrimp
* 2 Tbsp olive oil
* 6 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

I sautée the shrimp in olive oil cooking spray and coat them with lemon-pepper seasoning. I love the stuff, so it's really a matter of taste. It only takes a couple of minutes to cook the shrimp, so start the pasta ahead of time. I use the low-carb pasta because it's easier for me to digest. If you want to keep it healthy, but don't want low-carb, definitely use a whole-wheat version.

I used elbow because that's what I had.

After the pasta is done, I add the shrimp and toss with two Tablespoons of olive oil - I use my good stuff because I'm using it as a dressing - and the Parmesan cheese. I add a touch lemon-pepper, too. If you're following WW, it's 3 POINTS per cup.

I got six cups out of this preparation, measuring out a cup per serving!

Posted by Erin at 09:38 PM | | filed under: Recipes

... four to go.

I hate measuring portions, and I'll tell you that Friday night I was in such a foul mood - my Treo died on me, and I had to buy a new one - that I overate waaay too much when I got home from work and skipped my run. I had a peanut butter sandwich, some leftover lemon-pepper shrimp and pasta, a No-Pudge brownie and some frozen fruit. Out of hand, seriously. I just kept heading back to the refrigerator, grazing. Then I went out and had a couple of drinks, adding to the fiasco.

Other than that, not a bad week. I don't always make the best choices when it comes to dealing with stress, but I've learned not to let it slide me completely off track. I take my knocks and get back up again. Tonight, however, after the running clinic I'm headed to, I'm making food for the week. Soup and a couple of casseroles. I want to have stuff prepared. Friday night was the result of a crappy mood and a lack of preparation. I'd like to not repeat that.

Posted by Erin at 05:11 PM | | filed under: Weigh in

Every day, I walk by a chocolate factory. My office is so close to it that you can actually smell the chocolate from inside our building.

In fact, This American Life did a piece on this very chocolate factory not too long ago, detailing how its emissions made the city smell like magic. Brownie-like magic. And I'm only a half a block away from it.

Honestly. How I haven't gone ripping through an entire box of something dipped in chocolate I have no idea. It smells good is what I'm saying. Clearly I was hungry so I made my way to heat up some vegetable soup and was nearly thwarted by a huge box o' donuts, dripping in pink- and brown-colored icing. And a box of donut holes.

Not cool.

I made it out, just barely, and I was not about to let office temptations get the better of me today. I'm feeling 110% better this week, which goes to show me how much damage can be repaired in a short amount of time. I was really tired of having a sore stomach. That's what it mostly boiled down to. Well, and feeling tired. And getting concerned that I wasn't taking care of myself.

I cheated and jumped on the scale. I'm down two pounds so far. We'll see what Sunday's official weigh-in brings.

Posted by Erin at 12:19 PM | | filed under: Ouch

So I've put on some weight.

Not a lot - I'm weighing in at 145.5 right now. Seriously, it's not a lot. I'm not freaking out or starving or binging or reacting to the change by taking desperate measures or laxatives or a toothbrush to my throat - though of course none of those things are things to joke about and I am certainly not doing so here.

Don't get me wrong. I'm just illustrating, albeit with much hyperbole. Because, you know, that's what it immediately seems to feel like when you gain six pounds. An exaggeration of the situation. My clothes aren't particularly tight, though I imagine in subtle ways I'm not exactly noticing, they don't fit as neatly as they might have six pounds ago.

That wrinkle in my pants? Yeah. Maybe that might not have been there without the six pounds.

But still, it's six pounds, and in my world, six pounds tends to be a short hop to 20. I wish like hell it didn't, but it's true. If I put on six pounds in six weeks, that's a sign. I did some examining and there's no doubt about it: I have not been as healthy as I'd like. One too many cocktails, or french fry sides, or yummy chocolate something-or-others. One too many days without consistent running or some kickboxing. One too many days adds up to six pounds.

As an experiment, to gauge things, as it were, I went back to portioning my food out and weighing it against the Weight Watchers POINTS scale and holy smokes - clearly I've been mistaking a half-cup for a serving the size of a basketball.

It's a mistake anyone could make, obviously.

See, what I don't want, what I really, really, really don't want, is to become complacent about the state of my body but at the same time, I don't want to lose my shit over six pounds. But I acknowledge my body's comfort zone, and while I'm OK in the mid-140s, I can examine my behavior and know that this current weight is not the result of genetics as much as it is the result of cheese.

Good cheese, but cheese nonetheless.

So this week I've started some religious counting and monitoring and weighing, just to stop this thing from escalating to a place where I don't want to be, where I don't feel healthy and productive. There is a small bit of vanity, sure, but I'm starting to really embrace the fact that I'm a woman of a little extra girth. I really am. But there is a line in the sand for me where my looks are concerned.

More than anything, I am the Queen of Slackdom. I will give myself so much slack that it seems pointless to rope myself up at all. If I don't crack the ol' whip on myself now and again, I'm liable to find every reason in the world why I deserve to have that cheeseburger. I will reason that the fact that I woke up is enough.

So my goal is to lose the six pounds. I do not know how long it will take. I would love for it to take, you know, a day, but it won't. My weigh-in day for myself is Sunday, and I promise to document it here.

This is the bitch part of maintenance. What to do when you're maintaining by the seat of your pants. Why you have to make tough choices for yourself in order to stay at a healthy place for yourself. It's not fun to do this. I really enjoy my little bacchanalian moments. But they've gotten a smidge out of hand recently and it's time to call a time out. Or I'll roll around in that stuff like there's no tomorrow.

And let's be honest: at a certain point, you start to realize that the choices you make now really do determine the quality of your tomorrow.

Speaking of quality, you all must go read Anne's latest post if you haven't already. She's a lovely woman, and I love what she has to say on just about, well, everything.

Some recipes coming tomorrow. And finally that product review. Stay tunes.

Posted by Erin at 03:53 PM | | filed under: Random , Weigh in