I had a most excellent run tonight, clocking in four miles before settling in for a night of work on a freelance project, an episode of Work Out and text messaging with The Boy.

Unlike Sunday's 5K, I ran tonight with absolutely no problems. Sometimes I want to smack myself upside the head for being so colossally stupid when it comes to things such as hydration and diet. I've been doing this long enough now to know that simple steps make the difference. Tonight I was hydrated and rested, had fueled myself properly, and bam! Easy, fun, nearly exhilarating run.

I didn't take Glin Pup with me - I took her for a mile run this morning before work - because I need to get these longer runs in with no excuses and it's too hard to train like that with the pup. So, I'm having to break up my runs to "fun runs" with Glin before work, and training afterwards. It makes me a little sad, since I love having her as company, but she likes to sniff things and poop. Neither are conducive to training.

While I'm doing some strength training and yoga, I'm not doing any other cardio right now and concentrating all of my efforts on running. My mouth got all itchy and dry tonight when I thought about the fact that I'm going to attempt to run TEN FUCKING MILES soon. I know I keep harping on this but I cannot believe I signed up to do this.

I really want some cheese right now.

I have to keep reminding myself that at this time last year I was just starting to shed some of the weight I'd gained back, and running a mile was an absolute chore. Hell, I was barely, if at all, in the gym. The fact that I can knock out four miles after a long day - five in total! - is something I earned back for myself and even if I don't finish the 10-miler, I've still accomplished a lot.

It's been so, so incredibly hard to stick with my diet (as in "way of eating" not "purposeful calorie-reduction plan") as I really do go for the chow when I'm stressed and feeling anxious. Not having bread or Baked Cheetos or SOMETHING OF THAT NATURE OH FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS to just sate me has sucked. And this isn't the part where I tell you that I've learned something about myself, or that I feel righteous or something.

This is the past where I tell you that I'm still looking for something to substitute food when I feel stressed and fearful and it's scary.

I mean, I have to recognize and deal with those feelings as they happen, and I do my best, but I'd be awfully appreciative to have something to soothe me. And I just don't. And the only thing really stopping me from buying a pantry full of starches and sugar is that it'll make me feel sick. Not guilty. Just sick. You'd think that after all of these years I'd have something - take up knitting, decoupage, ANYTHING - but I don't.

Maybe I never will. Maybe the whole thing is that I just have to keep pushing on through and do the work and stick with it all and recognize that we just don't get crutches. Maybe. I don't know.

Posted by Erin at 12:39 AM | filed under: Random