1) My lunch today. I have this quasi-Cobb salad concoction I make that is really just a hodge podge of ingredients and taste sensations that traditionally bring my mouth lots of joy. Today? Not so much. Probably because I accidentally grabbed the flake imitation crab meat. Fricking crab meat.

I'm always super ticked off when my food lets me down.

2)The fact that despite losing almost 20 pounds in this past year that my ass is still large enough to play host to a gazillion mosquito bites. What is up with that? Seriously. I am surprised I am upright considering all of the blood those little suckers must have, um, sucked outta me. And ON MY BEHIND. Do you know how horrible it is so have an itchy butt?

Of course you all do. Don't lie. You've had this happen before. And you've had to do some public scratching.

3) John Mayer and Jessica Simpson breaking up. OK, I'm sorry. I was pulling for the kids because somehow I pictured Mayer sort of molding and shaping her because, deep down, JSimp isn't as dumb as she appears, and dating Mayer would turn the obnoxious down to 11, but I suspect Mayer was only dating her because of her enormous breasts. And really? Who can blame him?

4) The itching. JESUS THE ITCHING.

5) The end result of the Ultimate Coyote Ugly search. You have to understand how much The Boy and I worship the show. We've stayed planted in bars specifically to watch it. Two nights ago, instead of making out or talking, we sat through THREE HOURS of it. And we were so excited that we had an unexpected THREE HOURS of this show to watch that we almost ran over to the liquor store for a six-pack. Had my TiVo not been on the fritz, and leaving us unable to pause or rewind or anything, we would have. But we weren't taking that chance.

Anyway, New York should not have won because clearly Lil has a thing for Wiggins and didn't want to be accused to favoritism. Seriously. Lil wants on.

6) My total lack of bling. Or cash money. Ca-ching. I could use some wealth right about now. Know why?

7) My dental insurance. Oh my Jesus. I know I'm lucky to have dental insurance because a lot of people don't but it's only going to partially cover ONE root canal, and only partially cover the deep cleanings and barely partially cover my crowns. I really don't know what I'm going to do and I have to tell you that I'm seven shades of sick of finally feeling like I'm catching up, only to have something else come up that makes me want to crawl under the covers.

I'm about to sell out really quick. I need to fix my mouth.

8) People who sell out. Stupid bitches.

9) Glinny's lack of opposable thumbs. Lately Glin has taken to waking me up at the crack of dawn to let her out and I'm so over it. It isn't just that she has to go out before it's even 6 a.m., it's that she acts as though it is the biggest injustice in the history of the world that my bladder doesn't automatically sense when hers is in need of relief.

She whines and whines and whines and paces and paces and paces and jumps on the bed and jumps on the bed and jumps on the bed and licks my face and licks my face and licks my face until I get up and let her out. And this is just what she does for the first three minutes. Once I'm finally up and heading out of my bedroom, then she starts gesticulating wildly. At least as much as a dog can gesticulate. Which basically means she wags her tail wildly while barking.

Anyway, over it. She keeps it up, she's off to the glue factory.

10) The fact that I still cannot sing along to "Big Wheel" by Tori Amos. It is IMPOSSIBLE. You try it! I've been listening to that song, non-stop for weeks, even looked up the lyrics and read them over several times, but still? Nothing. I need my own misunderstood lyrics video.

11) OH MY GOD MY ITCHY BUTT. I need calamine.

Posted by Erin at 12:50 PM | filed under: Odds and ends