August 2007 archives

My new job is kinda kicking me in the ass.

It's exciting and challenging and, because I'm a Web specialist, I'm online all day long. The last thing I want to do when I get home is spend anymore time at a computer.

My workouts are good - not as consistent as I'd like, I'm afraid, but we're getting back on track. I've mostly been running - two-to-four-mile stretches - because I'm trying to take advantage of the weather. I know I'll be kicking myself come winter for doing kickboxing DVDs over running outdoors with my dog!

I weighed in this morning at 140. I'm fitting into the size 10 pairs of pants that I own - admittedly, not many as I've never been this size for very long. The new job has completely curbed my appetite - too busy and stressed for eating. Which, of course, sheds light on some of my eating downfalls. Clearly when I have free time, I fill it with food. Even if it's healthy food, I fill it with food. I can't say that realizing it nips it in the bud, just that obviously I *can* lose and maintain by consistent exercise and a lower calorie intake.

The running has been crucial to me keeping it together. We had a bad storm last night and just got power back or I'd have been out today. Alas, I didn't get much sleep. But running has been key for keeping me sane and straight these past couple of weeks, and most likely off-setting any of the damage I've done by eating things such as linguine and clams as well as a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. I am not the paragon of eating virtue, I'm afraid, but it's true that moderation is key.

I'm hoping to get more consistent again over here soon. For now, everything is wonderful. Busy, but wonderful.

Posted by Erin at 12:57 PM | | filed under: Random

I decided that I really should just take a picture because, you know, what the heck? It's all-new low!

I had to sharpen and futz with the contrast so you could make it out but there you have it - 140.5. It's all rather anti-climatic, to be honest. Despite having been at this for as long as I have, you'd think I'd know that a marching band wouldn't appear in my bathroom as soon as the number on the scale set. Still, part of me hoped for at least some confetti.

I'm kidding. Totally kidding.

I'm not doing anything too differently, though I keep pushing myself just a little bit more with each workout. I'm working on speed during my runs, which may be helping things along. Other than that? Hell, my boyfriend and I ordered pepperoni pizza for dinner the other night. My diet honestly can only attribute to so much. I keep a clean diet, to be sure, but I honestly haven't been paying that close of attention.

Anyway, it's a nice thing to see.

Posted by Erin at 10:20 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

I'm just going to keep categorizing my weigh-in posts and say "screw it" to the table. Updating that thing is a pain in my ass. If you want to see my latest weight-loss progress, just filter all of my posts to only read the "Weigh in" ones.

I started a new job this week, and when I get home, the last thing I want to do is sit at my computer.

I'm a Web content editor for the Chicago Sun-Times so all of my time is spent tinkering on the Internet. On our site, of course, but nonetheless, I've just not been inclined to do my usual futzing online, writing blog entries. If I owe you an email - which is likely - I'll write back soon. Promise!

I made mention recently that this new job will likely bring me two things: weight loss and more money. More money because temporarily my social life is going to take it hit and weight loss because I'll have less time for my usual nightly snacking. Even when my intended schedule hits, I won't be at home during the hours when I'm most likely to be prowling my kitchen. I'm kidding a little bit about this, though all of the extra walking I'll be doing will help as well, since I'm not driving to work anymore, but it was something I observed.

I started doing my new Turbo Jam DVDs this week. The Fat Blaster is kind of cracking me up in how it's marketed as a "secret weapon" in my "fat-burning arsenal." For as much as I would like to believe that 30 minutes of bouncing around with the lovely Chalene, which includes four "turbos," will "melt off the fat," I'm inclined to believe that what it will do it get my heart pumping just enough in a short amount of time if I'm pressed for it.

So I have a new "want" and I'm ordering it this week. Someone on my Flickr stream has pictures of her lunch in hers and I thought it was the absolute coolest thing to carry my lunch to work: the Bento Box Laptop Lunch System. I always, always pack a lunch. I can never justify spending $8 for lunch when I can just make it myself and know where it's coming from. I've been using a case for four or five years now and I've needed to replace it for some time now. What I really like is how you can perfectly portion everything out, and for someone who tends to get a little heavy handed with her portions, it works out perfectly.

Plus, hello? How cute are they? It's like grade school lunches all over again! I will probably order the "whimsical" colors.

Yesterday morning I ran three miles in the very hot, muggy weather and I am not doing that again today. I think I clocked about 11-minute miles, which shocks me considering how hard it was to get though them. It's been hotter than Hades here in Chicago. Still, I wanted to get in a run. Today, however, I'm staying inside.

Posted by Erin at 07:43 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

Tonight I was in line at Target, buying various and sundry items, which, by the way, came to a grand total of $20.22, making it, most likely, the least amount of money I've ever walked out of Target spending, and I overheard a young girl ask her mom for some gum.

She was probably 13. Maybe 12. Certainly not much younger or older. She was a little thick in the middle, but it was the sort of weight everyone carries in their middle when they haven't quite hit puberty yet. And she clearly was tall for her age. There was way too much sweetness and eagerness in her eyes, in the tone of her voice, for her to be a full-fledged teenager yet.

"Mom? Can I have some gum," she asked. Her voice was quiet, small and, most notably, sad. "I think it would help me with my cravings."

