My dear friend, Chuck, or whom I like to affectionately refer to as "My Big Brother in Bridgeport," has been all sorts of worked up over this picture he took of me last month. He is convinced that I resemble Ann Margaret in it and, all things being equal, it isn't the worst comparison ever made of me with a celebrity.

The worst might possibly be Jenna von Oy, but not because of her, specifically, but because my old boss from my high school job at Wendy's said I reminded her of the character von Oy played on "Blossom" and, as we all know, that's as close as anyone ever wants to get to Joey Lawrence.

Whether I actually resemble Ann Margaret really isn't the point. If I'm to wager a guess, Chuck's take on the picture has more to do with my big hair and the fact that the blurriness gives off a quality of movement, and if the lovely Ann Margaret was known for anything it was all of that hair and all of that moving. Like I said, worse comparisons could be made.

I found this face recognition program as I was trolling around on the Web recently, and when I upload decent, non-fugly pictures of myself, it tells me that my face most resembles Kelly Clarkson. I maintain that this is a good thing as "Since You've Been Gone" is so going to hold up as one of the best pop songs ever. No one, ever, is going to mistake me for Kelly Clarkson. I know that. You know that. Kelly Clarkson, despite making some incredibly unfortunate costume decisions, would spit nails if she learned that such a thing was said. But the photos I used are ones that Make The Cut. The ones that I deliberately posed for so as to mask a multitude of sins, such as late-night quarter-pounders, weeks without setting foot in a gym and Maker's Marks on the rocks.

Dana was always fond of calling this phenomenon the Fat Girl Tuck. It's when a girl poses for a picture and she situates her head so as to create the illusion that she doesn't possess an extra chin or two and that everything from below the neck would be just as palatable if you in fact saw that too. It's a silly and vain practice, but everyone does it. I've done it, of course. Some people, unfortunately, more than others.

Here's the thing: People? Can we talk for a second? I love Flickr, too, but is there any chance I could get some of you to stop with the copious self-portraits? I'm not pointing at anyone in particular, but Flickr has allowed vanity to run amok. We get it. You're alternately quixotic and thoughtful, spunky and serious, and somehow - somehow! - all of these qualities exist inside of little ol' you and you've managed to capture them all with your digital camera. If we've seen one head-tilting, pursed-lip photograph of you, we've probably seen them all, thanks.

What we don't see, however, is the nasty, gnarly pictures and I say it's high-time everyone just own their own ugly pictures - the ones where there is no way in hell anyone is ever going to mistake you for Jennifer Aniston, the ones where we'd be all, "Is that what she really looks like?" and the ones where even our parents would question how it was that they brought such an ugly person into this world. I mean, seriously. Haven't we all been playing this game with each other long enough?

So I'm going to start. I give you the antithesis of cute: The Fugly Set*. These are pictures of me taken during the past five years and none of them ever made their way to the Web for reasons that I think will be quite obvious.

Join me, won't you? Cast off the shackles of your own manufactured adorableness and get Fugly with me.

!!UPDATE!! My friend, Matt, has suggested I set up a Flickr group for you all to add your Fugly photos. And so I did. The Fugly Set. Have at it, folks!

[*All apologies to Jessica and Heather!]

Posted by Erin at 07:22 AM | filed under: Random Stupidity

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