It is. Do you see that? That's the size tag of a dress that I bought tonight, to wear to my sister's wedding reception on Saturday.

It is a 9/10. This is the dress. I'll take a picture of me in it when I wear it this weekend.

I try and not focus on size, and rather fit, and not assign much value to an arbitrary number, especially one that does not apply to me across the board in all clothing sizes. It's counterproductive, it's demeaning, it's all of the things that many people find dangerous and pointless but ...

It's a small victory for me, and I'm not sure I feel like apologizing for being thrilled at seeing a number that I haven't seen on article of clothing in my possession since I was 13. In eighth grade. Junior high, people. I've worked hard, and been cognizant of the pitfalls and problems that come with weight loss and exercise, and I've earned the right to pat myself on the back because, whether it should or not, I have been impacted by our size-obsessed culture and in some ways, it feels like I beat them a bit. I can get into a smaller dress size by eating well, exercising and taking care of myself. I can do all of that without buying into the notion that I need to starve myself, berate myself, and hate myself into that smaller size. That it can just happen that I fell into it, that being in a dress that size was not my goal, but rather a happy byproduct of what I've done for myself.

The only reason I picked it up was that it was the biggest size they had in stock, and I really loved it, and while I assumed it wouldn't fit, I figured it might be a good way to gauge where I'm at. I live in size 14 pants from last summer that are so big they fall down if I walk too fast. I have a couple of jeans that are sizes 10 and 12, but mostly I'm at a loss of where I'm at in terms of clothes since I don't really have the money to buy new ones. And I'm loathe to do so as I keep losing more weight.

But I needed to buy a dress for the wedding reception, so I broke down and there you do. I got it stupidly cheap to boot - $22 - which allowed me to buy some cute white sandals and some honey-scented body scrub at Bath & Body Works' big sale because that is just how I roll.

Posted by Erin at 09:21 PM | filed under: Random