Her mom didn't react, so it was hard to tell if this request was the result of a mom who's been on her to lose weight, or if it's the byproduct of a culture who asks even of our young girls to spend the final days of their summer vacations tying themselves up in knots over their weight. Of course it really doesn't matter but at that moment I was so sad and angry that it really sucked not to be able to channel some of that rage at somebody.

I looked down at the contents of my basket and wondered if I was her age when it all began, or did it happen later. Was it someone's fault that I stopped riding my bike over to the corner bar to buy Lik-a-Maid and Cow's Tales, or did I make that call on my own? Could someone have known what was happening and intervened, so that the subsequent 20 years wouldn't be spent with me using valuable brain power looking for ways to curb my cravings or was it really all up to me?

I would like to say that I am made of tougher stuff but I am not. Wednesday night, as The Boy and I waited for the bus, a group of very intoxicated men hooted and hollered and attempted to intimidate and make self-conscious a group of women who did nothing more than walk by them on a night out.

With all of the might and power he could muster, The Boy screamed at these men to "Quit being such assholes" because, as he is fond of saying, if guys like him don't let guys like them know that sort of treatment of women isn't tolerated, they'll just keep doing it. And you know what?

I got scared and upset with him for doing it, and for a split second wished he hadn't said a word. I have been that girl - we've all been that girl - and all I've ever wanted to do in those situations was to disappear into the concrete and stone. To not be noticed.

I wanted to not be noticed the other night when he did that, no matter how fleeting the feeling.

Girls who struggle with their weight and their body image learn early on to hide themselves and not be noticed and it's very hard, so hard, to get out of that habit. And we spend time, so much time, apologizing for not being able to make ourselves just disappear.

Posted by Erin at 11:47 PM | | filed under: Random

"Now after reading her article, I feel oddly sympathetic for the woman. Sure, she spouts the usual fat girl cliches like 'food never judged me'."

"I'd really love it if someone marketed a line of ice cream that really did judge you, just because I think that would be hilarious in a dark and twisted way just like those fortune cookies with messages like 'I peed in your soup'."

- Jennette, Pasta Queen, Half of Me, Star Jones and the constellation of shame

Posted by Erin at 02:46 PM | | filed under: Random

It sorta dawned on me that I hadn't updated in a couple of weeks so I just stepped on the scale and here was what I got.

I'm starting to become less and less self-conscious about discussing All Things Menstrual. After all, this is a health-related blog, too, and I can't be the only woman out there wrestling with this beast. It's a very real health problem that I have to handle and for months now I've tried a million different things to help ease the bloating, cramps, mood swings, etc. Last month I gained six pounds worth of bloat. It was awful. I was miserable and uncomfortable. This month I drank a ton of water and took these every morning for the last three days after breakfast. By all accounts I should have been more diligent about taking my calcium supplements, but I slagged off on that.

I found some information on Yoga Journal for some remedies, too. Email me if you guys are interested in me posting any of this stuff here. I'd be happy to share.

Anyway, so here it is, the day before my period, and I'm not feeling as uncomfortable as I did last month. But yet still uncomfortable. It was nicer last month as I was off from work and could totally lounge. I don't feel like I'm as heavy as I was last month, but I wonder how much of my weight is all water bloat. If all of my calculations are correct, at least two-to-three pounds of it is. And seriously? I've been tracking for months now using this site. Which all of you ladies should be doing. If for no other reason? Next time you go to the doctor you'll actually be able to answer what was date of the last day of your last period!

One of the worst parts about all of this that in addition to being a walking bloat bag, I'm also exhausted and just want to take it easy. And some strenuous exercise would probably help things immensely. Ah well. More walking/jogging with the dog. And hopefully no more 3 Musketeers bars. No joke, on Tuesday I had one during the workday and then my boyfriend and I split one later that night.

Posted by Erin at 09:12 AM | | filed under: Weigh in

For reals. The combo of Sunday's race and my period this week is knocking me out. I've tried twice to work out - the first time a round of Turbo Jam and this morning a run with the dog - and both have been half-assed. I managed five minutes of Turbo Jam. And I did some speed walking with Glin until I decided that a trip to the dog park around the corner would suffice, as would a run home.

The dog park is around the corner from our house.

So, I give up. I've got my three new Turbo Jam DVDs in my hands and I just don't have it in me. I'm going to do some more yoga tonight, just to keep myself moving, but clearly my body is giving up the ghost this week. So I'm trying to get in some extra sleep, here and there, until the storm passes. I'm learning not to freak out during my period since the same thing happens, every month, and I get over it and my body readjusts back to normal. The few extra calories I consume here and there don't seem to cause any damage. The more I fight it, the more miserable I tend to be.

For next week though, I've got interval training and more Turbo Jam and an extra day of lifting planned. Last week was stellar - STELLAR! - in terms of me weight lifting. Because, in case I've never mentioned it, I HATE WEIGHT LIFTING. I'm going to try and hit a core fusion class because I've got a pass for it and I'd like to try something different.

Other than that, I'm laying low for the next couple of days.

Posted by Erin at 02:51 PM | | filed under: Random